Guess She's Going To Florida

[Janet]

At least that is her plan. Not sure I can write this well enough because I'm so angry about it.

I was cleaning out kitchen cabinets on Sunday afternoon and called Mom to see if she wanted to come watch (instead of her just sitting at home alone). She told me my younger brother, the one that helped her get the car, was coming over to show her how to lay the seats down so she could haul stuff. I didn't say anything except for her to have a good time.

She called me later to say he showed her how and that she didn't know if she would have enough room for all her stuff (that she usually takes to Florida). Again...I didn't say anything...I knew it would lead to an argument.

From what I understand...my younger brother's wife will be taking her. It won't be fun for Mom because Judy is always saying mean things to her, like "you're not a very good grandmother" and numerous other things. I just hope they've thought it out well enough that if they get her down there.....she'll need to get home and they'll need to take care of that too. I haven't spoken with my brother I just know it will lead to a big blow-out and I really don't want to deal with him.

Mom also said that if no one will take her....she'll drive herself and she would absolutely do that. She won't listen so I'm not going to argue with her. I'm just exhausted trying to cope with everything. I wish I would have found a job in Kansas.....lol....I would have just stayed there.

[JJJ]

Oh Janet I'm sorry your going through some rough times with your mother. I hope she makes the roundtrip safe. XOXO

[Janet]

She won't be leaving until the 1st weekend after New Year's...so maybe by then there will be a plan, but with Mom....it's either her way....or no way.

[paula1961]

I'm so sorry Janet! Do you think there might be a chance that she could change her mind between now and New Years? I know you worry so much about your Mom! I totally understand! I sure hope it all works out for the best.~Hugs~

[DianaB]

Sorry....I know that you get so fustrated with your Mom. Is your brother blind.....can't he see all the health problems that your Mom has been having? Slap him up side the head a couple of times for me......if you get close enough!!! LOL I'd make sure that he knows that he's responsible for her if she has problems while in Florida. I'd be furious too!!!!!

[gja1000]

Oh absolutely, I agree with Diana. You make SURE that he KNOWS he is responsible for any problems/issues that arise while she is in FL - and there surely will be problems. If there isn't, then I'll be a monkey's uncle :D. If he knows that he's going to have to go down there to help her when she gets in trouble, then maybe he will have second thoughts about taking her down there (his wife taking her down).

That is just insane! BUT, your mom is bound and determined to go, so what will be, will be. Just make it known to everyone that you absolutely are opposed to the trip and that you will not be helping in any way if she gets into trouble. I know that sounds heartless, but it is not. Your mom is being completely unreasonable, and your brother is crazy, stupid or both.

[Blueyes]

It seems like your mom at least wouldn't want to leave her doctors!! Has she forgotten how many times she has to call you for help? Does she think you'll just zip down to Florida? I'm sorry Janet.

[Janet]

Thank you all for understanding. AND yes Gayle....my brother is both. I don't speak with him often...he is so moody and I don't like walking on eggshells around him. I think I may email him and let him know how my other brother and myself feel about this, I just don't want a confrontation and it will surely get me one. Hopefully Mom will realize she shouldn't go, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

[gja1000]

I'm glad to hear that your other brother is on board with her not going!

Do you think you could have a heart to heart with your mom? If you can, you might tell her that you understand that she wants to go to FL, but that she has to understand that when she is down there, she is on her own. If she gets sick or needs something or someone, that you can't go down there to help her and you can't go down to get her. I'd let her know I didn't approve of her going, but that if she goes, she is on her own and you will not be able to help her from IN and you wish she would stay in IN for the winter.

[Janet]

I've already had the talk with Mom, Gayle. I'm sure you all can tell from my posts that Mom is a very determined and selfish person. I told her exactly that.....that I couldn't just drop my job and head to FL., if she got sick and needed me....that she would be on her own. I also told her I would rather her stay here and she could even spend the winter at my house most of the time so she wouldn't be shut up in a house alone, but she won't give an inch. She said she loved her place in FL and wasn't going to even think of selling or letting it go for a few more years yet.

Even when Mom said that her friends down there would help her, I tried to tell her that they go down their to enjoy their retirement...not take care of her. Most are her age and won't be able to carry her dialysis fluid in for her...she can't even do it. It all falls to deaf ears....she just won't listen. I'm just praying that she'll see differently as the time gets closer....it's just about all I can do.

[gja1000]

You know Janet, what will be, will be. As you said she is selfish and is being unreasonable. So, she's making her bed, and just let her lay in it. Problem is you worry about her and that is not fair, because there is nothing you can do to change the situation. Likewise, there is nothing you can do to fix the situation, so you just have to let it be and try not to worry.

[Janet]

That's exactly what I'm doing. Hopefully she'll change her mind, if not...there's nothing I can do.

[gja1000]

You are a wise woman, Janet!

[Marilyn]

She may realize that serious problems could happen, but enjoys her life there so much that she's willing to take the risk. It's a selfish attitude for sure, but as stated, what will be will be. It may sound harsh, but if she passes while she is there, she will be in a place where she is obviously happy, and she may be considering this. She just may not be considering the inbetween that could happen, that she could become seriously ill, rather than pass on and cause real problems for everyone.

Hugs, and hope all turns out well for you and her.

[Janet]

You know....as difficult as Mom can be...I really don't think she'd be here today if she wasn't...lol. That 87 year old woman is gutsy for sure!

[judy]

That is probably true Janet! You know, you have to take the bad with the good.

I really understand. My mother was the same - selfish! She was very sick, and died young. She smoked, and cheated on her diet. She had heart disease, rheumatic fever and emphysema. That woman smoked with an oxygen tank next to her bed!

Looking back now though, I am glad that she did enjoy and experience the life she had. She was tough and very selfish, but that's who she was. She was never going to change. I cannot imagine her laying in bed and tending to her health, living like an invalid. She would have been so unhappy. She probably wouldn't have lived more than a few years longer anyway.

She did not really focus on how she made my father crazy with worry, or that she was not a very good mother, but he went on and had a good second marriage, and I grew up to be happy anyway.

I'm not going to tell you not to worry, or to be frustrated with her and your brother, but there is nothing you can do about it anyway.