She's Back In The Hospital Again.

[Janet]

Mom just got out of the hospital on the 6th and now she's back in again. I was taking her to her Dr. on Monday to have blood drawn. She was getting out of breath easily again and that is one of the symptoms when she is low on blood. Just getting her to her Dr. was exhausting for her and she was having chest pains too. I decided to take her straight back to the hospital ER.

I was with her till about 10 last night. They did a chest xray and found fluid in her lungs and when compared to the xray taken last weekend...her congestive heart failure showed it had worsened in a weeks time. Her ankles were swollen too so they did give her some lasix (sp) to make her pee more and used a higher percentage dialysis fluid to help take off some fluid. It did help, her ankles were not swollen today and the Dr. said he couldn't 'hear' fluid in her lungs. Her hemoglobin was good too...10.5 so she wasn't losing blood.

The were going to give her a stress test today, but she was terribly constipated. They had given her laxatives, soap sud enema, some kind of 'cocktail' to make her go and nothing. She was in so much pain she was just crying. Her kidney Dr. just happened to come in and Mom just loves him. He gave her a big hug and then told her he would do everything he could. Finally.......she went. It caused her to be very shaky so they postponed the stress test until tomorrow. They will give her meds to make her heart beat faster and use some kind of dye. So she'll be in for at least another day.

She's not really understanding what this heart failure means....she asked if they could give her some meds to make it better.

It makes me so sad to see her getting more fraile and seeing her cry in pain.


Also....found out my husband's uncle had a heart attack and was in the same hospital, different floor. It was a bad one and if he has another...he won't make it according to the Drs. I spent some time with him before I left the hospital.

I'm really feeling a bit exhausted with all this.

[Lindsey]

I am so sorry Janet. My thoughts are with you.

[DianaB]

Janet, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. You have to be exhausted after her being in the hospital twice. Just make sure you take care of yourself too. Hugs.....and I'll be praying!! Give your Mom a hug from me!!!

[gja1000]

I'm so sorry, Janet. It sounds like the heart failure is getting worse. Don't worry about her not understanding, I don't think Gary really understands heart failure either and he's had it for 7 years! The stress test should tell them how bad it is and give them a better idea of how to adjust her meds.

[Blueyes]

I'm so sorry for you and your mom! It's a very frightening, exhausting time. I hope and pray that she doesn't have much more pain like that, poor thing. Try to rest when you can. My prayers are with you.

[Marilyn]

Janet, you know how much we all care and that our thoughts and prayers to go out to you. Huggs!!!!

[Janet]

Thanks everyone. We're suppose to have a snowstorm tonight into tomorrow and Mom wants to be at home. I'm thinking it's best if she was there...just in case. We'd all find a way to get to her.

[judy]

I am so sorry she is back in the hospital so soon! This is exhausting, and I will keep you in my heart Janet. Mom too, of course.

[Janet]

Spent the morning in the hospital with Mom. They were going to do the stress test yesterday, but postponed until today. They had to postpone it today too. Found out something about her left ventricle is not open enough and if they were to get her heart beating fast it would swell even more and could easily cause her to have a heart attack. So....first thing in the morning they are going to do a nuclear (?) test so her heart doesn't have to beat fast. They said they will be able to see with some kind of dye and imaging what is exactly going on with her heart.

It's sooo hard to try and remember all the terms they give us. I do ask alot of questions and write everything down, but it can still be overwhelming when trying to tell someone what is going on.

Judy....you're so right....it is exhausting. I can tell Mom is ready to cry some more, but she wouldn't today while I was there. She just wants to feel good again. Mom also said she was going to have to call her friend in Florida and let her know she probably won't be down again this year.

Mom did tell me she is also tired of feeling so 'down'. I wish there was something else I could do to help her.

[JJJ]

Ohh Janet, lot's of hugs going your way. I can only imaging what your going through. Hope your mom and husbands uncle feel better soon. XOXO

[Shada]

Janet, I am so sorry about your Mom. I hope the test shows better than you expect results.
I know you are mentally and phyisically exhausted.
My prayers are with you. HUGS.

[Gina]

Janet I hope all the tests turn out well and hopefully with the right medicines they can keep everything under control. I feel so bad for your mom she has gone through so much lately. She is in my prayers and so is your uncle I hope they both come home before Christmas. Please get some rest.. hugs !

[Janet]

Since we got snow overnight and have a two hour delay...I won't be able to go see Mom until after 4 o'clock...if then. Rick has his 4 wheel drive truck and Ricky will have his to go to work. Hopefully roads will be much better by then.

[lynne b]

Janet, I hope your mom is doing much better today and they can get the stress test done to see if there is more damage to her heart. Hopefully with the right meds they can get her to feeling better again.

Sorry it has taken me so long to post here, since we talk about things on the phone i sometimes forget to post also.

Take care of yourself to, we don't need anything happening to you.
Love ya!!

[paula1961]

Janet I hope your Mom is improving. I know how you feel! It is just awful to see them in this shape. Heart failure is a horrible thing. On the patient and on the family. Daddy used to cry too. It was the saddest thing. I am certainly praying for your Mom to get better soon. You are in my thoughts everyday dear friend.

[Blueyes]

Just wondering how your mom is tonight....

[Janet]

The nuclear test they did showed abnormalities. They wanted to do a heart cath but Mom said no. Drs said it really wasn't safe considering her being on dialysis. She would rather try to manage it with meds.

I did bring her home yesterday, but she's weak.

[judy]

I guess you'll be running over there all the time? I hope she regains her strength and starts feeling good soon!

[paula1961]

I hope your Mom improves Janet! Is she with you or at her house? I'm so sorry she is so weak! Hopefully she will feel okay through the holiday. My thoughts and prayers are certainly with you and your family.

[Janet]

I brought Mom home and she was happy to be there and sleep in her own bed. She is weak though. Yesterday (Sat.) I spent the afternoon with her at her house. She keeps all her meds in a cabinet by the kitchen sink so I decided it was time to go through it. Good thing.....there were medicines OTC and prescription dating back to 1985. I brought a big bag of all the stuff we through out home to be destroyed. To tell you the truth...I was afraid to leave any of it because Mom just hates throwing anything out and I was afraid she would go through it and keep something.

She had two shelves in this cabinet full of meds. Now she doesn't even have enough to fill one shelf. We have her medicines all organized now. I also cleaned out 3 other cabinets for her and there was something on her kitchen ceiling that had splattered up there so I cleaned it off. Changed the sheets on her bed and stayed while she took a shower.

It was work, but I had a good time...Mom was being good...lol...and I enjoyed being with her.

Today..she wants me to take her to Wal Mart if she's strong enough (she can ride one of the scooters), but she would like to get a few groceries and some gift cards. Mom wasn't able to gift shop and well....neither was I. Hopefully she'll be fine and we can get her there and back without an incident of any kind.

I do need to bake a cake or buy one for Monday....my little boy is going to be 20 years old on Monday the 20th....I can't believe it. Someone's getting old and it sure isn't me....rofl!!!!

Thank you all for your prayers. I appreciate you all so much and really don't know what I'd do without you all.

[gja1000]

I"m glad to hear that things are going better. Did you get her to Walmart? Gary is having to ride in the little carts now at Walmart, etc. too. His asthma kicked up with all the construction and moving so he is not able to walk very far without being completely out of breath. I hope your mom was able to do some shopping. Doing normal activities will help her feel better!

[DianaB]

I'm glad to hear that your Mom is better and back home. I'm glad to hear that she's well enough to go to Walmart and ride the scooters. Hopefully you'll both find some time to do some shopping.

Ricky's going to be 20!!!! Wow!!! That's so hard to believe!!! They do grow so fast!!!!

[Janet]

We did make it to Wal Mart and she spent more than she has in a long time for groceries. She does really well on those scooters...only knocked over one display this time.....lol. It was a good day for her to get gift cards for everyone too. I felt bad for her because she usually buys gifts, but this year there just wasn't enough time and being in the hospital didn't help. I don't have anything bought for her yet or for Rick. I ordered Ricky a couple things, but that it for him too. Just doesn't seem like Christmas this year and I'm so not in the mood. Be glad when it's over.

[JJJ]

Janet I'm so happy to hear she's doing a little better. She sounds so very like my mom, not wanting to throw stuff out :rolleyes:

I hope everything improves for the best.

[judy]

It sounds like she is behaving herself! I know you enjoy your time together when she is being good, so this is a nice Christmas present for you!

[gja1000]

Janet, I just read where your mom is back in the hospital again. I didn't know that! What happened?

[Janet]

I tried posting with my son's Ipod Touch when I was at the hospital, but obviously that didn't work..lol. Hope I didn't post it somewhere else on the forum and end up repeating myself.

My Mom always goes to my younger brother's house Christmas Eve and eats supper. They had pizza. At about 8:30, they brought her to my house because she always spends the night and wakes up with us to open presents. It took my brother and I both to get her into the house...she was just weak and shaky. She told me she had a BM at my brother's house and there was blood.

After an hour...she decided she would go ahead and go to bed. At about 10:30 I heard her calling me and she was having chest pains. She wanted a nitro pill because it frightened her of course, but then took a tums. The pain lessoned and we sat up and talked abit and then both lied down and went to sleep. I woke after about 30, minutes and went to sleep on the couch so I could hear her better than in my bed. She likes the bedroom really warm and I just can't take it.

I got up with her a few times so she could go to the bathroom and each time, it was a BM with blood. We stayed up since it was 5:30 and I fixed some cinnamon rolls. She had a roll, coffee and some juice. Mom was just so weak and couldn't walk or stand by herself so I told her I wasn't going to let her go to my older brother's house for dinner, but I was taking her to the ER instead. She wasn't happy but agreed.

I felt so bad for Mom and she was crying...saying "why me"...."why am I being punished?"

The GI Dr. came in this morning and said that they would be putting Mom on a liquid diet starting tomorrow at 6:30 and plan for a colonoscopy, but she still needed to be bleeding to know where the blood is coming from.

The heart Dr. came in and said that from her last stress test, there was damage and blockages. That we were not to worry about that now because they needed to get her bleeding stopped because it stresses the heart. Her heart enzymes are high, the EKG didn't show another heart attack of any kind, but the bleeding could be causing it to be high. As soon as they get the bleeding stopped, they will be doing an angio something/heart cath? But it was important to get the bleeding stopped first.

That is where we are now. Mom wanted me to spend the night, but I needed to get some laundry done so I told her I would be at the hospital tomorrow around noon and then possibly spend the night then.

I hope they can fix what is wrong....I'm exhausted. Been with Mom everyday for almost a week and a half and almost fell asleep at the wheel coming home from the hospital last night. I won't be driving that tired/sleepy ever again.

I would really appreciate you keeping Mom in your prayers.

[gja1000]

Oh Janet, I'm so sorry! I know you are exhausted, I've been there so many times with Gary. You just feel like you can't do anymore, yet you do! I'm so glad school is out this week so you don't have to drive the bus.

When they get the bleeding stopped, and they do the heart cath, I hope they can put in stents or control the heart things with medication. I'm not sure your mom can stand surgery.

Please get your brothers to help you, if they can do something to help. You just can't do it all yourself.

Keep us posted!

[Blueyes]

Oh Janet, you and your mom are having such a hard time. I hope they can get to the bottom of her problems soon. Don't worry about the heart cath, it's a pretty simple procedure. They will give her a pill to relax, then put a tiny line in the artery in her groin up to her heart and inject dye. It will show exactly how much blockage she has and where it is. If it's something they can open with a stent, they will do it right then. They use the same line they already have in there to place the stent. Mike has 11 stents:eek:

I hope they can easily pinpoint the bleeding. I'm sorry she feels so bad, and I know how hard it is for you to watch. Will pray for you both!

[JJJ]

Hoping to hear some good news but I guess not :(

I do hope she feels better soon. Sending lots of positive energy.

[Janet]

Thank you ladies. She knows the procedures are very serious, but she's so tired of being sick, weak, and light headed all the time...she's ready for just about anything. I've been up since 6:30 doing laundry..still have a ways to go, but at least I can get most of it done and get back to the hospital. Not real thrilled about spending the night...but she was disappointed I didn't stay last night.

My older brother and his wife do help alot...but...they both work all day, so it's harder for them. My younger brother works too, but he's an a$$. He wanted to know what set Mom off with the bleeding and I told him most likely the pizza (sausage, tomato sauce..etc.) and he turned it right back on Mom asking me if she knew she shouldn't have it. I told him she knew (but forgets) and she probably didn't want to make them go out of their way to fix something special for her..his wife is an a$$ too. She told me if she were me...she would have had Mom at the ER sooner. I have a feeling if they don't watch what they're saying I'm gonna explode big time and it won't be pretty. I'm tired, worried and I'm not about to put up with their crap. Sorry to rant...but I'd just as soon as them stay as far away as possible.

[paula1961]

Janet I'm so sorry that your Mom is so sick. The hospital stays and the worry alone completely exhausts a person. A nasty family member makes it a dozen times worse. I'm continueing to pray for your Mom.~Hugs to you~

[DianeW]

Janet... My thoughts and prayers are with you, especially your poor mum. I understand what you are going through, it is so so hard, i felt i had to be strong for everyone else, recently when i went through a difficult time - it still is difficult if i am honest.

I am thinking of you, even though i have not been feeling upto posting lately, i do still check in.

Take care.

[DianaB]

Oh Janet, I'm so sorry to hear that your Mom's in the hospital again. I know that it's not only hard on her but on you as well. I hope they find what's causing the bleeding and can get it stopped soon. Go and stay with your Mom and don't worry about what needs done at home.....you have several days before you have to go back to work. Take care of yourself and you and your Mom will be in my prayers. Love to you both!!!

[Janet]

I'm here at the hospital and spending the night with Mom. I was able to get all the laundry done, I was running out of clothes to wear...lol. She has to drink that 'go-lite' stuff to clean her out, the colonoscopy will be done in the morning around 11:30 AM.

Right now she is having dialysis fluid drained so I'm sitting here while they are hooking her up with a mask on. Never done that while on the computer... :) Mom is so happy that I'm here with her and I'm glad she's happy. I doubt we'll get much sleep because when that stuff starts working, I know we'll be running to the bathroom often. Her hip is hurting her bad right now so the nurse is going to get her some tylenol. The hip has arthritis in it and some times is very painful. Didn't hurt much at all yesterday, but tonight...she is really complaining about it.

I will be so glad when tomorrow comes and she can quit drinking that stuff....it's pretty nasty and it breaks my heart she has to drink it and is so miserable doing so.

Thank you all again for everything. You really have know idea how much I love you all and the support you give to me and my Mom.

[gja1000]

I know your mom is so happy you are there with her. But you are right. You will get little if any, sleep. I always feel like crap when I stay all night in the hospital with Gary.

[Blueyes]

Janet, get them to put a potty chair right beside the bed so she doesn't have far to go. She's already so weak and dizzy, she's gonna feel awful when that stuff starts to work. Don't hesitate to call the nurse for help! I'm so glad you are there for your mom, and I'm glad she appreciates it. I have spent many, many nights with my mom just in the same circumstances you are in now. And you know what...I would be a happy, happy woman if I had just one more night to spend with her, even if it was a Go-Lite night, lol!

[DianaB]

It sounds like your Mom's being taken well care of.......by you and the nurses. I'm sorry that you probably won't get much sleep but that's the price that we have to pay......sometimes it's with our kids and sometimes it's with our parents. You'll have some free days at home thankfully to catch up. Again......hugs to you and your Mom.

[Janet]

We do have a potty next to the bed...it makes it so much easier. It's 5:30 AM now and I've gotten about an hours sleep. I'm hoping while Mom is having the procedure I can maybe catch up a little.

[gja1000]

Yes Janet, do try to sleep while she is gone to the procedure. Otherwise, you are going to feel horrible today.

[lynne b]

Janet, I hope they can get some results today and find where/why your mom is lossing blood.

I have been thinking and praying for you both! Hope you can get some rest, (one reason i haven't called you, don't want to interupt you if you are sleeping.)

Miss you though!!

[JJJ]

Hope everything works out great and they find the problem. Get some rest.

[DianaB]

Sorry that you didn't get more sleep than that. Try to get in a nap or two today. You're in my thoughts and prayers!! Hugs!!!

[paula1961]

Sorry you didn't get much rest. That's very hard to get when you're staying at the hospital. You and your Mom are in my prayers today Janet. I hope all goes well with her test.

[DianeW]

Just checking in again for news..........

[Janet]

The colonoscopy was done this morning and they didn't find anything. No signs of bleeding anywhere...no inflamation...nothing. Still could be recurring diverticulitis. Hospital Dr. said they may want to do the camera thing where she swallows it to see if there is any bleeding in the small intestines. The GI Dr. hasn't been as of yet. The hospital Dr. even said that the may send her home tomorrow.....duh????? What the heck??? They haven't figured anything out yet.

They also did an MRI because Mom has arthritis in her hip, but for the last few days it's been sending a horrible pain down her leg...bad enough that she cries. Her leg then becomes numb feeling. Sounds like a nerve is getting pinched somewhere, but I will find out the results of that tomorrow.

I'm not sure what to think or do until I get back over there. If there is a chance of Mom bleeding and becoming weak again, which there is....she's not going to be able to stay alone. I wouldn't mind her being here, but I don't even want to be here...lol. Plus the fact that she is starting to just tell me to do this or to do that without even trying herself. Not sure I could live that way.

Well enough of that for today....praying for some better...more informative news tomorrow.

I came home around 2:00 went straight to the couch and slept till after 6. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight and head back to the hospital in the morning.

[paula1961]

My heart goes out to you Janet. I went thru this same stuff for so long. I am not trying to depress you but this could be a very long road with your Mom honey. My Dad went through so many tests that came back not showing anything. My prayers are with you..and I wish I could be there and give you a great big hug! You are a wonderful daughter and I'm sure that your Mom without saying....appreciates you just being there with her. I will pray for comfort for her...I know that is all we can hope for Janet. If she would be comfortable staying with you....that might be for the best..Dad and Mom came up here for a few days and it is those days that I am so very thankful for before Dad passed. I so hope that I haven't depressed you..........I'm only thinking of what you are going through..and speaking from my heart as to what I went through. I love you.

[gja1000]

Well, the blood in her stool is coming from her intestines somewhere. It's so frustrating to not be able to find out where. If it is red when it comes out, then it is not too high up. Usually blood in the small intestines comes out black, rather than red. Keep after them till they find out what it is. She can't continue to bleed!

[DianaB]

I think they should keep her until they find out where the bleeding is coming from......or until they feel that it's controled. My Dad had trouble with bleeding from "somewhere" and he kept having problems and would have to go in to receive blood. It was very tiresome and I didn't have to deal with as much as you are. I hope that they can find something out.

[Janet]

My heart goes out to you Janet. I went thru this same stuff for so long. I am not trying to depress you but this could be a very long road with your Mom honey. My Dad went through so many tests that came back not showing anything. My prayers are with you..and I wish I could be there and give you a great big hug! You are a wonderful daughter and I'm sure that your Mom without saying....appreciates you just being there with her. I will pray for comfort for her...I know that is all we can hope for Janet. If she would be comfortable staying with you....that might be for the best..Dad and Mom came up here for a few days and it is those days that I am so very thankful for before Dad passed. I so hope that I haven't depressed you..........I'm only thinking of what you are going through..and speaking from my heart as to what I went through. I love you.

Paula...I appreciate your advice and kindness more than you know. Your post didn't depress me at all. It's been a long road already...over a year and I know there is more to come, for how long....for as long as God knows we can deal with it. I hope I'm not disappointing him.

Well, the blood in her stool is coming from her intestines somewhere. It's so frustrating to not be able to find out where. If it is red when it comes out, then it is not too high up. Usually blood in the small intestines comes out black, rather than red. Keep after them till they find out what it is. She can't continue to bleed!

Thank you for that Gayle...they didn't tell us that info. The blood is more red than black. As gross as this is to some....the stool is black because of all the iron she was taking, but it seaps away red. I'm going to try and insist they do the camera thing before she leaves.

I think they should keep her until they find out where the bleeding is coming from......or until they feel that it's controled. My Dad had trouble with bleeding from "somewhere" and he kept having problems and would have to go in to receive blood. It was very tiresome and I didn't have to deal with as much as you are. I hope that they can find something out.

I think they should keep her too, until they find what's going on or else there is nothing they can do. I know it's difficult at her age and even though I don't want to lose my Mom....I don't want her to suffer either. She cries more than I've ever seen her cry and it is just so heartbreaking.

[Shada]

Janet.. I am so sorry you and your Mom are going thru so much again!

My prayers are with you and your Mom. Hugs to you my friend.

[Janet]

Thank you Shada....sure miss you when you're not here.

[judy]

Hi Janet. Sorry I haven't been on for a few days and didn't know about Mom. My prayers are with you both. It is so clear that you two love each other so much, and that her illnesses have brought you even closer. She isn't so bossy when she is sick! And you get a chance to do for her, which I know she appreciates.

I hope they don't send her home without a clear diagnosis! They do that though. The cost, etc., etc.

I am thinking of you and have you in my heart always.

[JJJ]

Wow, I can only imaging the frustruation :(

Hang in there I'm sure everything will turn out well. My ex at one point had the same problem and no one could figure anything out. After a while the bleeding decrease and finally stop. Hopefully nothing serious.

[Janet]

Mom has Dr. appts on the 6th, 17th, 18th, 19th and 24th. All follow ups...lol. Guess I'll be busy. We just got notice of these appts. when they released her. The wonderful ladies at Wellbound...the kidney dialysis place....that they will try and combine some of the appts to make it a little easier. All I really care about is that the roads stay in good shape.

[gja1000]

Janet, that sounds like my life. Gary had/has doctors appointments on Dec. 29, Jan 4, Jan 5, Jan 6, Jan 18, and Jan 19. Granted he CAN take himself, but he really can't go by himself because he doesn't hear well enough to know what the doctor is saying.

[Janet]

That is exactly the same with Mom. She could go herself....although everyone else should be off the roads...lol, but she can't hear what they tell her....don't understand what they tell her....and then forgets by the time she gets home.

Spoke with her this morning and she had a great night....lots of sleep...lots of fluid off. Only complaint is her hip and leg.

[gja1000]

I'm glad she had a better night! It's always better to be home in your own bed. I just wish they knew what was causing the blood loss! Her memory loss may be due to the hospital stays, and the low blood volume. She will likely improve if she is able to stay home, not lose any more blood, and feel better.

LOL! Gary can't hear, can't remember, and doesn't understand either!

[Janet]

Mom had another good day yesterday. I did go in and change the bed sheets and mop her kitchen floor. I carried the sheets and other items needing washed to the kitchen, but I made her get up and do the laundry. Mom is the type if you do one thing....she wants you to do more as she watches...lol. Fooler her...lolol She needs to get up and move about more.

[DianaB]

It sounds like your Mom's doing well. I'm glad that she's back home. You can't do things for them when they can do them theirselves because they can lose strength so quickly. They need that activity.

[Shada]

Hope the New Year brings more strength back to your Mom.

Glad she is home!!!!

[paula1961]

I'm so glad to hear that your Mom is home Janet. I pray that she continues to improve!!:)

[Janet]

It's been a rough couple of days. On Thursday night, Mom went in to turn her cycler on so her dialysis fluid warms up. She said she went in a little after 6:00 pm and called me at 6:30 telling me she just got up off the floor...that she must have passed out. She said she didn't need anything but thought I needed to know. The roads were real slick so I called my brother who is only a few blocks from her. When she went down...she hit her head above her left eye, scraped her right arm enough that it brought blood to the surface of her skin and on her left arm...scraped the top level of skin off. It was soooo close to her fistula that if it had punctured it...she would have bled to death.

I took her to her scheduled Dr. visit on Friday. Her Dr. checked her over and when speaking with Mom found out this isn't the first blackout, she had another within the last week. She also had a close one with me at her house and another at the Dr.'s office. The Dr. seems to think it's her heart. She did speak with her a bit about realizing that Mom isn't going to be able to stay by herself much longer.

Mom as a vist to her heart Dr. scheduled so hopefully we'll learn something there. If it wasn't so painful it would be funny, but now on top of everything else.....mom's hemmeroids are acting up. She just cried and said "what more am I gonna have to go through". I feel so bad for her.

I do think she'll be coming out to our house for awhile. I told her we'd bring her bed since she's used to it and her recliner. She started to cry and said she didn't want to lose her house and things, but I assured her that wasn't going to happen. That I could still take her there once in a while during the day, but at night she needed to stay with me. She's been doing okay on her dialysis, but forgetting how to get the 'cassette' out of her cycler, so I've had to go in and do it.

If feels like posting about my Mom is all I do anymore and I'm so sorry. It's getting to be too much and I'm exhausted and tired of crying so much myself. Please just keep us in your prayers.

[gja1000]

Janet, Janet, Janet, I was afraid something like this was going on since you hadn't been here or FB for a few days. I'm so sorry.

It is so very hard to make this transition. You are right though, it is not safe for your mom to be alone anymore. She likely needs a pacemaker and that may help the blackout spells, but with all her health problems, it just isn't safe for her to be alone. Many families have to make this decision and it is very hard. I know she doesn't want to give up her independence and her home and privacy, but sometimes in order to be safe, we have to compromise. On the other hand, some people say that they want to stay home no matter the consequences, and then we have to accept the consequences if something terrible happens.

It sounds like she is willing to stay with you - but this will change your life for the foreseeable future and it is hard. I haven't gone through this with my mom, but with Gary 7 years ago, when he first developed heart failure and a myriad of other problems at the same time. I found that I just had to compartmentalize my day, e.g., do what I had to do at the time and not dwell on what the rest of the day might bring. If I thought about everything at once, I would cry and it would drive me crazy.

You can do this, of course, but it is hard. You just have to take each day, hour, minute and do what you can and then go on. You can't sweat the small stuff! The guys are going to have to pitch in and do some things for themselves. And some things are going to go undone - that is OK!

You have to take care of yourself too, or you will get sick. Trust me on this. You feel you don't have enough time for yourself and you don't - but you must try to take care of the things you need. If you don't you won't be able to take care of her.

It's so hard, but you will do a good job, I know you will. Come here anytime you get a chance - we are all worried about you and your mom!

[Janet]

Saturday morning, my SIL stopped to check on Mom. She saw some blood and feces on the kitchen floor that Mom hadn't cleaned up. Mom just told her she was going to get it, but was resting.

I went to Mom's around 4 PM. She was just hanging up the phone when I walked in. She had been calling me to come fix her supper because she was just too weak. I fixed her supper and then started doing the dishes. Mom said that she thought she needed to go to the bathroom but didn't know if she would be able to make it. I got her up and we headed to the bathroom. She totally lost control about 4 feet in front of the bathroom and by the time we actually got in there, there was a blood and feces everywhere. I got her to her bed and cleaned her up and got her to the ER again. She's still there. She's decided she really doesn't want to come to my house....and I'm really starting to agree. We are seeing about home health care and I am calling to set up a meeting for when Mom is dismissed from the hospital.

Her hemo was 11.3 on Monday and dropped to 9.3 on Saturday. They gave her two units of blood, did a CAT scan of her head from the fall she had on Thursday and then did an ultra sound on her neck (cartroid arteries?) to see if there was any blockage causing blackouts. The Drs. seem pretty determined to find the cause of the bleeding because the blood is still in her stool. I spent the night with her in the hospital so I would be able to speak with all the Drs. as they made their rounds. Got to talk to all except for the one I wanted to speak with the most...the GI dr. I did leave a note for her with some questions so hopefully she'll get in and answer them. I finally left at 4 because I was just too tired and sleepy to stay any longer.

I told Mom today that she needs to be more open because we are searching for the best home health care and if she didn't cooperate...then she was going to have to go to assisted living or nursing home. It was so hard to say that to her, but I realized I just don't think I could handle it all with Mom at my house. I want it to be okay, but I just don't think it would. She wants me to do everything for her and I just can't....I need some time for me.

Seems I'm writing a book lately when I am able to post. Please keep us in your prayers. Thank you for all your advice Gayle....I love you and you don't know how much your knowledge and experience is helping. Lynne....thanks for calling today...I really needed someone to talk to.

[gja1000]

Janet, you are right to not bring her to your house in this state - it is too much and she really needs some skilled nursing care. If you had a wonderfully supportive family at home that would take care of everything at your home, and you didn't have to work, then you might be able to handle it, but it would be very hard. I'm not sure home health will be enough right now. If they find the source of the bleeding, then yes, but now with what is happening, she needs pretty intense care.

[JJJ]

You're going through a very rough situation but only you know whats best for your mom. She needs professional assistance, someone who is train to handle her well being. I also used to work in a home health facility where they would send a nurse and aid to seniors homes. That might be ideal if she doesn't want to leave her home. They don't go every single day but a few day's out of the week might give you a break also.

[Gina]

Janet I am sorry that you and your mom are going through this.. I will keep you both in my prayers.. hugs to you.

[judy]

Janet,
You are at a rough spot with your Mom right now. It does not sound like she can be alone or at your house. I hope there is a wonderful facility where she will be taken care of 24/7, and be happy. You can visit her as often as you both need, but you will both feel safe.

You know I am praying for you both.

[Janet]

Still in hospital since Saturday. They just took her to have a flexible sigmoidoscopy done. I hope it's not too painful for her because they won't be putting her out for the procedure. I have a sub for the afternoon route. So I'll be here till this evening when my brothers will be here.

Road are snow packed and icy, but it still only takes about 30 minutes to get to the hospital. Not sure how much longer they'll keep her, but I do know.....I need a vacation really bad!!! More snow due this weekend I guess so I hope it's not much.

[paula1961]

How's your Mom doing Janet?

[Janet]

She's is home now Paula. She shouldn't be really, but I have people coming in to help and a service that delivers the noon meal every day. I'm beginning to believe that Mom really sees why she shouldn't be at home alone, but she is continuing to try.

[JJJ]

She's is home now Paula. She shouldn't be really, but I have people coming in to help and a service that delivers the noon meal every day. I'm beginning to believe that Mom really sees why she shouldn't be at home alone, but she is continuing to try.

There's no place like home. I certainly hope she regains some strenght. I will send tons of positive energy her way.

[paula1961]

My thoughts and prayers are with you Janet! I feel what you are going through. I love you and I am sending many hugs to you!!:lovu:

[Janet]

After sleeping much better last night she feels a bit better this morning. Her arthritic hip is hurting her pretty bad today, but on the 21st I take her to this arthritis/pain Dr. so I'm praying he can help her with that. She said it was all she could do to stand and fix her breakfast.

The home nurse should be coming today and tomorrow will start her Meals On Wheels visit.

[gja1000]

Maybe the home aid could come in the mornings, fix breakfast and then something for dinner too!

[Janet]

That's what we're hoping for Gayle. If Mom could just get the pain to go away she would probably be able to do fix herself some meals. Things is with Mom....you do anything for her and she'll not try herself.

[gja1000]

Yep, I understand that wanting everyone to do for her. She needs it when she's in a lot of pain, but not if she can get the pain under control.

[Janet]

The first Wheels On Meals meal was delivered to Mom yesterday. She sure wasn't happy...LOLOL. They brought buttered beans and some kind of tough meat. Also milk and apple juice. Mom didn't like any of it. She told me to just cancel it. I told her she needs to wait just a bit and see if there is something else that she'll like...not to judge just one meal. I did ask her if she knew the person that brought it and she said...."no...it was some elderly lady". ROFL!!!! She has no clue...LOLOL

Since I have a 2-hour delay today, my brother and his wife will be taking Mom to the pain dr. I sure hope something can be done to help her.

[gja1000]

Janet, often meals on wheels are not the most tasty foods - but hey, you didn't have to fix it and it is free (or it used to be free). If your mom is craby about food, she is not likely to be happy!

[JJJ]

Is there any way some one can make enough meat for lets say two weeks. I don't remember what there called but you wrapped the food in plastic and then the machine sucks the air out. You can freeze the meat and when she wants meat she just boils the bag. Her nurse can boil it for her and it taste great.

[Janet]

Thanks.....when/if she gets to come home...I'll definitely try that.

[gja1000]

Janet, how's your mom today? How are the plans to go to rehab going?

[Janet]

Gayle....Mom is feeling better and with better spirits. Her speech is improving some if she continues to take her time to talk. I proud that she is trying so hard to use her right hand and it too is showing improvement. She's ready to get out of the hospital and on to rehab. The case worker came in yesterday and we gave her our choices for rehab...two right in our town and one just a few miles away and all three have excellent programs. I was hoping to be there when she came back in yesterday, but I had to leave. So I should know more today. They did move Mom out of PCU last night and has soon as we can get her to a rehab fac. she'll be released. Sure hope there is good news today.

I do want to tell you Gayle that I appreciate and love you so much. Your knowledge, caring and encouragement has meant everything to me. Even though we have not met in person....I have this inner peace in your suggestions and recommendations for me to do. Everything you've sent my way and I in turn speak with the Drs. about, is always right on. I just want you to know I'm so happy you are in my life...even if it is at a distance.

[DianaB]

I'm glad to hear that your Mom is improving. That's such good news!!! Rehab will help with getting a lot of her movements and speech back! Soon she'll be back to her ol' ornery self!!!!.............and wanting to go to Florida!!!!! LOL

[gja1000]

Janet, you are so sweet! Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so glad that I can help out from far away - and don't worry, we will meet someday!

I hope your mom gets to go to your first choice of rehab facilities!!!

[judy]

This is good news Janet! I am very happy for you that she is doing better.

[paula1961]

So glad that your Mom is doing better Janet.

[JJJ]

YAY!!!! So happy to hear the good news.

[Janet]

Mom is at the Mulberry Retirement Community in the rehab area. She had her first occupational, physical and speech therapy sessions yesterday and did really good. Mom is trying so hard. We had to be careful when she ate because of her swallowing, but she is doing good there too. Mom didn't cough/choke at all during her speech therapy.

I did spend the first night with her and we did not get sleep....new bed....new place and Mom...well...she couldn't sleep so guess who didn't get to either??? LOL

I am not going over quite as early today...need to mail her bills, pay mine and throw a load or two of laundry in, then I'll head over.

Mom is doing better and as long as there are no setbacks all the therapists think she'll only be there a few weeks. That makes Mom work harder.

[gja1000]

I'm so happy to hear this positive update! YAY for MOM! I knew she had a lot of rehab potential, given her symptoms right after the stroke.

You take care of yourself, Janet. I know she wants you there with her A LOT, but she will be fine and you don't need to wear yourself out running back and forth. Wean her off a little bit day by day. It wouldn't be terrible if you skipped a day or two now and then.

I hope things continue to go smoothly! They really work them HARD at rehab and this is as it should be. She may complain a bit about the rigor of rehab once they get going. It will be OK though!

[paula1961]

I am so glad to hear that your Mom is in rehab! And happy that things are going well for her there. I hope she continues to improve Janet.:)

[Janet]

Mom's day didn't start off as well as she wanted yesterday. Still didn't sleep well and then the dialysis machine had a cliche at the end, but all was fine. Just made her nervous. So yesterday I went and got her a foam egg carton thingy for her bed. Last night I gave her a good bath and washed her hair hoping that having the foam thingy and being fresh and clean would help her sleep. I will head over right after the bus route. I had a phone installed for her yesterday, but it's not working right so need to call the phone co. Once that gets hooked up and working correctly I need to rest. I'm so tired and I have so much to do to get caught up, plus....I just want to sleep.

Her 2nd day of therapy went great except for the fact they made me do them too....lol...but I really need the exercise. Even though this has been a horrible ordeal.....Mom and I have had a lot of laughs (and tears) but we're doing good. Thank you all for all the thoughts and prayers....I truly believe they are working.

[gja1000]

I need to rest. I'm so tired and I have so much to do to get caught up, plus....I just want to sleep.

YES! You need to get some rest and reduce your stress too!!!

[JJJ]

Lol, why did they make you exercise? :p

So glad she's doing good, hope everything gets better from here.

[lynne b]

Janet, glad too hear things are going better for your mom, hope she's able to get more rest tonight. I know mom hates her bed also, i have offered to take her own bed there but she says no.

Hope things settle down for you a little so you can get some rest now.

Still in my prayers!!

[DianaB]

Janet, I agree with Gayle....you need to take care of yourself and get some good rest.

[Janet]

I think getting some good sleep just might happen tonight. I asked Rick if he'd sleep in another room so I wouldn't hear anything and I'll draw the shades so it will stay dark later. I'm so looking forward to it. Gonna check out a few more threads and then I'm heading to bed.

[Gina]

Hi Janet.. So happy to hear that mom is all settled in the rehab place and is doing well. I know that with each passing day she will get much better and in no time be home. I hope that you have a restfull night tonight and sleep like a baby for you deserve it.. You and mom are in my prayers...

[Janet]

Well...that good sleep didn't last....I was called at 4:30 am with news that Mom was bleeding in her bowels again and her blood pressure was really low. Got her to the ER and we're back in the hospital again. Here it is Sunday (got her here Sat. morning) and she is still bleeding. Needed two units of blood and they gave her a new IV med to try and stop the bleeding. They just don't know where for sure it's coming from but are still thinking the diverticulitis. I wish they could get this figured out. Not sure how much longer Mom can take this cycle of losing blood...receiving blood...etc.

[judy]

Oh no! Prayers for you and Mom, Janet.

[gja1000]

They have just GOT to figure this bleeding out. Your mom (and you) must be so absolutely sick of this. I just can't believe it!

[Lindsey]

They have just GOT to figure this bleeding out. Your mom (and you) must be so absolutely sick of this. I just can't believe it!

I feel the same way. I can't believe they will keep discharging her without knowing what's wrong! Why not keep her and figure it out instead of sending her away and having her come back time after time... I know how stressful it is on you Janet to always be worrying about her, but at least if she stayed in the hospital she'd be monitored and in capable hands. I am praying for you and your mom.

[JJJ]

Is it extremely serious? I know some people had to have surgery to figure out the cause. You mention diverticulitis have they done a CT scan. Normally people with diverticulitis have high blood pressure. But I am nowhere an expert. I'm guessing if they keep discharging her it's not alarming.

You should tell them to keep her until they figure out whats wrong. Atleast you will be able to rest knowing she's around professionals. More positive energy your way.

[Janet]

From what they are saying if it the diveticulitis....it can bleed like the dickens and then stop and they would not be able to figure out where it's coming from if it's not bleeding...I just don't know why they won't go in while she's bleeding. I'm so tired of all this crap...the ups and downs and worries. Mom being sad and crying and then today....she is being a real butt now that she has had two units of blood yesterday. Feeling better and wanting to eat, buy they have her on a full liquid diet. Hopefully the Dr. will be in soon and change that to mech. soft or normal. She was so hungry/mad that she was crying and now won't eat. If she can't have what she wants...she's not eating.

I want to go home during this storm....but if I was home....I know I would worry about her being here. Just don't know what to do......I'm beginning to get really angry myself.

[DianaB]

Tough situation but you know that you'd want to be with your Mom. Hopefully they'll get her some food and she'll settle down. You probably need to remind her that they're only doing things for her own good. Hugs!!!

[Janet]

They finally let Mom have normal food again. She is being nice again and not so trying AND she apologized. Wonders never cease do they... :) The Dr. came in and said that it's just too dangerous for people with heart failure to go under and (excuse me) up the rectum. Is that true Gayle? They did the sigmoidoscopy and didn't find anything last week and went 'up'. I just don't even know what to ask anymore and it's even worse when I can't remember exactly what they tell me.

[gja1000]

Well, I'm not sure what they propose to do since they (ahem) went "up" last week. It is true that anesthesia is not good for people with heart failure - but they've got to do something to find out how to stop the bleeding. Ask him if they can't do THAT, what CAN they do to find out what is causing the bleeding?????

[DianaB]

I hope the doctors can find what's causing the bleeding. She surely can't go on like she has been. That's a big concern!!

[JJJ]

My grandma was in her late 80's and they perform an endoscope procedure on her. I think if they have a good anesthisiologist, and a good gastrointestinal surgeon she should be good to go. Maybe you need a second opinion to see if they can perform the colonoscopy or sigmoidoscopy. They must not be to worry if they can't find a solution. Hopefully they won't plan on doing those procedures when she's too weak to handle them :mad:

So sorry your going through this, but I agree with Gayle they have to find a way to stop the bleeding.

[Janet]

They've already performed the colonoscopy and sigmoidoscopy and didn't find anything. With all that is wrong....kidney failure and heart failure...they just don't have many more options to try I guess.

[judy]

Can you get someone else to go talk to the doctor with you? It is so hard to remember what they say, or what to ask, when you're so stressed out? Maybe you can make an appointment to speak with her doctor and get more info? Make a list of questions too, if you do that.

[Janet]

Great idea Judy....we have a couple of follow up appts coming soon so I need to start making a list of questions.

[gja1000]

Janet, are you home yet?

[Janet]

Yes...I'm so sorry. I came home on Thursday and Mom is with us. She did not want to go back to the nursing home. She was only there for 4 days, but didn't sleep a night. So...we have all her things here. She has slept both nights really well and eating better too. Mom has to use a walker because she is still weak and wobbley. She's getting better at handling it.

It's been easier for me to hook her up at night too...she can no longer do it herself until her strength is built back up. The home nurse came Friday and did a thorough visit. The physical therapist is coming next week. So far...just a couple days...it's been easier on me and I'm sleeping better. She still wants to go home and as soon as the weather is good and the sidewalks clear...I will take her home to visit her house. She misses it terribly, but knows she can't live alone. I will do my best for her and she knows it, but when it gets to be too much then she knows what will need to be done. I've made it very clear without making it a threat. I love my Mom and I've really enjoyed growing closer to her.

[paula1961]

Janet I'm so glad your Mom is with you. I know how hard this is for her and for you as well. I think about you often and I say a little prayer for you and your Mom. I know how much you love her. I'm sure you remember the last several months that my Dad was with us, we stayed the whole time with him and Mom.
I hope that your Mom gets stronger soon and is able to at least go and visit her house. But for now, she is so much better off being there with you.:)

[Blueyes]

Janet, I just got a chance to get online to check on you. My wireless router croaked and I couldn't get to town for another one because of the weather.

I'm glad your mom is with you and you are both comfortable. I begged to bring my mom home with me after her stroke, but she needed medical care that I just couldn't supply. So I spent LOTS of time at the nursing home every day. I know it's a crazy, stressful time for you. Just hang in there! Love ya:)

[gja1000]

Janet, I know it is so much easier with your mom at your house. I'm glad she is there. You ask for help though, when you need it. Don't try to do everything yourself!

[lynne b]

Janet, glad to hear you are home again, i hope things are going better for your mom and you. I'm sure it is much easier on you both with her being there.

Sorry i haven't called you, just been crazy here with the weather, we'll talk soon.

[judy]

This sounds like a good thing, Janet. You are both sleeping better, so it must be so much less stressful. It sounds like the perfect solution for right now. You both need to be together because love makes everything better.

[Janet]

So far, and I know it's soon, but things have really been good. I know it won't always be, we'll have our moments I'm sure, but she knows I'm trying my hardest to take care of her and she tells me she loves me all the time. I love her too.

[JJJ]

Everyone can tell you love your mom, your the best daughter she can ever have.

I'm so glad she is still doing good.

[Janet]

I think I hurt her feelings a little bit. We were in the kitchen and Lynne called. I hadn't spoke with Lynne for a few days and I missed her. I sat at the kitchen table and talked for a moment and then went to the living room. Toward the end of Lynne and I's conversation, Mom came in and something about me leaving the room to talk on the phone. I said that was kind of rude and then she said I was rude for leaving the room. She said there was no reason to leave if I was talking to Betty (my SIL). I told her that I wasn't talking to Betty and that there are times when I want to speak with my friends in private.

It was just one of the hurdles we will be facing, but we got through it...had a nice supper and then shared some laughter.

[gja1000]

Boundaries Janet. They are important. You will drive yourself crazy if you don't have boundaries. You are not a couple. It is hard but important. Let her know that you love her and will be there for her but that there will be things and times that she won't be a part of. It just has to be that way or you will lose yourself and you will not be happy. It was not rude of you to leave the room and your mom needs to understand that your life does not completely revolve around her. Again it is hard but necessary.

[Blueyes]

Yes Janet...what Gayle said:D

[JJJ]

Lol, a bit of jealously there.

[judy]

It sounds like you handled it well, even though you probably feel guilty. Guilt sucks, but sometimes you have to live with it or else.....what Gayle said!

[Janet]

Quilt does suck, but I really didn't feel guilty. It mostly made me angry, but I held my anger in check and let her know that there will be things I won't share. I loved your advice Gayle...it's so true and I'm going to make sure the boundaries are set and enforced.

[DianaB]

I agree with Gayle. I hope that you're able to put some boundries in place with your Mom. You're a good daughter and I know that you're going to look back one day and be glad that you did this for your Mom!!!

[Janet]

I know... It sure is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but we're doing good. I'm tired alot because I have to get up with her during the night when she has to go potty. It'll work out somehow...where there is a will there is a way.