this is hilarious!!
 

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly
removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting
the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8.Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thought for the day:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..... THEY ARE NOT REALLY
GOOD FOR ANYTHING... BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO
YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

Hey no mouse traps on my alarm clock and I have a toothache now so stay away from hammers. Bobby totally agrees with the thought for the day.

you know on the forum I got this from I posted that it so sounded like something my brother & I would come up with.

Lol. Those are so funny. I'm sure the mousetrap would definitely keep me from hitting the "snooze" button!

So true--He agrees

Those are so funny!! Think I'll see if any of them work....LOL

Ohh, so are you going to use the mousetrap in the morning??? :p

Hahahaha those are hilarious! Gotta love the "thought for the day":D

Something that a farmer can't live without is baling wire. They use it for everything!!! Every piece of equipment we have is probably held together with baling wire!!!

Hey whatever works