I'm so sorry to read of the problems you're having with your in-laws. Evidently, they aren't seeing the fact that it's not YOU but both you and your husband who don't make these trips but they are blaming you for his not going. As we get older in life and have our own families, we want to spend the holidays with them.
As a child, we were always at my grandparents for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We'd get up on Christmas morning, see what Santa brought us and while we were playing with our new toys, my dad was loading the car and my mom was taking down the christmas tree. Then, when all that was done, it was time to go. My brother and sisters could pick one new toy (and nothing big) to take with us, the rest had to stay behind until we returned a week later!!! As much as I enjoyed seeing my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousings, to a child leaving behind new toys was upsetting. As I got older, I vowed I would never do that to any children I may have.....and so far, I held true to that! We spend either the week-end before Christmas or after the new year with my in-laws but Christmas is spent at home. As for Thanksgiving, we've been with my mother-in-law once in the 14 years we've been living where we are now and it was a nightmare!! She wanted ALL of her family to stay with her!! There were 8 adults, not counting her, and at that time, 6 grandkids - in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath house!! I think NOT! And she had the nerve to get mad at all of us because we had gotten hotel rooms!! There was no way we were all going to be comfortable in that situation.
I know it upsets you and bothers you but try not to let it. After all this time, the family is going to say what they want about the absence of you and your husband at get-togethers. You are spending time with your own family, making lasting memories with them - that's reason enough to smile
