4WomenTalk Forums Community for Women - View Single Post

Willow · 11-07-2006, 05:52 PM

My mom was a single parent and she kept us away from our dad. I didn't know where he lived and I was 9 the last time I saw him. Divorce was an everyday part of mine and my brothers lives growing up. My mom lived with several different boyfriends and had a baby by one of them and didn't set a very good example for us kids in her lifestyles. When things got bad with a guy, she packed us up and we moved. No stability, no dedication, nothing. Most of her boyfriends abused us. I vowed to myself that when I grew up and married it would be forever no matter what (unless I was being abused! NO way!!) and that ALL my kids would have the same father and be of the same ethnicity (will explain).

My brother Chad is the one my mom had by her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was black and he abused us kids (race has nothing to do with the abuse.) My mom left him because of the abuse. She then hooked up with another guy several years later who sexually abused me and then burned our home down a couple years later. He is now in prison.

During our school years kids picked on us due to having a mixed brother. It hurt so much to be treated as outcasts just because our brother was a little darker than us. Heck, half us white folks kill ourselves in the tanning beds to be as dark as my brother, but we can't accept darker skinned folks due to prejudice minds. It is aggravating!

Marraige offers more stability for children IMO. We came from a one parent home and we didn't have stability. We remember times when there weren't clothes that fit, food to eat, and we mostly remember being alone when the babysitter didn't show up to watch us while mom worked.

But mostly, I remember wondering who my dad was and what he was like and being envious of my friends who had two parents...two REAL parents, not step parents, and wondering what it would be like to have a dad around.

My dad didn't see me grow up. He wasn't there to meet and threaten my first boyfriend. My dad didn't see me graduate. My dad didn't give me away. My dad died without knowing he was grandpa. I didn't see my dad for 12 years. Then I got to see him be buried.

I want more than that for my kids. Marraige is important to me because I want my kids to have the love of two parents, both father and mother. I want them to have the SAME two parents. I have kept both vows so far. I have four children all by my husband, we were married before we had kids, and we have stuck it out so far through thick and thin, but even we have our moments.

And although we both have had a day or two when we were so frustrated that we thought we wanted to call it quits, we look at our children and we realize they deserve better than that. They were created in love, not out of the raging hormones from a one night stand, but a love in the bonds of marraige, and that love is worth working for, fighting for, and living for.

11-07-2006, 05:52 PM	#10
Willow Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 258	My mom was a single parent and she kept us away from our dad. I didn't know where he lived and I was 9 the last time I saw him. Divorce was an everyday part of mine and my brothers lives growing up. My mom lived with several different boyfriends and had a baby by one of them and didn't set a very good example for us kids in her lifestyles. When things got bad with a guy, she packed us up and we moved. No stability, no dedication, nothing. Most of her boyfriends abused us. I vowed to myself that when I grew up and married it would be forever no matter what (unless I was being abused! NO way!!) and that ALL my kids would have the same father and be of the same ethnicity (will explain). My brother Chad is the one my mom had by her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was black and he abused us kids (race has nothing to do with the abuse.) My mom left him because of the abuse. She then hooked up with another guy several years later who sexually abused me and then burned our home down a couple years later. He is now in prison. During our school years kids picked on us due to having a mixed brother. It hurt so much to be treated as outcasts just because our brother was a little darker than us. Heck, half us white folks kill ourselves in the tanning beds to be as dark as my brother, but we can't accept darker skinned folks due to prejudice minds. It is aggravating! Marraige offers more stability for children IMO. We came from a one parent home and we didn't have stability. We remember times when there weren't clothes that fit, food to eat, and we mostly remember being alone when the babysitter didn't show up to watch us while mom worked. But mostly, I remember wondering who my dad was and what he was like and being envious of my friends who had two parents...two REAL parents, not step parents, and wondering what it would be like to have a dad around. My dad didn't see me grow up. He wasn't there to meet and threaten my first boyfriend. My dad didn't see me graduate. My dad didn't give me away. My dad died without knowing he was grandpa. I didn't see my dad for 12 years. Then I got to see him be buried. I want more than that for my kids. Marraige is important to me because I want my kids to have the love of two parents, both father and mother. I want them to have the SAME two parents. I have kept both vows so far. I have four children all by my husband, we were married before we had kids, and we have stuck it out so far through thick and thin, but even we have our moments. And although we both have had a day or two when we were so frustrated that we thought we wanted to call it quits, we look at our children and we realize they deserve better than that. They were created in love, not out of the raging hormones from a one night stand, but a love in the bonds of marraige, and that love is worth working for, fighting for, and living for.