[blowry]

I am 49 yrs "young"...I went through a divorce about 10 yrs ago...before my divorce I went to Diet Workshop...I lost 67 lbs and started excersing....EVERYDAY! I joined a gym which, helped me with the stress of the divorce (I had been married for nearly 20 yrs and I have to wonderful daughters). I started aerobics, running, and lifting weights...I was looking pretty ripped...if I don't say so my self! LOL....However...people were asking me if I was sick...I didn't think I looked that thin at all...matter of fact I would see myself in a mirror and thought I still looked heavy...When I was younger and in high school I was never a big person..the weight only came on (and stayed) once I started having children...so that being said...I think people were so used to seeing me overweight that once I lost weight they thought I looked too thin...I had to quit the gym because I just couldn't afford to go anymore once I was single but, continued to exercise..I would totally FREAK if I gained a pound...I don't know why but, I started to purge myself...I would eat something (even if it wasn't fattening) and then I would get rid of it...My oldest daughter was outside the bathroom one day and heard me.(I didn't know she was in the house..tried to keep this away from EVERYBODY). This went on for a couple of months when I watched a program on TV about bulimia (I knew what it was but ...I would NEVER be like that!! WRONG! I was like that...I talked to my Mom about this and with my families help got through it...Kinda drove me insane though...God forbid if I had to go to the bathroom after eating...you could have heard a pin drop! They were listening...Thank God for them....God only knows what would have happened if I had continued...I NEVER talk about this to ANYONE. This happened 10 yrs ago and this is the first time I have ever told anybody...other than my Mom.