Okay Tink you asked for it!!!! I am a very strict disciplinarian so here goes.....
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If my situation doesn't change soon I'm just going to go ballistic! I get home from work to find a huge mess, no one has let the dog out, he's ripped the house up because they couldn't bother to put him in his crate, and the dirty dishes and laundry just keep piling up
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You need to quit doing their laundry....just stop. Right there will take half your laundry duties away. They are old enough to be doing their own. If you do this and they leave their stuff in the washer or dryer...put it in a garbage bag and take it to their room. Do not put it in the dryer or fold it for them. You'll have to be persistant, but it will work if they want clean clothes.
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The "kids" (ages 18 and 20) keep showing up at work to borrow money, and I'm not talking $5 or $10...
My son now owes me about $2000 and he has no job. He's up all night and sleeps all day and seems all too comfy with the arrangement. Hubby co-signed for his car, put it in our name, and now we're stuck with payments and insurance on it that we have to pay. It's not worth near what he owes on it, so we're stuck with it even though it's not something either of us would want to drive. He also took MY car last stpring without permission and got into a fender bender that cost $2500 which he's supposed to pay off. If he doesn't pay, HE loses his drivers license and I lose the license plates on my car. So you know who is stuck with that bill! If we add the cost of the car, the crash bill, and what he's borrowed from us, he owes more than $11,000 to us and the amount just keeps growing.
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Give them strict orders they are not to come to your place of work for money or anything else that isn't life threatening. Tell them the answer will always be NO. And don't give in. If they continue...send them on their way empty handed.
Your son is taking advantage of you big time. Tell him he has two weeks...no more...to get a job or the car goes. And then stick to it.
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Our daughter usually pays us back as she works at burger king full time, but she too refuses to do anything at home. She messes but won't clean, and more often than not she treats me like I am simply in her way
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If your daughter is working, even at Burger King, she needs to learn how to budget her money, so she is not borrowing from you. Take her mess and throw it in her room. Leave it, do not clean one thing for her. She is old enough to take this responsibility.
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I often end up just sitting in my bedroom to avoid the chaos they cause when they're home, and get woke up several times a week by them calling for rides, or coming in late and being loud.
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Change the locks on the house, if they come home after hours...don't let them in. They are living in your house and should be following your rules.
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How much is a parent supposed to tolerate? What can I do if my husband won't back me? I feel like I'm simply losing my mind and I want to just have some peace and a house I'm not ashamed to invite guests into. It seems that's asking too much.
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You are not asking too much Tink, not at all. Somewhere along the way they learned that this type of behavior was acceptable. It's time they learned it isn't and it will be hard at first, but to all those who wait....good things will come.
I know this will sound harsh...but quit being a doormat. People, kids included can only walk on you if you let them. Before it's all said and done with, more tears will be shed...but you've got to stick to your guns. It will pass and your children will probably be happier too, they won't have Mom going nuts on them. Just be persistant and see what's on the other side....I think you'll like it.
