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WOW! I am sooo sorry to hear things are so tense right now. Let me give you my take on things...
First off.. I can understand you being hurt by it all. I know I would be. It sounds like you have done so much for her. I think that she should have told you what she had planned if nothing else but to show a little respect.
Second.. I am shocked that she is asking for money for a wedding! You are currently paying for her to go to college!
I would let her know that when she gets married that she will paying for her own college tuition. If you want to help with a small wedding I would tell her to start paying for her tuition fee NOW. I would also let her know up front that you only intend on giving her a certain amount of help or money. (Which ever you feel is right)
You know, she doesn't have to have a wedding. There are many other ways to get married. My husband and I never had a wedding. I went and bought a nice dress. It cost me about $45 . He went and bought a nice suit that cost about $80. We also bought plain gold bands.( about $120)We didn't get married in a church either. We got married in the preacher's livingroom. It was the preacher, his wife, and my granny. That was it. That was 12 years ago. Soo my wedding cost about $345. We also gave the preacher some money.
I can't imagine how you feel as I have not been down that road. Just do what you feel is the right thing to do. ((HUGS))
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