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all three are rape. *hug* *hug*
yes your daughter does need to put her and her daughter first. one things victims feel is guilt, but she has to get by that. she is not the least guilty. abusers try to get the victims to feel that guilt also and feel things are the victims fault.
he's got to kick the addiction before he can change at all. then he's got so much more to work on, with all else he's done.
being a victim of abuse myself, getting away from them can be the best thing to do. it's all up to him to get better. she can't do it. and, the child has to be protected.
i'm so sorry you are all going through this.
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