what in the world????!

[Gina]

Originally Posted by tumblnstar

so as most of you already know... i was having a confusing issue with my bf phil. well as im getting up the nerve (aka two glasses of wine) to sit down and have the "where are we going" talk. he BLOWS up. and not about anything to do with us and our future.

he starts by calling me lazy b/c i sleep in 15 minutes later than him and he has to take oscar outside. this is something that he brags about to everyone as in " im sucha sweet boyfriend that i take my gf's dog outside in the morning for her". and today he starts yelling about how lazy it is to sleep in until i have to get up????? im never late for work or anything... i guess he wants me to wake up at the crack of dawn and cook a 5 course breakfast?????

and then he starts yelling at me for missing work last week when my grandfather was in the hospital. first of all... you cant yell at me for that. and second of all i asked his permission and received it! at this point i just started bawling..and i NEVER cry.

then.. he starts yelling about how im the laziest person b/c i like to get 8 hours of sleep! <---- dont even know what that is???! he even had the nerve to say " you never do anything...anytime"

yes i am the girl that cooks, cleans, laundry, his bills, takes his car to the shop, fills out all his tax paperwork... and i work for him and do EVERYTHING! he shows up and thats it!... i was crushed when he said this!

so i say what about all of your clothes, food, etc? and he proceeds to say "you dont do a very good job...and i could do it better anyways"

all i could get out ...was hysterical crying and i havent spoken to him about it since. im so floored that i dont know what to do.... he is never like this... i guess he holds everything in... maybe he doesnt like me at all... kind of like the book that yall had me read.... this really sucks. just thought id get my feelings out to someone! thanks for listening!

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.. In all seriousness why are you putting up with this? Read your last threads and the answers you received. Honey you need to really think this relationship through, Men do not change ...Don't expect him to change if you do marry him... You will have to change to conform to pleasing him.. Think about that...

[khardy57]

Run while you can! If he's like that now, it's only going to get worse. I can't imagine having any kind of relationship with someone who feels that way about me. Even if he was upset about something completely unrelated to your relatioship, he took it out on YOU! Do you really want that for the rest of your life?

[Mandy]

Oh girl, what are you doing? RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!! Don't allow ANY man to pull you down like that, you can get and deserve MUCH better!
Obviously he does not appreciate what you do for him, he should shame himself.
Men don't change girl, and we can't change anyone... as someone said above, you will have to change to fit he's needs if you want this to work. And honestly, you don't even want to go there!!

And honestly, i think you know the answer after you read that book

Good luck, we are here for you!

[Ponyup]

From the sound of it, he's trying to get you to break up with him. He's obviously not ready to get married. His behavior is not very mature & very poor communication not good traits in a marriage. He either knew you were going to have the talk & thought I'll make her not wanna marry me or he's trying to push you away so you will break up with him (so he's not the bad guy). Either way not good husband or boyfriend material. You are very young you will find someone better that wants to love you, marry you, appreciate the things you do for him, & do things for you. Don't settle for this guy.

[Janet]

I just don't know what else to say except I'm so sorry you're going through this.

The good thing is.....YOU DON'T HAVE TO!

All of the advice these wonderful ladies have given you, should be taken to heart. You need to find a better, loving, nurturing relationship. Don't ever settle...there's always more to be found.

holy cow! ok so as i was about to go over to his apartment and break up with phil last night...<--- i was ticked...pissed...very angry lol
he comes bursting into mine and starts crying! this is the man that doesnt even cry when a family member dies. i was scared.. i thought maybe he'd gone nuts.
well he sits down and just pours out his heart and apologizes so much i couldnt even get a word in edgewise.
he tells me that hes been so worried about his office and making money to support us that hes been making himself sick. he said that yday he got so nervous about it that he just started yelling at me for things he wasnt even mad at me for! he then proceeded to say that he appreciates me( blah blah..you know the normal.. i love you..you really are there for me) and that hes going to do things to show me that he does appreciate all the stuff i do everyday and basically he promised that we would start opening up to each other and talking about things b/c he doesnt ever want to get that upset about something again. <---hello?? why are guys so bottled up???

the really nice thing was that he opened up about everything last night.. saying that he didnt want to ask me to marry him b/c hes afraid that the office might not work out. and he wasnt talking to me about his problems b/c he didnt want me to see him in a position to where he needed help. but he did say that he values my advice and we sat down last night and made a list of all the things i think that we need to do to his office! it was great.. ive never seen him this calm and free. it was like he had a million things inside and he just couldnt say them...but finally last night he did.

thank you so much ladies for listening to me yell yday! it was horrible... but at least i was able to tell him that if it ever happens again that im leaving. now he has no excuse to hold his emotions inside hopefully our relationship will be even stronger now.

[Janet]

I am happy that things went well...just a word of caution..

After an abuser beats the crap out of his wife...he tells her he's sorry, loves her, don't know why he acted that way, won't happen again--------------and then it does.