my life just sucks

[lynne b]

I have been careing for my parents for at least the last 5 yr's, maybe longer. first it was my father till he passed 3 yr's ago and now my mom. She had a dr. app. yesterday so i called her early in the morning to make sure we were still on schedule and she said she just felt very bad shivering and a temp and she was very out of it, well her app wasnt till 2:20 pm so i called the office to see if i could get in earlier they said be there at 9:50 am , It usually takes me 45 min to get to her house i made it in about 30 min or less but i still had to get her to the next town which is another 20 or 30 min drive , i made it on time to the app. but i am either gona kill myself or someone else one of these days i was driving 70 & 80 mph. well the dr admitted mom right away she had 103 temp and when they did x rays determined that she has ( I dont even know how to spell it) it's in your lungs and effects your breathing. they also did some other test today and have found that her spleen is enlarged so they want to send her to an oncoligist to have that checked out. she has several other health issues on top of these.
I have been looking at houses to rent or buy so that she can be closer to me so i can keep MORE of an eye on her as well as my oldest daughter, i am just so exhausted from everything and feel like i am getting no where. I have 3 brothers but for reasons too numerouse to mention it has all fallen on my shoulder's.
Janet and i have swaped many stories about our mothers and i dont know what i would do without her. I broke down and cried last night for the first time in along time just dont know how much more i can handle, i also work a full time job , sorry for going on but everything is just catching up with me. Good news is mom will probably go home tomrrow but then i wont have the hospital people to take care of her I will most likely have to spend most of the weekend with her. dont get me wrong I love my mom and dont want anything to happen to her ,I am just so tired right now. Thank's for listening to me.
lynne

[Tink]

{{{Lynne}}} You need to get some help.
It's wonderful that you're caring and willing to help, but it's not fair to you to have to work yourself to the point of tears over it. Obviously I have no clue what your Moms financial situation is, but it sounds to me like she might very well qualify for at least part time in home care, and for that, the less she has the cheaper you'll get it!

Our county has volunteer drivers who will haul the elderly to their dr appointments for free if they meet certain income guidelines. Most people who live on soc sec qualify. Here, you can call the county soc services office to connect with the agency on aging to learn what help she might be eligible for.

I know it's hard to step back, but destroying your own health won't be doing anyone any favors.
Good luck and I hope you're able to find some help.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by lynne b

I have been careing for my parents for at least the last 5 yr's, maybe longer. first it was my father till he passed 3 yr's ago and now my mom. She had a dr. app. yesterday so i called her early in the morning to make sure we were still on schedule and she said she just felt very bad shivering and a temp and she was very out of it, well her app wasnt till 2:20 pm so i called the office to see if i could get in earlier they said be there at 9:50 am , It usually takes me 45 min to get to her house i made it in about 30 min or less but i still had to get her to the next town which is another 20 or 30 min drive , i made it on time to the app. but i am either gona kill myself or someone else one of these days i was driving 70 & 80 mph. well the dr admitted mom right away she had 103 temp and when they did x rays determined that she has ( I dont even know how to spell it) it's in your lungs and effects your breathing. they also did some other test today and have found that her spleen is enlarged so they want to send her to an oncoligist to have that checked out. she has several other health issues on top of these.
I have been looking at houses to rent or buy so that she can be closer to me so i can keep MORE of an eye on her as well as my oldest daughter, i am just so exhausted from everything and feel like i am getting no where. I have 3 brothers but for reasons too numerouse to mention it has all fallen on my shoulder's.
Janet and i have swaped many stories about our mothers and i dont know what i would do without her. I broke down and cried last night for the first time in along time just dont know how much more i can handle, i also work a full time job , sorry for going on but everything is just catching up with me. Good news is mom will probably go home tomrrow but then i wont have the hospital people to take care of her I will most likely have to spend most of the weekend with her. dont get me wrong I love my mom and dont want anything to happen to her ,I am just so tired right now. Thank's for listening to me.
lynne

Lynne { sending hugs}, First of all before they release her see if medicare will pay for having a health aide come to her home for four hrs. a day. When my parents were in and out of hospital, they sent an health aide for a few hrs a day for 7 days a week , I believe it was for about 6 weeks. Everytime they went back in to hospital the process would start over again. When you go pick her up stop by social services and explain to them that she lives alone and that she can use the help. The aide will help bathe her , clean house and food shop for her. Give it a try.


I am sorry that the burden is all on you, I do understand how overwelming it can be. My parents have died, but I was in your situation, the only daughter and all of it fell on me. I was what they call the sandiwich generation, raising my children and taking care of elderly parents. I lived in the same building as my parents I had to. I remember many of nights rushing them to emergency rooms , it was very stressful and sad. I do miss them, and don't regret being with them. Good luck to you.

[Marilyn]

Oh, Lynne, many hugs to you!! I've been in a place very similiar to where you are now. Both my parents are gone, but I was my mother's only child, and had to take her to the doctor and try to get my full time job done as well a be a wife and mother. Mother was 39 when I was born, and I was 31 when my oldest was born, so when mother was in her 80's and suffering from dimentia, my father had already passed away, and I had two young daughters & a husband to care for. Doctors who treat the elderly make their patients wait so long in the waiting rooms, we would sit there for 2 hours before seeing the doctor, like we had nothing else to do. I cried lots of times out of frustration. Like you, I loved my mother dearly and missed her when she was gone, but it was very difficult. When she entered the nursing home, there was still lots that I had to do to make sure she was cared for properly.

Take care of yourself, too & do try to get some help. You can't take care of her if you get sick yourself. (((((((Lynne)))))) Hope things get better for you!!!

[lynne b]

thank you for your kind words. I will talk to them today about trying to get some help with her. I do have my oldest daughter that help's as much as she can but she has a family to rais as well . I know i was rambling on when i wrote this thread but everything was just spilling out of me at that time. I did have a nice phone call from Janet , it's so nice to have someone who knows what you are going through to talk with. Thank you all again , well it's time to get on the road again to work and then who knows where today.
Lynne

[Mandy]

Lynne, im sorry you are having to deal with everything! It sure feels like we just cant handle more at times, but somehow we find the strength, and energy to go on, we are here to support you, anytime you need to talk. You got to take care of yourself too girl, remember to take some "breathing time" for yourself!!

[Gina]

Lynne , Good luck, and don't feel that way we are all human and need to vent. You are not alone many are going through this and have in the past. This forum is wonderful we all are here for emotional support

Marilyn, my mother had me at 40 , I was her youngest, and only daughter.

[Janet]

Lynne, you know I'm here for you anytime day or night. You are such a good friend and I hate that you have to carry this mostly alone. I think that daughters carry the most burden. I don't like using that word, because we love our parents, but sometimes it can be so overwhelming especially when other things are going on in our families.

I think the posts about trying to get you some help are great and hope you look into it.

Like I said last night, I'll give you a call over the weekend. If you need me between now and then....I'm here. Love ya girl!

[rivermom]

It clearly shows how much you love your Mom. You are a very special daughter to have been there for both your Dad and continuing to do so for your Mom.

It is important though to take care of yourself too. Id try to get some help even if it's just a day or so a week. It's too hard on yourself when you become too overwhelmed with it all.

I will be facing this myself. My parents recently moved to AR and just purchased a home. In time i will be providing much care for my parents. I have watched many other friends do the same for their own parents and have seen the exhaustion they have gone through. It can't be easy at times. It truly is a commitment of love.

[lynne b]

I left work at 9:30 am and it is a 5 min drive to the hospital we didnt leave till 11:00. I drove her past the apartment i am hopeing she will agree to move into (it will be closer to my work and to my daughter's house) so we can get to her on a daily basis which she really needs. she get's confused on her meds so I try to keep the pill boxes filled for her and also try to keep her syringes filled with insulin because she dosent see very well to fill them herself. The hospital said someone would call me about makeing arrangement's to have mom evaluated (sp) to have someone come in and help her but no phone call yet, which means i will probably have to take another day off work to be there when they do come (if they come).
why is it so hard to find help, you either have to be dead broke or richer than snot to get help if your in between your just sh$% out of luck until you have spent all of your money . mom is by far not a wealthy woman but she gets by and i have been trying to talk her into doing somethings with the money she does have so that the goverment doesent end up takeing it all but she is at the point where she dosent know how she will live if she dosent keep every penny she has , she went through the same thing with her parents , I've told my kids they dont have to worry about that because with our generation there wont be any money to do anything with lol.
thanks again for listening to me.

[Janet]

Lynne, I know it frustrating. It is so hard sometimes for our parents to see that all we want is what is best for them. They need our help and if they live closer it sure helps us too. I'm lucky that with my mother it doesn't interfere with my job.

It would help if we would realize that with the medical profession, our priority is not their priority. We are wanting answers now and if it's not an emergency, they don't seem to be in any hurry.

Here I was wanting a nice quiet weekend while the guys are camping with Scouts and I have to take my Mom to a Dr. tomorrow at 1:39 in the afternoon to interview her since Mom's Dr. is leaving town. Why on the darn weekend????? AND in the middle of the freak'n day???? I understand what you're going through completely.

You know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Marilyn]

Lynne, hang in there. It's hard for our parents to let go and trust us to watch out for their best interests. They don't want to lose control, they've been in charge for so long, and there is something about aging that seems to make people less trustful. I think they've been dissappointed so many times by different people and events that it becomes hard for them to trust even their own children.

We'll be thinking of you and praying for strength for you and your mother.

Janet, you hang in there too, girl. You are going through such a confusing and difficult time.

Hugs to both of you!!!