17 yr old daughter, need I say more?

[rivermom]

I have a 17 year old daughter. In a teens eyes - it can so often be "just about them". Their world is small and it's nearly impossible for them to see the larger picture. Emotions don't last, their future does.

Bounderies and guidelines as you are drawing out are healthy. She will thank you someday for you doing this.

Deep breath!!! That's what I have to remind myself to do.

you have to do what you think is best for her, most teens hate parents for making them do what they need to do. but also remember alot if it is up to them also so dont beat your self up if she doesnt do the right thing. they really dont know how hard its going to be on them if they dont do the work now, my youngest is 19 and didnt graduate (long story involving a brain inj. and giving up on relearning everything) i know he could have done the work if he really tried hard but he gave up and now had a really hard time finding a job without an education all the grounding and everything else we did didnt matter to him so now he will go to the school of hard knocks.

[DianaB]

Teen age years!!!!! We should just lock them in a closet starting about age 14 and let them out when they're 20!!!!! I've got 3 that are well past teen years and one that's in the midst (15).

One of the most important things that I can say about teens is to keep the communication open. Convey ALL of your concerns about your daughter's grades to her. Sometimes, as parents, we push and push, but ultimately the choice is theirs and I think that they rebel at all of the pushing. Let her know how important her decisions are to her future and then put it back in her lap as to what she's going to do about it. Let HER take responsibility for her own decisions. I know that it's easier said then done too! Good luck!

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by DianaB

Teen age years!!!!! We should just lock them in a closet starting about age 14 and let them out when they're 20!!!!! I've got 3 that are well past teen years and one that's in the midst (15).

One of the most important things that I can say about teens is to keep the communication open. Convey ALL of your concerns about your daughter's grades to her. Sometimes, as parents, we push and push, but ultimately the choice is theirs and I think that they rebel at all of the pushing. Let her know how important her decisions are to her future and then put it back in her lap as to what she's going to do about it. Let HER take responsibility for her own decisions. I know that it's easier said then done too! Good luck!

Can this be framed?!!?? Beautifully said Diana!

[judy]

It sounds like you're doing everything right. I was a high school teacher for years.
I retired just about a year ago, and believe it or not, I loved my kids. Teens are fun when they're not yours.

I promise you will live through this, and so will she. How's that nervous breakdown working for her? Does she hate you more than anything else in the universe, are you the absolute dumbest person she will ever meet, do you not understand the first thing about her and her priorities, and, while you're at it, are you to blame for every single thing that has gone wrong in her entire life? If so, then you are as good mother.

I found that with my own daughter and with my students, agreeing with them on these points (where appropriate - you do want to have serious discussions sometimes) worked for me. I also took the blame for the war we're having now, poverty, all illness, and any forest fires and/or droughts that occurred. Yes, it's all my fault, I'm a terrible, horrible person - now do what I told you anyway, or you're still grounded. And have that nervous breakdown quietly please. I want to watch my TV show.

By the way, my students really, really loved their mothers when we would talk
about it. Thy also took a lot more responsibility for themselves than they let their parents know. It's their job to drive their parents crazy.