I need a friend

[blowry]

Originally Posted by Tink

I have a close family member who was diagnosed as bi-polar many years ago. It was awful when she was drinking as the meds couldn't work right with alcohol in the mix.

Once she quit drinking, things improved dramatically. I wonder if that might be the issue there as well? Alcohol IS a depressant... and in someone who is already struggling, is just a really bad idea.

Good luck to you. What you need to try to do is to just live for yourself and let him work out his own problem. It may sound cold, but you can't "fix" him, so there's no sense in going down with him if he refuses to help himself.

I'm sorry... been in your shoes and they hurt!

Thanks Tink!
I have told Hubby that he shouldn't be drinking while on the meds...and so has his therapist but, he is going to do what he wants...I do believe that one day he is going to realize he shouldn't be and either cut way down(he will never stop) or I will have a very difficult decision to make. This isn't my first time dealing with an abusive (verbally/emotionally) husband. My X was also like this but, no mood disorders. He did hit me a few times an threaten me. This lasted for 19yrs before I finally said "I've had enough!" Now I'm in the same situation.....again...I seem to gravitate towards people that need help...I once had a therapist tell me that I can't save the world...well, I keep trying but, it's not working. Hubby told me that he likes himself and likes the way he is and he will never stop drinking....I believe this is all part of bi-polar.....the, "you're not going to tell me what to do" and "you're not my mother". It's that feeling of being the best, invincible..nothing's going to happen to me because I am great. I can't talk to him because he won't listen...or he doesn't hear the words I am saying...he takes everything out of context and, in his mind, I am saying something completely different than what I am actually saying. I will tell him something and he will repeat the same story but in a different way and tell me I am wrong and then agrue with me....for HOURS and sometimes DAYS! Then he realizes how he treated me and apologizes for days after...He tells me..."you know how much I love you and that I'm a dick, just dont' everything so personally" HOW CAN I NOT!!! when he is attacking me....Then there are days that he acts like a child, and then days that he is ok,....I'm just so confused...I wish I could find a support group around here to go to just to vent and hear other's stories. I'm sure that would help. I do ignore him alot and when I can see an episode coming I stay clear, when he starts drinking I won't talk to him at all...I stay in another room....He seems to like to start crap when he's had a few beers and I've learned (from being there before) you can't reason with a drunk!
As for the shoes......I don't like them! I think I'd rather be bare footed

Thanks for your response Tink, I'm glad I at least have WT to come to to vent

Hugs,
Brenda

[judy]

It sounds exhausting! After 2 divorces, I certainly understand your pain.

I was watching someone on TV this morning and she was saying that sometimes, when you pray, God will take away the problem. Sometimes though, he doesn't take it away. You have to believe that God is right there with you and will be with you until you get through it. She also talked about how important it is to believe that God gave you this problem for a reason. You may never know the reason, but believe that you will become better for it.

I don't mean to sound preachy, but this always helps me enormously when I'm going through something.

I think it's wonderful that you work in a counseling center! Talk about having a support system!

[Janet]

I'm glad you posted that Judy...it's something I really need to try and remember.

[blowry]

Originally Posted by judy

It sounds exhausting! After 2 divorces, I certainly understand your pain.

I was watching someone on TV this morning and she was saying that sometimes, when you pray, God will take away the problem. Sometimes though, he doesn't take it away. You have to believe that God is right there with you and will be with you until you get through it. She also talked about how important it is to believe that God gave you this problem for a reason. You may never know the reason, but believe that you will become better for it.

I don't mean to sound preachy, but this always helps me enormously when I'm going through something.

I think it's wonderful that you work in a counseling center! Talk about having a support system!

You are right Judy! I truly believe that every happens for a reason. I do pray everyday that we will get through this and, we will...it's just going to take time. God has a plan for me (as well as everyone else) and that is why he had me find my hubby...Hubby needs my help. I honestly don't think that anyone would have stayed with him as long as I have. I am a very patient person and love my husband very dearly...I just want my "old" husband back.

Thanks again Judy

[DianaB]

Brenda, I think that you just need a BIG hug. Come here, girlfriend....... You know that we're all here for ya'!

[blowry]

Originally Posted by DianaB

Brenda, I think that you just need a BIG hug. Come here, girlfriend....... You know that we're all here for ya'!

Thank you Diana...you are so sweet....Hubby seems to be on the "up" side right now...this is a good thing,....praying that he can stay there for a while. But, I know he won't...This is the bad thing about bi-polar...they live life on a rollercoaster of emotions....I just enjoy it while I have it.