Stressed

[katcarasella]

Oh Cecil,
I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you. Is there anyway your brother can move in with your Dad, or maybe there's someone in your area that is looking for a 'house to share' arrangement. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Kat

Do you have a local "Area on Aging"? We have that where I live, and they've been a help dealing with my mom. She is a widow, lives alone, and is starting to have health problems. If your dad is considered low income, they might be able to have someone come out to the house a few times a week and help with light housekeeping, etc.

Another thing to check into is if there is low income housing available for senior citizens. Where I live, there are several apartments that are exclusively for seniors and the rent is based on income. Either way, your dad could keep some of his independence, and you could keep your sanity!

As far as the house-is it in your dad's name alone? If so, it is up to him, not your brother, what happens to it. You might want to consider having a power of attorney drawn up in case something would happen to your dad. (actually, a will, a living will, AND a power of attorney) Your dad may actually HAVE to sell the house if he needs money.

And last-if your brother wants the house that bad-let him buy it. Notice I said BUY it! NOT a gift! Or at least, buy out your share, if your dad wants the money to go to you kids. I don't know anything about your dad's situation, but he may need the money from the sale of his house for medical care, etc, down the road.

[Tink]

I'd say check with an attorney or your county agency on aging before you do anything else. IF dad continues to need help and is developing dementia or some type of cognitive issues, it's very possible he will in time need to have full time care. Don't just jump in and volunteer no matter how much you love him. Some who have been mild mannered and sweet their whole lives can become aggressive and combative when confused and scared and you do NOT want him destroying your home and marriage.

Find out if there are any government agencies that might help with home health care... or any assisted living places that he might qualify for. It could be soc sec would cover the cost if it's done right. Once you take him in it might be a whole different ballgame.

As for the property, if he's going to need to sell the place to pay for his care, soc serv will likely step in and your brother will have to buy it like anyone else would. If there's a good chance the cost of your fathers care will eat up any profit from the sale of the property, they're not going to allow any of his kids to be gifted any portion of it... as that inheritance will be gone. Sad fact... but reality often is.

Just make sure you check things out before you jump in and do anything rash. You have to protect yourself as well as your father.

[DianaB]

I agree with what's been said. Your Dad needs to have papers drawn up for power-of-attorney and you need to talk to a lawyer. Your brother might not have much say in the matter. Whoever has the POA needs to be a responsible person and willing to make sure that all arrangements are for your Dad's well being.

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by Tink

I'd say check with an attorney or your county agency on aging before you do anything else. IF dad continues to need help and is developing dementia or some type of cognitive issues, it's very possible he will in time need to have full time care. Don't just jump in and volunteer no matter how much you love him. Some who have been mild mannered and sweet their whole lives can become aggressive and combative when confused and scared and you do NOT want him destroying your home and marriage.

Find out if there are any government agencies that might help with home health care... or any assisted living places that he might qualify for. It could be soc sec would cover the cost if it's done right. Once you take him in it might be a whole different ballgame.

As for the property, if he's going to need to sell the place to pay for his care, soc serv will likely step in and your brother will have to buy it like anyone else would. If there's a good chance the cost of your fathers care will eat up any profit from the sale of the property, they're not going to allow any of his kids to be gifted any portion of it... as that inheritance will be gone. Sad fact... but reality often is.

Just make sure you check things out before you jump in and do anything rash. You have to protect yourself as well as your father.

I completely agree with this. i have worked to an unit for dmentia at a nursing home and I was in home health and saw many families destroyed by taking care of a loved one in this situation. We have several services that do in home care in my area and it is a small town. Try finding one they can be great.

[Janet]

Hey Linda, sorry you're going through all this. Catlover and Tink have given you excellent advice. I think you need to act on it as soon as possible expecially getting the power of attorney.

[2tiredmom]

Thanks ladies, We had a dual POA done before my mom passed away.
So my brother and I can sign for anything. My name is the only one on their
bank accounts so i'm pretty safe there. My dad had a will drawn up before Christmas. It states that my brother has first rights to buy when my dad passes away. So you all have given me very good advice most of which i forgot to mention when i started this thread. My dad has gotten violent in the past so
I will have to check into things better. He owns property so Medicaid will not
do anything since he does.
Thanks again everyone.

[katcarasella]

Hi, I don't think we have formally met, I'm Kat (aka Kathy) Is your name Linda?Yesterday I called you cecil and I apologize for that, I'm usually good with names.
Are you feeling better today? Stress can be a bear.
Have a Happy Easter if I don't see you here before then.

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by 2tiredmom

....... He owns property so Medicaid will not
do anything since he does.
Thanks again everyone.

You might need to check the laws but I think that Medicaid can come back up to 4 years and take property that's already been sold. I may be wrong on that because I haven't dealt with it myself but I know that there is some instance where that can be done, it might be if they're in the nursing home going on the state. Maybe some else knows about this.