OMG ! Stealing!

[Emmsmom]

OK, I need some honest opinions here. My daughter had a friend spend the night over the weekend. Everything went fine and they got along great. Well the night she went home she called and said that her mom went and bought her a sweatshirt from a popular store here. My daughter says oh cool. She goes to school yesterday and says oh I have the same sweatshirt at home. She honestly thought NOTHING of it. Then later she said that she also had a shirt on the same day that looked likes hers as well. So she gets home and we go through her closet and guess what. Yep.. The sweatshirt and shirt she had on were my daughter's. I was so mad that I could feel my bloodpressure rising. For one I am NOT loaded but that sweatshirt was a treat for Emmie and it was on sale. The usually sale for 60 bucks. I called the her house this morning and left a message to tell her to bring them to school so my daughter can bring them home. Now I am thinking it would be better for me to go over to the house this afternoon before they get home and get her mother to get them. I told my daughter not to say anything to her at school because it will make things harder for her at school today(my daughter that is). I told her that I will take care of it. Her friend has it rough at home but I don't feel that it is my problem. I also don't feel that I should just let it go either. If this girl is stealing now I hate to think of how she will be the older she gets. So any idea on how I should handle it??

[Tiramisu]

That's a tough one. I think I would work a meeting with all four of you, so everything's out in the open and maybe the girl learns that she can't steal, lie, and cover things up. My main concern is that the girl might try to give your daughter a hard time at school?!

[Emmsmom]

Yeah thats what bothers me that she might say something to Emmie. I actually think that she would just ignore Emmie more than anything. As for all of us sitting down... Well that won't happen. Her mother doesn't really give a rip about what she does. I have only talked to her mom long enough to say hi and bye. She didn't even call to make sure that it was ok that she spent the night. She never even called to check on her or to even let her know what time to be home. They even have a lady from the court system coming over every now and then to talk to them. At this point I just want her clothes back. I feel sorry for her I really do. I don't mind helping her but not at the expense of my own daughter.

[Janet]

I would get the items back in a heart beat!!! By letting it go..you're condoning her actions. Next time she stays....(yes you can forgive her,) check her stuff before she leaves. I hope it all works out and you get the items back. Clothing is too expensive to just let someone take it.

[Dobie]

I definately think her mother should be involved. Bringing the items to school might cause problems for your daughter - who knows what would be said to the other kids.

[DianaB]

I think that I would go by the house when the girl's home from school and ask her to get the shirts that she has of your daughter's. Usually children are intimidated by adults so you might be able to get them back that a way. You can pretend that she borrowed them to the Mom and that you just wanted them returned to your daughter because they were special gifts. Then wait there until you have them in hand. Having your husband in the car with you might be good too. Or have him go up to the house and ask for the shirts. Men intimidate women. Good luck!

[katcarasella]

I agree with Diane, but I wouldn't be inviting her back for a sleep over again. Who knows what kind of influence she could have on your daughter. This young lady would have to earn you and your daughters trust again before I'd let her be a friend.

[Emmsmom]

I think that is what I am going to do. My husband thinks that my daughter needs to ask for them back. He said she needs to grow a spine. LOL She is very shy but slowly coming out of it. So I plan on letting her know at the bus stop this afternoon that it wasn't ok to BORROW the clothes without asking first and that we are going to follow her home so that my daughter can pick them up. I will let you know how it goes. LOL

[Emmsmom]

OK... I ended up waiting till she got off the bus and then talked to her. She even brought Emmie's sweater to school. So she knew she shouldn't have taken it. I called her over to the car I said... " Honey, I don't mind you borrowing clothes but you need to ask first. So Emmie is going to come get the other 2 shirts later." She said ok and then they asked if Emmie could come over so that they could do homework. Geez.. I was worried that they wouldn't be speaking and all hell would have broke loose. I am glad that went over well. She doesn't have the best homelife and I was very reluctant to let my daughter go over there. They live across the street and I told Emmie that if her OLDER brother started arguing and fighting with her mom then she was to come home. This turned out better than I had expected. I let her know that it was not ok and I guess by letting Emmie go over there it let her know that everything was ok. If that makes any sense. LOL

[katcarasella]

Good for you Michelle, maybe with Emmie as a friend she'll learn from her.

[DianaB]

Michelle, I'm so glad that it was worked out so easily and that the girls can still be friends. It sounds like she could use some good influence in her life. As for the taking things, just have a little talk with her when she comes over again and mention that you won't tolerate her taking things. Thanks for letting us know how things went.

[Gina]

Michelle glad everything was resolved. This happened to my daughter two years ago when she was a freshman in college. Her roomate kept stealing from her and denying it. Till one day my daughter saw her photo in myspace with one of her outfits on. Can you imagine the nerve....This situation was a little different, my daughter handled it but she never got them back and she switched roomates and never saw her again. Sad because I paid good money for what the girl took.


As far as your daughter's friend I don't know the age group, but your husband is correct she would have to be the one to handle it. If no results then you as her mother should call her mother...I would not trust this kid like Kat mentioned until she earns the trust . Tell your daughter to be careful..

Glad it ended well.

[Janet]

I'm really glad things worked out so well. Ya did good Michelle!

[Taurus Babe]

Sticky situation...sounds like you resolved it beautifully. What an excellent mom you are!!! Glad this is solved and you've got Emmie's clothes back.