Jessie is mad at me, and there's nothing I can do!

[judy]

I'm so mad and hurt, I'm ready to spit fire! Jessie called this morning, which I was very relieved about. However, the discussion that we had did not turn out very well.

To make a long story very short - she feels that if I don't move near her and help her and the children, because she has MS, then I don't love her enough. She's offering me so much - to be a part of her life and her family's life - to be a hands-on Grandma instead of somebody who just visits. So what if I don't have a pool. Look what I'll be getting. I can come and pick Mackenzie up and take her to the library if Jessie needs to go lie down.

I told her that this has been a lifelong problem between us, and that she has always felt that way. I told her that she got the wrong mother and that I'm so tired of hearing about how I don't give her what she needs. I said that this is who I am, and always was, and that maybe it's time that she just stopped looking at her own expectations and see me for who I really am, and to love me for that.

I also told her that she cannot say that I don't love her enough - how does she know what I feel? Don't base my feelings on her expectations or what she would do.


I also asked her what would happen to our relationship if I decide not to move near her"? She won't end the relationship, but she'll be very hurt. It will mean that I don't love her enough because I'm not willing to sacrifice. All she wants me to do is to take my time and think about what she's asking me to do. She feels that our relationship has not worked in the past because of this issue and that I should change. I asked her why doesn't she change? She wants to, but can't.

Okay - I believe that this is how she feels. I also don't want that kind of relationship with her. I'll become her maid. How dare she tell me "so what if you don't have a pool?" She bought the house of her dreams.

I'm way too young at heart to live the kind of life she has in mind for me. I have and want my own life, my own time, my own choices, freedom and privacy. I do not want to become part of any body's life and family when they can say to me that if i don't, I don't love her enough, and so what if I don't have a pool.

I feel like telling her to forget the whole thing and that I'm staying right here where I live now.

Oh and she told me that id I move 1 1/2 hours away from her, I might as well move to North Carolina.

Sorry about the crazy typing, but my mouse broke.

[Janet]

Judy...I'm sorry she's behaving this way. I was going to say it's probably the MS, but you've said it's always been this way. I think you've made your plans and should stick to them. You are way to young to be a maid, nurse, babysitter..etc. You have a life too. It doesn't mean you don't love her....it could be turned around the other way....if she loved you, she'd want you happy. You've had your plans pretty much figured out...do what's best for you, even if it's staying where you are for awhile.

[Chandra Amaya]

if she loved you, she'd want you happy. (quote by Janet) ((the quote thingy didn't work for me))

Exactly!

[katcarasella]

I hope this helps you today Judy.

[Gina]

Your a wonderful mother , always remember that.