Funny Quote for the Day.

[Chandra Amaya]

If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere.

I'm very definitely a woman and I enjoy it.

I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it.

I'm trying to find myself as a person, sometimes that's not easy to do. Millions of people live their entire lives without finding themselves. But it is something I must do. The best way for me to find myself as a person is to prove to myself that I am an actress.

I am trying to prove to myself that I am a person. Then may be I'll convince myself that I'm an actress.

People respect you because they feel you've survived hard times and endured, and although you've become famous, you haven't become phony

Creativity has got to start with humanity and when you're a human being, you feel, you suffer.

A career is wonderful thing, but you can't snuggle up to it on a cold night.
A career is born in public -- talent in privacy.

Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.


All by Marilyn Monroe

[katcarasella]

~Wednesday~May 14th~Quotes

Nancy Reagan, political activist
A woman is like a tea bag. She only knows her strength when put in hot water.

Aristotle, philosopher
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

James Thurber, American humorist
I hate women because they always know where things are.

Malcolm de Chazal, Mauritian writer
A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.

Jules Michelet, French historian
Woman is a miracle of divine contradictions.

Freya Stark, author
The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised.

Gloria Steinem, American feminist
Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.

[katcarasella]

~Thursday~May 15th~Quotes~

Blessed are the cheesemakers for they shall get their whey.

Daytime TV is incentive to get a job.

Monday's special: two Valiums with a coffee chaser.

We cannot learn and appear perfect at the same time.

No one ever stood out for being the same.

The more you know, the less you learn.

It's always something and it's generally expensive.

Some people don't like food going to waist.

Never argue with your doctor. He has inside information.

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can't get his pants off.

When it comes to telling her age, she's shy.....about ten years shy.

What if your mother really IS right..... about everything?

Reality is just where our worlds overlap.

Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating.

Have you ever seen a plumber bite his nails?

Taxes, taxes, taxes. . . I thought this was the land of the free!

[katcarasella]

~Friday~May 16th~Quotes~

Examples of Murphy's Law

• Your lost needle will be found by your husband when he is walking around barefoot.
• The worst pupil in any class will be a school governor's son.
• Uniforms only come in two sizes, too large and too small.
• Vital documents that were posted with no errors, will develop errors in the mail.
• The other queue always moves faster.
• In order to get a bank loan, you must first prove that you don't need the money.
• The classic example of Murphy's law: If you drop a piece of toast it always falls buttered side down.

[katcarasella]

~Saturday~May 17th~Quotes

Husbands' Quotes

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrup ther.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "I wish I had your will power."

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.

[Janet]

I have really enjoyed reading all these jokes and one liners. Some are so funny, others are surprisingly true....LOL

[DianaB]

I've enjoyed them too. Thanks, Kat!!!