Funny Quote for the Day.

[katcarasella]

~Thursday~May 15th~Quotes~

Blessed are the cheesemakers for they shall get their whey.

Daytime TV is incentive to get a job.

Monday's special: two Valiums with a coffee chaser.

We cannot learn and appear perfect at the same time.

No one ever stood out for being the same.

The more you know, the less you learn.

It's always something and it's generally expensive.

Some people don't like food going to waist.

Never argue with your doctor. He has inside information.

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can't get his pants off.

When it comes to telling her age, she's shy.....about ten years shy.

What if your mother really IS right..... about everything?

Reality is just where our worlds overlap.

Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating.

Have you ever seen a plumber bite his nails?

Taxes, taxes, taxes. . . I thought this was the land of the free!

[katcarasella]

~Friday~May 16th~Quotes~

Examples of Murphy's Law

• Your lost needle will be found by your husband when he is walking around barefoot.
• The worst pupil in any class will be a school governor's son.
• Uniforms only come in two sizes, too large and too small.
• Vital documents that were posted with no errors, will develop errors in the mail.
• The other queue always moves faster.
• In order to get a bank loan, you must first prove that you don't need the money.
• The classic example of Murphy's law: If you drop a piece of toast it always falls buttered side down.

[katcarasella]

~Saturday~May 17th~Quotes

Husbands' Quotes

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrup ther.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "I wish I had your will power."

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.

[Janet]

I have really enjoyed reading all these jokes and one liners. Some are so funny, others are surprisingly true....LOL

[DianaB]

I've enjoyed them too. Thanks, Kat!!!

[katcarasella]

Sunday~May 18th~Quotes

Cute Quotes

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.
- Arnold Glasow

If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.
- Erma Bombeck

The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses in your cheeks and in your soul.
- Linda Knight

Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn’t evolve for another million years. They’re afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?
- Jay Leno

Once you get people laughing, they’re listening and you can tell them almost anything.
- Herbert Gardner

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself.
- Ethel Barrymore

[Forgivenmom5]

Good one Kat. I think we all need to laugh more. Of course 4WT helps with that doesn't it?