sexless relationships

[teri88]

Haley, hon, please don't take this wrong....ummmm, how to say this without hurting your feelings? I just saw where you mentioned in another post that Micah sleeps with you. Now, I was famous for letting my kids come to bed with me when they were sick or scared or whatever. But, how can you expect a normal healthy relationship with your hubby if you have Micah in your bed? Children are a wonderful, fabulous blessing. But you can not allow your son to be first in your life, that position rightfully belongs to your husband. No wonder you are so exaughsted all of the time, neither you or Micah will get a good night's sleep while he's in your bed. I babysat for a woman who was always so tired and I felt so sorry for her. She kept telling me how Samantha was up 2 or 3 times a night at a year old. Then, one day she mentioned that Sam slept in the bed with them. I told her that Sam wasn't keeping her up, she was keeping Sam up. She finally bit the bullet and put her in her own room. It was really hard at first, both Sam and she cried themselves to sleep for a week. But finally Sam got used to being in her own room and the change in their lives was amazing.

I am not criticzing you, I'm really not. Sometimes it's hard to be objective when you are in the middle of a situation. I think your husband sounds very immature, but I can also see his problem. He is thinking acting like a baby will get your attention (he may not even realize he's thinking this) because it works for Micah. Stupid? Yup, but I'll bet that is a lot of what's going on with him.

I'd really encourage the two of you to get counseling. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for Micah because if you guys are happy, he will be too.

ok, enouch out of me! Sorry I'm on my soapbox.

[Tiramisu]

Originally Posted by teri88

Haley, hon, please don't take this wrong....ummmm, how to say this without hurting your feelings? I just saw where you mentioned in another post that Micah sleeps with you. Now, I was famous for letting my kids come to bed with me when they were sick or scared or whatever. But, how can you expect a normal healthy relationship with your hubby if you have Micah in your bed? Children are a wonderful, fabulous blessing. But you can not allow your son to be first in your life, that position rightfully belongs to your husband. No wonder you are so exaughsted all of the time, neither you or Micah will get a good night's sleep while he's in your bed. I babysat for a woman who was always so tired and I felt so sorry for her. She kept telling me how Samantha was up 2 or 3 times a night at a year old. Then, one day she mentioned that Sam slept in the bed with them. I told her that Sam wasn't keeping her up, she was keeping Sam up. She finally bit the bullet and put her in her own room. It was really hard at first, both Sam and she cried themselves to sleep for a week. But finally Sam got used to being in her own room and the change in their lives was amazing.

I am not criticzing you, I'm really not. Sometimes it's hard to be objective when you are in the middle of a situation. I think your husband sounds very immature, but I can also see his problem. He is thinking acting like a baby will get your attention (he may not even realize he's thinking this) because it works for Micah. Stupid? Yup, but I'll bet that is a lot of what's going on with him.

I'd really encourage the two of you to get counseling. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for Micah because if you guys are happy, he will be too.

ok, enouch out of me! Sorry I'm on my soapbox.

Teri, it's a really good soap box to be on. You're always so helpful and compassionate.

[Gina]

Haley you have been given excellent advice as usual. I will just add my two cents . Marriage goes in different cycles the longer you are married. Your mode right now is being a new parent plus you work. It does take a strain on a couple juggling both and the desire becomes less due to being tired. Like many of the women suggested you need a break from parenthood one night at least once a mt. Try to rekindle what brought you together. Go on a date, get your parents to babysit or hire a responsible teenager that you know..

I know that you have issues with your husband, and I am no marriage expert my marriage is not the greatest either we have other issues that I have not gotten into on here. I persevere for my kids yes they are at the age where they do understand but for not being selfish I stay for now. Like some suggested go try marriage counciling for the lack of sex is not your only problem as you stated in the past. Try to nip it in the bud while you can and are still young. Children do best when brought up in a happy enviroment and you need to establish that for Micah. You are a great and loving mother and he does take up most of your time. He is dependent on you for now, but trust me they get older and once they do its just you and your husband. They go on with their life regardless if your happy or not and rightfully so.

Sex is an important part of a marriage it does bring you closer, but to reliterate it goes through its spurts. What is important and what will keep a marriage together is love. Without that it will not survive...

So get out there and go on a date, try to rekindkle what you first saw in your husband. Make sometime for each other..

[HALEY]

Originally Posted by Gina

Haley you have been given excellent advice as usual. I will just add my two cents . Marriage goes in different cycles the longer you are married. Your mode right now is being a new parent plus you work. It does take a strain on a couple juggling both and the desire becomes less due to being tired. Like many of the women suggested you need a break from parenthood one night at least once a mt. Try to rekindle what brought you together. Go on a date, get your parents to babysit or hire a responsible teenager that you know..

I know that you have issues with your husband, and I am no marriage expert my marriage is not the greatest either we have other issues that I have not gotten into on here. I persevere for my kids yes they are at the age where they do understand but for not being selfish I stay for now. Like some suggested go try marriage counciling for the lack of sex is not your only problem as you stated in the past. Try to nip it in the bud while you can and are still young. Children do best when brought up in a happy enviroment and you need to establish that for Micah. You are a great and loving mother and he does take up most of your time. He is dependent on you for now, but trust me they get older and once they do its just you and your husband. They go on with their life regardless if your happy or not and rightfully so.

Sex is an important part of a marriage it does bring you closer, but to reliterate it goes through its spurts. What is important and what will keep a marriage together is love. Without that it will not survive...

So get out there and go on a date, try to rekindkle what you first saw in your husband. Make sometime for each other..

We'll the last time i got a babysitter for us to go out and have a good time together he invited his friends, so i don't bother anymore with that it was a waste of money! they even called us when were eatting dinner, so i sat and ate my dinner while he talked on the phone, very romantic hun !

[Tiramisu]

Haley, here are some things I'd say to you - if you were my daughter. Do your friends ever come around? Does any of Mike's friends have S.O.s? Girl, you need to jump right in the middle of his friends and family. Get over the hurt you've been through in the past and start living towards a future together or apart. You knew he had the debts, family, and friends when you dated and married him. Marriage is only 50/50 because it takes two. Some days you do 90% and some days you do 10% - that's life. Suck it up or spit it out!

PS: I have a daughter who seems to have a rotten marriage. Problem is: I see her doing as much or more to spoil the marriage as the hubby does. She nags at him for not making enough money, spending too much money, to find another job, to take the trash out, to help her with the kids, etc. She feels that caring for the kids (neither of which he wanted) is all she really has to do. When she nags, he takes off to go do what he wants to - party and play poker. She admits that she "thought she could change him". All this while she had to drive a Lexus SUV, can't shop at Wal-Mart, and lost $40K on the big house that they couldn't afford.

I'm not sure what my point is except that it sounds like Mike's the man you loved enough to marry. You need to decide what YOU can do to make your marriage work.

Hugs,

[HALEY]

Originally Posted by teri88

Haley, hon, please don't take this wrong....ummmm, how to say this without hurting your feelings? I just saw where you mentioned in another post that Micah sleeps with you. Now, I was famous for letting my kids come to bed with me when they were sick or scared or whatever. But, how can you expect a normal healthy relationship with your hubby if you have Micah in your bed? Children are a wonderful, fabulous blessing. But you can not allow your son to be first in your life, that position rightfully belongs to your husband. No wonder you are so exaughsted all of the time, neither you or Micah will get a good night's sleep while he's in your bed. I babysat for a woman who was always so tired and I felt so sorry for her. She kept telling me how Samantha was up 2 or 3 times a night at a year old. Then, one day she mentioned that Sam slept in the bed with them. I told her that Sam wasn't keeping her up, she was keeping Sam up. She finally bit the bullet and put her in her own room. It was really hard at first, both Sam and she cried themselves to sleep for a week. But finally Sam got used to being in her own room and the change in their lives was amazing.

I am not criticzing you, I'm really not. Sometimes it's hard to be objective when you are in the middle of a situation. I think your husband sounds very immature, but I can also see his problem. He is thinking acting like a baby will get your attention (he may not even realize he's thinking this) because it works for Micah. Stupid? Yup, but I'll bet that is a lot of what's going on with him.

I'd really encourage the two of you to get counseling. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for Micah because if you guys are happy, he will be too.

ok, enouch out of me! Sorry I'm on my soapbox.

Terri i see what you are saying, but everynight i do put Micah in his own bed, sometimes he does wake up in the middle of the night, just like last night, the thunder spooked him so he was up at 2 am and i just let him sleep with me, 1/2 the time Mike sleeps on the couch or the chair in the livingroom anyways, so Micah is in no means a bother... i sleep alone anyways.
And lately i really do feel like his mother/maid instead of his wife...

[teri88]

Originally Posted by HALEY

Terri i see what you are saying, but everynight i do put Micah in his own bed, sometimes he does wake up in the middle of the night, just like last night, the thunder spooked him so he was up at 2 am and i just let him sleep with me, 1/2 the time Mike sleeps on the couch or the chair in the livingroom anyways, so Micah is in no means a bother... i sleep alone anyways.
And lately i really do feel like his mother/maid instead of his wife...

oh, I misunderstood, sorry. I thought you meant that he was in your bed all of the time. The girl I babysat for had the baby in their bed every single night. She didn't even own a crib! ok, back to my previous suggestion: Kick him in the butt!

[HALEY]

Originally Posted by teri88

oh, I misunderstood, sorry. I thought you meant taht he was in your bed all of the time. The girl I babysat for had the baby in their bed every single night. She didn't even own a crib! ok, back to my previous suggestion: Kick him in the butt!

He has a crib and his own room right next to mine, oh but i do love to sleep with him, he can crash in my bed anytime, i use to sneak and get him when he was first born on Saturdays when Mike went to work and on the weekends for cat naps, or when he gets scared or not feeling good he's in bed with me, but everynight he goes to sleep in his bed, and sometimes he wakes up in my bed
But i don't mind, i only have one child and i'll miss these days one day!
Just like at night i can rock him for hours...

[pope1982]

Originally Posted by teri88

Haley, hon, please don't take this wrong....ummmm, how to say this without hurting your feelings? I just saw where you mentioned in another post that Micah sleeps with you. Now, I was famous for letting my kids come to bed with me when they were sick or scared or whatever. But, how can you expect a normal healthy relationship with your hubby if you have Micah in your bed? Children are a wonderful, fabulous blessing. But you can not allow your son to be first in your life, that position rightfully belongs to your husband. No wonder you are so exaughsted all of the time, neither you or Micah will get a good night's sleep while he's in your bed. I babysat for a woman who was always so tired and I felt so sorry for her. She kept telling me how Samantha was up 2 or 3 times a night at a year old. Then, one day she mentioned that Sam slept in the bed with them. I told her that Sam wasn't keeping her up, she was keeping Sam up. She finally bit the bullet and put her in her own room. It was really hard at first, both Sam and she cried themselves to sleep for a week. But finally Sam got used to being in her own room and the change in their lives was amazing.

I am not criticzing you, I'm really not. Sometimes it's hard to be objective when you are in the middle of a situation. I think your husband sounds very immature, but I can also see his problem. He is thinking acting like a baby will get your attention (he may not even realize he's thinking this) because it works for Micah. Stupid? Yup, but I'll bet that is a lot of what's going on with him.

I'd really encourage the two of you to get counseling. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for Micah because if you guys are happy, he will be too.

ok, enouch out of me! Sorry I'm on my soapbox.

I was just giving my younger sister similar advice on the same subject the other night, sounds as if you and your husband are just as stubborn as she and her fiance. She is very aggressive and in your face, to the point of being a nag and he runs away. But more importantly, they both HAVE to be right and point fingers in the other direction.

You all need to take a step back and own your roles in this war. Learn the delicate balance. Why would you want to live daily hurting the person you love most?

It's not worth it. Gotta pick your battles and learn to let some things slide.

I am sure he was always the same man from the day you fell in love with him, your annoyance with him is only emphasizing the less desirable traits. Knock it off lol You know who you married.