Met the parents!

[Blueyes]

Wow! I would never, ever invite my sons gf anywhere and then expect HER to pay for it! And if I had treated a gf that way, my sons would have had a FIT!!! If you are seeing red flags here, pay attention to them sweetie. That being said, I have learned that everybody has differences. I have always paid for things for my kids if I possibly could.. because I want to, not because they expect it. A bad "mother-in law" can cause lots of problems in a relationship. I am blessed with fabulous dil's, and we all appreciate our relationship. I taught my sons that when they got married, their wives came first...I had to because my sons and I are very close

I'm glad you got to meet them. Maybe things will get more comfortable with time

[Lindsey]

Thanks Betsi. I was kind of seeing red flags before I even met her... just from hearing her on the other end of the phone when he was with me and stories Scott told me about how strict she was when he was growing up. He wasn't allowed to play hockey in case he got hurt. He could not show interest in girls because he got in big trouble... he still has problems showing affection, even if it's just him and I sitting there. He can't just be the first one to reach out and hold my hand. He said it's silly but a part of him inside just gives him a feeling that it's a bad thing to do.
I hope things get better, and I hope everything can work out... I do really like him. He is extremely good to me. He will do anything to make me smile, and that is so important to me. I just hope that eventually the tie to his mom will loosen a bit.

[Mandy]

WOW!!!!!!!!!! I am gob smacked! Sorry.

I would never ever expect my son's gf to pay for her share, like Diana said, that was very tacky of her, i totally agree with her, that is just not done.
If you invite anybody, it's on you, if you are not willing to pay, dont invite.
You know Lindsey, this says everything about her.
I do understand the "lets go dutch" where people go out to dinner in a group or whatever, and share the bill, thats different, but the way she handled things is a poor show on her part.

Now, i am not belitteling Scott, but he could have said, here is Lindsey's part of the dinner, and i will pay the 32 bux for the church play, without you even knowing about it.

Keep your ears and eyes wide open girl.

[pope1982]

Sounds like you have a good idea of exactly what's going on here.

[pope1982]

Originally Posted by Blueyes

A bad "mother-in law" can cause lots of problems in a relationship.

Amen.

Originally Posted by Lindsey

I just hope that eventually the tie to his mom will loosen a bit.

Don't hold your breath on that sweetie, good luck.

[judy]

"I thanked his aunt for the great supper. I didn't realize she expected us to pay for our portion of the supper "

I have never heard of anything like this! His mother sounds like a world of trouble, but at least you know that tacky cheapness runs in the family.

I'm surprised she didn't ask you all to split the cost of dishwashing detergent and water because she would have to wash the dishes you used.

I was married to a "mama's boy," and those ties never loosen. A real man loves and respects his mother, but his woman comes first.

I smell trouble honey bunch.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Blueyes

Wow! I would never, ever invite my sons gf anywhere and then expect HER to pay for it! And if I had treated a gf that way, my sons would have had a FIT!!! If you are seeing red flags here, pay attention to them sweetie. That being said, I have learned that everybody has differences. I have always paid for things for my kids if I possibly could.. because I want to, not because they expect it. A bad "mother-in law" can cause lots of problems in a relationship. I am blessed with fabulous dil's, and we all appreciate our relationship. I taught my sons that when they got married, their wives came first...I had to because my sons and I are very close

I'm glad you got to meet them. Maybe things will get more comfortable with time

Wow!! I agree with blueyes.. First of all I would never do that to my sons g/f and secondly my son would never allow that. They may be religious people but they are very rude people. I am sorry to say that. His mom should have told him before hand about the cost of tickets if she didnt want to pay for you, then she should have asked Scott to pay for it. If the aunt could not afford to feed everyone then she should not have invited you for dinner and take out chinese food to boot. If someone really can't afford it, have them over for coffee if you just want to get together.

Lindsey he sounds like a mamas boy and he tries to please her. She probably puts guilt on him everytime. I am a mother of a son and I never interfere, matter of fact when my son is wrong I tell him and side up with his girlfriend. I see lots of red flags here , thread with caution this woman and this family are not going to be easy to get along with. You have been warned! lol

Believe me when you marry a person you do marry the family.

[Lindsey]

I went to Scott's house last night and had a really relaxing and fun night, and his mom didn't call once. We had a discussion this morning and I asked him if the money thing is always like that in his family. I apologized for not offering to pay, but said my family is much different and I just needed to know what it was like. He said usually they decide before the food gets there how everyone is paying. Each family pays for how many people they have there eating. Even if they decide to go out and buy groceries to make something, everyone splits the grocery bill He said he knows it's weird, but when I'm visiting his parents it won't be like that. Just when more than one family get together he said the "joke" about it. In my head I was like "it's not joking when everyone ends up having to pay!"
Anyways, I also brought up the thing about his mom telling me I have to pay for my own ticket. I asked if she usually does things like that and he said "I don't know why she brought it up right there" and I told him it just made me feel really defensive, as if I was just expecting her to pay everything for me, which I WASN'T, but it came across as rude. And then I was like "I just don't know if I want to spend $32 to go to a church play, just so your mom will be happy" and he was like "Yeah I don't know why it's so expensive" but then told me that you get food there and whatever... I was like "You can go to red lobster and eat for less than $32" .. Later he said he was thinking about the Red Lobster comment and maybe we could just go out with my friends who live there that night, or stay in and watch movies or play Wii or something. He said he has better things to spend $32 on and I was like "You mean I have better things to spend it on... yours was free" and he laughed because I don't think he realized my tone. Oh well. I'm just going to leave it.
I asked him if he thinks I will ever fit in with his family and he said "I am sure when you visit in a couple of weeks you will realize how easy it is" .... I really hope so

[DianaB]

I'm glad that you and Scott were able to talk about what happened. It sounds like Scott may have to have a long talk with mama if she keeps acting like this. Hopefully, things will be better next time. Good luck!!

[Lindsey]

He just told me that his mom had big issues with his ex not paying for things because she was always in school and had no money. So when they split a bill, Scott would pay for both of them, and his mom always hassled him about "why can't she pay for her own" ... I flat out told him that it may be an issue with me if she's going to continue to speak to me, or of me, like that.

[judy]

Scott is around 21 isn't he? He is too old to not feel that his money and his relationships are none of his mother's business. He's the one with the issues, not really his mother as far as you should be concerned. He should have told her (nicely, of course) that he is an independent young man and that she has no right to be involved in his relationships at all, much less who pays for what.

Be careful Lindsey. We do not want to see you get hurt.

[Lindsey]

He is almost 24. I totally agree with you Judy. His mom is babying him, but he has to cut the ties too. I asked him this morning if he can have his phone turned off the whole time we're with my parents (we're going home next weekend) and he can check it at night or in the morning. He said his mom might call. I said "Oh no a whole weekend without talking to your mom???" and he said he can go without talking to her... I said "Right, she even calls you at work" and he said it's only when it has to do with his bills... They still all go to his mom's house. We had a little mini argument over the whole thing... I told him I haven't had my bills at my parents' house since I was 17 and lived there! I just feel so much more grown up I guess. I don't understand the thing with his mom. I check in with my parents a couple of times a week, when I have some free time to talk. His mom has already called him at work twice today! Oh, and neither time was about bills