I had a good long talk with my husband tonight.
Amazingly he agreed with me on most of what I've been thinking. He too is very frustrated with the way the kids have gotten to be. He is more afraid of them being angry with us for standing our ground, but he agrees that we do need to do something.
I showed him the email I sent, and their responses back to me. He was NOT happy with their part in it or the part where I said if he sided with them he could also leave with them.
But he cooled down toward me after I explained.
So anyway, for tonight, we're ont he same page about this. Here's hoping it stays this way.