Used, abused and totally taken for granted

Tink · 12-16-2006, 07:16 PM

I had a good long talk with my husband tonight.
Amazingly he agreed with me on most of what I've been thinking. He too is very frustrated with the way the kids have gotten to be. He is more afraid of them being angry with us for standing our ground, but he agrees that we do need to do something.

I showed him the email I sent, and their responses back to me. He was NOT happy with their part in it or the part where I said if he sided with them he could also leave with them.

But he cooled down toward me after I explained.

So anyway, for tonight, we're ont he same page about this. Here's hoping it stays this way.

Janet · 12-16-2006, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tink

I had a good long talk with my husband tonight.
Amazingly he agreed with me on most of what I've been thinking. He too is very frustrated with the way the kids have gotten to be. He is more afraid of them being angry with us for standing our ground, but he agrees that we do need to do something.

I showed him the email I sent, and their responses back to me. He was NOT happy with their part in it or the part where I said if he sided with them he could also leave with them.

But he cooled down toward me after I explained.

So anyway, for tonight, we're ont he same page about this. Here's hoping it stays this way.

My husband is like that too with our son. He doesn't want him mad at him. I say "too bad." I have a responsiblity to God to raise him the best I can with what I know. I won't break that promise because my son might get mad at me. It takes more energy, physical and emotional to be angry than it does to be happy.

I'm glad you two were able to talk. It's a first step. Just keep the lines of communication open with your husband and tell him at the first sign of more frustration instead of waiting on it to build. I've been saying a prayer for you nightly and I wish you the best. It'll happen....I'm sure of it.

khardy57 · 12-17-2006, 08:18 AM

I'm so glad you were to talk openly with your hubby. Sometimes all it takes is to clear the air and it sounds like the two of you did that.

I'm sorry about your daughter, but sometimes they just have to sink or swim. I eloped and left home at 16 and boy did I have an eye opening experience. But, I've done well and on sheer determination. Your daughter obviously has a mother who loves and cares about her. You just want the best for your children and it's frustrating to know that they don't want the best for themselves. She'll either make it, or she'll come home with a deeper appreciation of all you do for her. This goes for your son too. You'll probably have to yank his chain a little harder, though.

The problem you're having makes me think of my aunt and her four children. They were handed everything and raised with maids who did everything for them. She finally got tired of it all and as each one graduated, she gave them options:

They could go to college - all espenses paid
They could get married (which was just stupid)
They could join the military

Two of the boys joined the army. The youngest was sent to military school, and the daughter got married.

Even after this, she was constantly having to bail each one out of one financial disaster after another. When she became ill, she didn't call her children, she made her husband bring her to my mother's house. My mom asked me to come over and see what I thought was going on and I took one look and we took her to the ER.

Both she and my uncle told us not to call the kids. They didn't want them to "worry" . Well, when my aunt was transferred to another hospital by ambulance, my sisters and I called her kids and they couldn't be bothered to come. The daughter (in another state) asked "If it was your mother would you come"? Well, hell yes! Put your butt on a plane and get here.

Bottom line, my aunt died 2 weeks later with none of her kids there. My mom and dad, me, my sister, and my uncle were there - but none of her kids. And to this day - none of her kids will call my Mother or answer e-mail.

You don't want this to happen to you Tink - so stick to your guns!!!!!

12-16-2006, 07:16 PM	#1
Tink Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Rural Wisconsin Posts: 3,707	I had a good long talk with my husband tonight. Amazingly he agreed with me on most of what I've been thinking. He too is very frustrated with the way the kids have gotten to be. He is more afraid of them being angry with us for standing our ground, but he agrees that we do need to do something. I showed him the email I sent, and their responses back to me. He was NOT happy with their part in it or the part where I said if he sided with them he could also leave with them. But he cooled down toward me after I explained. So anyway, for tonight, we're ont he same page about this. Here's hoping it stays this way. __________________ 'A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in.. And how many want out.' England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair'

12-17-2006, 08:18 AM	#3
khardy57 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 278	I'm so glad you were to talk openly with your hubby. Sometimes all it takes is to clear the air and it sounds like the two of you did that. I'm sorry about your daughter, but sometimes they just have to sink or swim. I eloped and left home at 16 and boy did I have an eye opening experience. But, I've done well and on sheer determination. Your daughter obviously has a mother who loves and cares about her. You just want the best for your children and it's frustrating to know that they don't want the best for themselves. She'll either make it, or she'll come home with a deeper appreciation of all you do for her. This goes for your son too. You'll probably have to yank his chain a little harder, though. The problem you're having makes me think of my aunt and her four children. They were handed everything and raised with maids who did everything for them. She finally got tired of it all and as each one graduated, she gave them options: They could go to college - all espenses paid They could get married (which was just stupid) They could join the military Two of the boys joined the army. The youngest was sent to military school, and the daughter got married. Even after this, she was constantly having to bail each one out of one financial disaster after another. When she became ill, she didn't call her children, she made her husband bring her to my mother's house. My mom asked me to come over and see what I thought was going on and I took one look and we took her to the ER. Both she and my uncle told us not to call the kids. They didn't want them to "worry" . Well, when my aunt was transferred to another hospital by ambulance, my sisters and I called her kids and they couldn't be bothered to come. The daughter (in another state) asked "If it was your mother would you come"? Well, hell yes! Put your butt on a plane and get here. Bottom line, my aunt died 2 weeks later with none of her kids there. My mom and dad, me, my sister, and my uncle were there - but none of her kids. And to this day - none of her kids will call my Mother or answer e-mail. You don't want this to happen to you Tink - so stick to your guns!!!!!

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