Sometimes I don't know him

[Lindsey]

I don't know that he would necessarily go OUT OF HIS WAY, but if he comes across it he would help someone... like he'll hold the door open for someone who is coming with their arms full or something. Other than that kind of thing, there's not really much else I can think of...

He is kind to other people, and my family and friends just love him because he's so open and happy all the time. I really like that I don't have to feel awkward when we're with my group because he will fit right in.

I have always known that he's tight with his money but since we've been together he has loosened up a lot... in Vegas last year I didn't buy much and he left with 3 or 4 new pairs of shoes And I'm the shoe obsessed one! So in that regard, he has changed. He also buys a new snowboard and snowboard gear pretty much every year. It just feels that when he wants something for himself, it's no problem to go get it, but when it's spending money for other people, then it's a problem. And THAT is something that bothers me.

I know that if we continue our relationship, money will always be the biggest issue. It's all that comes up when we discuss our future. If we have kids, I want them to have the opportunity to take lessons and play sports and all he can say is "that costs money"

I know we're not there yet, but I'm glad we're talking about these things before we get married and before we have kids.

When the time comes, I would definitely see a counselor before taking the next step.

[paula1961]

You are a very smart girl Lindsey! You will figure this out. You have been given alot of great advice from the others. I wish you the best dear friend!

[pope1982]

Originally Posted by Lindsey

I don't know that he would necessarily go OUT OF HIS WAY, but if he comes across it he would help someone... like he'll hold the door open for someone who is coming with their arms full or something. Other than that kind of thing, there's not really much else I can think of...

He is kind to other people, and my family and friends just love him because he's so open and happy all the time. I really like that I don't have to feel awkward when we're with my group because he will fit right in.

I have always known that he's tight with his money but since we've been together he has loosened up a lot... in Vegas last year I didn't buy much and he left with 3 or 4 new pairs of shoes And I'm the shoe obsessed one! So in that regard, he has changed. He also buys a new snowboard and snowboard gear pretty much every year. It just feels that when he wants something for himself, it's no problem to go get it, but when it's spending money for other people, then it's a problem. And THAT is something that bothers me.

I know that if we continue our relationship, money will always be the biggest issue. It's all that comes up when we discuss our future. If we have kids, I want them to have the opportunity to take lessons and play sports and all he can say is "that costs money"

I know we're not there yet, but I'm glad we're talking about these things before we get married and before we have kids.

When the time comes, I would definitely see a counselor before taking the next step.

You also have to keep in mind his relationship with his mother. It seems she has really pampered him, and I am willing to bet that plays into him being a little selfish and inconsiderate at times.

Sometimes we gals just literally have to sit around and wait for mom to back off and our men to grow up. It is good to talk it through and let him know how you feel about it.

If he is the right guy, the wait will be worth it. But it is so not worth it to start arguing over it or letting yourself get blue about it. Like I always say, you must pick your battles and decide how happy you are in life. Things could be much worse my dear! Just keep telling yourself you have a good guy, but like most of them, he has to work through his mommy issues and grow up a little bit (((hugs)))

The good thing is, there is plenty of time for all to be worked out and it does take time! Time and patience, reflection, growth and compromise on both parts as well as the love.

As far as the separate bank accounts, don't let that discussion weigh too heavily on you just yet. Men tend to say exactly what is on their mind without thinking (when they are vocal...) once they've seen our reaction is when they start getting quiet or attempting to change the subject! lol

[Lindsey]

Thanks Becky!

Last night I worked late, I was grumpy, and I drove home in the dark. I opened the condo door to Layla waiting for me, and Scott saying to her "How did you know mommy was coming?" while he dropped what he was doing (working on the crown molding on our cabinets) to give me a hug. I know that I can't just not have him in my life, and we're going to have to just work through whatever there is to work through!

[DianaB]

I think that you've been given some good advice, Lindsey. I also think that Scott is still young and just hasn't given much thought to donating to help other poeple. As we grow older we tend to think more about that kind of thing. Hopefully some of your being so charitable will rub off on him. Give him time.

[paula1961]

Originally Posted by DianaB

I think that you've been given some good advice, Lindsey. I also think that Scott is still young and just hasn't given much thought to donating to help other poeple. As we grow older we tend to think more about that kind of thing. Hopefully some of your being so charitable will rub off on him. Give him time.

Well said Diana!