Mother-Daughter relationships

[Tink]

I'm sorry your Mom wasn't there for you like you wanted her to be. That basically sux.

My Mom is very different from me. I'm so much like my Dad that I've wondered if my Mom really had any doing in my creation. LOL As different as we are, I have to say she was/IS a good mom. She's always put family first, took her role as protector, disciplinarian and caretaker very seriously. While I can't lie and say I consider her a close friend, I do appreciate the mothering she has done.

I guess I'm different from you in that I figure Moms should stay Moms rather than become like freinds. I have friends around the globe and some who I am very close to. I have only one Mom and regardless how things are going between her and I, she is always special to me simply because she is Mom. I can call her up and confide in her when I want to. She does the same. I send her $$ each month now that she's widowed/retired and doesn't have the kind of income she's used to. When one of us is ill, the other is always there offering support and help. We would probably not ever have become friends if we weren't related, but I sure am glad she's my Mom.

[Marilyn]

My Mother was hard to please. She, too had very high expectations, and I failed in many respects. Like you, I was in National Honor Society, and she thought my grades were not good eough. I got a degree in engineering which she never understood and she definitely didn't like me working with men.

We had a strange relationship. When she and my father had arguments, I was the one who consoled her and listened to her. I knew more than I really should have about their relationship, but looking back, she did love me very much and spoiled me in many ways. I was her only child, and she expected a lot of me. As I get older, I appreciate her much more than I did when I was younger. All in all, she was a very good mom. She did the best she knew how.

My father passed away in 1995, and my mother developed dementia soon after and spend the last four years of her life in a nursing home. I visited almost every day. My daughters would do there homework there in the evenings while I fed her and read or sang to her. She passed away in 2000.

I do miss her and wish at times that I could tell her about things. Apologize for some things and ask her about others.

I know my own daughters have complaints about me. Partly because I'm probably a little more like my own mother in some ways than I would like to admit. Oh, well, we do our best.

[Kimberley]

My mother is my best friend. We didn't always be like that, though. We use to fight horribly but since I've gotten older, I accept her advice. Even now I don't always agree with what she says but I always show respect and keep it in the back of my mind. She's usually right about 99% of the time.

[Gina]

Lindsey it sounds like your mother is living her life through you. The things she never did , whether she wanted to or was diffucult for her. She is being very hard on you. I have a college daughter your age and sometimes the expectations are high, I always praised both of my children growing up when they excelled. Now that they are in college , and pursing their careers I always keep on top of them, by giving them confidence and telling them when they are stressed out that study you can do it, and they usually do pass with great grades.

Getting back to your mom she loves you but probably doesn't know how to show it. Word of advice I tell my kids , excel for yourself, do the best and at the end it will pay off. Trust me.

As for my mom, she passed away it will be 7 yrs. My mom was a sweet woman, she did the best that she could. I did a lot for her towards the end of her life, but somehow she didn't ever show appreciation. She was this way all her life, deep down she did appreciate but would never show or tell you. It was like things you did for her were expected I refuse to be this way with my kids, I do show and tell my appreciation.

Lindsey just do your best and you will preservere.... Good luck!

[Janet]

I envy those that have great relationships with their mothers. I never did and probably won't.

I've written before that I do love my mom and sometimes we get a long good and she can be so funny....but that is if things are going her way.

One of the main reasons I never enjoyed Christmas was because she was so mean at that time. My younger brother and I would want to help decorate the Christmas tree and she would let us hang a few ornaments on and then start yelling at us that we put it in the wrong place. She wanted every ornament in the exact same place every year. It was horrible. Plus she has always lived in the same house I grew up in (lives there still) and it's very small. Not enough room for everyone, but she will not have it anywhere else. She did let me have Thanksgiving one year, but she didn't like it...everyone else did.

She is very selfish, self centered and wants people to go out of their way for her, but will never go out of her way for any one else. I have been married 32 years and other than Thanksgiving or Christmas, she has never invited us in for a meal, but is always eager to eat out our house or my brothers.

A good friend of hers passed and we went to the funeral home. One lady told her that she (my mother) had a good daughter and my mom said "she could if she tried a little harder." It really hurt my feelings, but that's my mom.

I could go on and on and on, but this little bit gives you an idea of what I deal with. I only call her now about once a week if that, for her health reasons. She is just so toxic for me to be around I just have to limit it.

Sometimes you have to look at what they were raised like. My mother was not loving when my sister and I were growing up. She very rarely ever said she loved us. My dad was the loving one. He would not let us leave the house with out saying he loved us. Neither one of my parents were raised in a loving home. The father was the provider, the wife a servant and the children the co-workers. My father was not going to let his children grow up that way. My mom kind of took after her mom. My father was her everything. We always came second. My father passed away 3 1/2 years ago. He had cancer for 3 months. We took care of him at home. My sister, mother and I became very close through that. Now my mom has changed her ways. She says " I love you" every time we talk and gives hugs. She is a wonderful grandmother. My sister and my mom are my best friends now. I look at what was not the greatest when I was growing up. Then use that to better myself for my children. I hope my children learn from my mistakes, so they may do better for their children.

[Lindsey]

Originally Posted by Izzy'smom

Sometimes you have to look at what they were raised like.

My mom had 9 brothers and sisters. For that reason I'm not sure how close she was to her mom, although they seem to get along now. Maybe the closeness she never had in her family is preventing her from getting close to her own family.

Janet - I feel the same as you do. I've tried my hardest to make my mom LIKE me but after being criticized for everything, I don't even want to try anymore. I just want to live my own life, and I've pulled away a lot. I moved 4.5 hours away from home and I only see her 2 or 3 times a year.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Janet

I envy those that have great relationships with their mothers. I never did and probably won't.

I've written before that I do love my mom and sometimes we get a long good and she can be so funny....but that is if things are going her way.

One of the main reasons I never enjoyed Christmas was because she was so mean at that time. My younger brother and I would want to help decorate the Christmas tree and she would let us hang a few ornaments on and then start yelling at us that we put it in the wrong place. She wanted every ornament in the exact same place every year. It was horrible. Plus she has always lived in the same house I grew up in (lives there still) and it's very small. Not enough room for everyone, but she will not have it anywhere else. She did let me have Thanksgiving one year, but she didn't like it...everyone else did.

She is very selfish, self centered and wants people to go out of their way for her, but will never go out of her way for any one else. I have been married 32 years and other than Thanksgiving or Christmas, she has never invited us in for a meal, but is always eager to eat out our house or my brothers.

A good friend of hers passed and we went to the funeral home. One lady told her that she (my mother) had a good daughter and my mom said "she could if she tried a little harder." It really hurt my feelings, but that's my mom.

I could go on and on and on, but this little bit gives you an idea of what I deal with. I only call her now about once a week if that, for her health reasons. She is just so toxic for me to be around I just have to limit it.

Aww Janet, this is so sad to hear... She has and is missing out on a great relationship with you her daughter... If she is a self centered person, no matter what you do, will never be good enough. At this stage of the game you have two choices, I would just tell her point blank on how you feel. Lay all the cards on the table and tell her that you have felt hurt, maybe she never realized that she is acting this way. Was your grandmother the same way? Or just ignore it and you do realize that she is not going to change at this point and accept the relationship for what it is....

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Gina

Aww Janet, this is so sad to hear... She has and is missing out on a great relationship with you her daughter... If she is a self centered person, no matter what you do, will never be good enough. At this stage of the game you have two choices, I would just tell her point blank on how you feel. Lay all the cards on the table and tell her that you have felt hurt, maybe she never realized that she is acting this way. Was your grandmother the same way? Or just ignore it and you do realize that she is not going to change at this point and accept the relationship for what it is....

If I was to tell her how I feel, she would just cry. And well, the past is the past. She's 83 and isn't about to change at this age. It's just something I'll have to live with and pray it can get better.

[Emmsmom]

I was NEVER close to my mother. I have no idea where to begin to explain. She was very mentally abusive and towards the end she began to get physically abusive. She has always tried to cause me problems. She has spread so many lies about many it isn't even funny. She doesn't like my husband for anything. So needless to say family get togethers DO NOT happen. On top of it all she has never ever seen my daughter in person. (my choice) I think she may have seen pictures but that is all. I have also not spoken to her in at least 10 years. I don't trust her and to be hoenst I don't even like her. Sad huh! I miss not having a mother. Hell I miss not having a father too. My bio father gave up rights and my so called step father died a long time ago. So.....needless to say I ahve no relationship with my mother.

[Kimberley]

Originally Posted by Janet

I envy those that have great relationships with their mothers. I never did and probably won't.

I've written before that I do love my mom and sometimes we get a long good and she can be so funny....but that is if things are going her way.

One of the main reasons I never enjoyed Christmas was because she was so mean at that time. My younger brother and I would want to help decorate the Christmas tree and she would let us hang a few ornaments on and then start yelling at us that we put it in the wrong place. She wanted every ornament in the exact same place every year. It was horrible. Plus she has always lived in the same house I grew up in (lives there still) and it's very small. Not enough room for everyone, but she will not have it anywhere else. She did let me have Thanksgiving one year, but she didn't like it...everyone else did.

She is very selfish, self centered and wants people to go out of their way for her, but will never go out of her way for any one else. I have been married 32 years and other than Thanksgiving or Christmas, she has never invited us in for a meal, but is always eager to eat out our house or my brothers.

A good friend of hers passed and we went to the funeral home. One lady told her that she (my mother) had a good daughter and my mom said "she could if she tried a little harder." It really hurt my feelings, but that's my mom.

I could go on and on and on, but this little bit gives you an idea of what I deal with. I only call her now about once a week if that, for her health reasons. She is just so toxic for me to be around I just have to limit it.

Hugs to you, Janet. I'm sorry that your mother is this way and has treated you poorly. You are a really nice person...(maybe you got your personality from your dad. ) Hang in there...something in her life has made her not-so-friendly...maybe her parents???

[Janet]

I am very much like my dad...LOL I don't know how he and my mother got together. He was so easy going and oh so funny. I use to feel so sorry for him when Mom would get on one of her tirades. No matter what "story" dad would tell some one, some of the facts may have been wrong (which really didn't matter) would be pointed out by my mother. She always had to be right.

Like I said, we do love each other. Mom would like us to be closer just as I would, but she'll never change and as it is, it's just too toxic for me. I would hate to tell her exactly how I feel, like someone suggested earlier, but if something were to happen to her, I would hate to have that on my mind. So, I will continue to love her, but at a little bit of a distance.

[RLC12345678]

My mother and I are very close. However, when I was growing up, she made sure I knew that she was my "mother" and not my "friend." Now that I am pretty much grown, we are now more like friends. I talk to her on the phone AT LEAST once a day. I love going home to see her. She said that she and my dad will move whereever my hubby and I settle and she will take care of my children for me while I work.