Lindsey!!!!!

[Lindsey]

Hi Janet. I've still be checking in, just not posting lately. I am so busy, and so stressed.

Work is awful. This whole month has been awful. I need to talk to someone about not working with this project manager ever again. The other girl who is on the project with me, is about to quit over the same things. And if she leaves, that leaves me to deal with it all. I feel like when this project blows, it is going to fall on me... so I'm trying to cover my butt by keeping detailed records of what I'm doing every single day, the times I'm getting information, and the times I'm getting things done. It's awful to feel like I have to be on the defensive every second I'm here. I have felt like crying every day this month. And I love my job, I really do, but this project is not in the scope of my job - it's landscaping, and I am a drafter at the will of the landscape architect. He is just awful to work for. I also came here to be a civil designer, not a simple drafter. I feel like I am going nowhere when I keep getting stuck being a drafter for landscaping (this is the third project of his I've been on, and all have been awful, and I have expressed that each time to my superiors). I am here trying to learn how to design city subdivisions - lots, piping, manholes and catch basins. That is what I love. It turns out I do not care the least about curves in walking trails, or the placement of trees or type of grass seed used in parks. I am sick of it. I want my A.Sc.T. designation and I can't get it until I prove I am capable of civil engineering design.

We leave for Africa in 4 weeks. I can't even focus on it anymore. I can hardly even get excited. I don't have time to even think if we have everything we need for the trip. Scott made appointments at the travel health clinic so we went last weekend and got 8 vaccines each. We were both really sick Sunday and Monday. One of my injection spots is swollen and red and hurts to even touch lightly, and this is six days later. Tomorrow we are starting typhoid vaccination pills. I'm praying we don't get sick from those, because I can't miss any more work.

I'm just trying basically to get through my days without crying, going home in the evening and trying not to complain too much to Scott about what happens at work, and trying to take care of my house and the dogs and not get depressed over it all.

I just need a break. And a good cry. And a few glasses of wine... make that bottles of wine.