Used, abused and totally taken for granted

[Tink]

I have given ultimatums and this is the result.
I need to stand firm and just say do it or get out! I know this in my head... it's not so easy in my heart when I am so convinced that the only way out is for ME to go.

Do I call cops to evict my own kids when my husband has given them permission to stay? It makes no sense, but I know he will choose them over me. He always has.

Tink,

I am 25 years old and have no familyof my own. I make my own money and pay my mom every month, not much but enough to cover some expenses. I do often take her for granted and I realize that. To tell you the truth, it took me while to see that. Your son has to start making his money or he won't realize that money don't grow from trees. YOu daughter shuld know how hard it is to make a buck these days and I think that all she needs is a good sit down - NOT SCOLDING! Just express how you feel and explain that you are overwhlemed and need help to at least keep the house presentable.

FORCE your son to work! Take away his car until he finds a job, even though noone is driving it. TRUST ME- he needs to sense some sort of loss.

Hope this helped.

[Tink]

Thanks CChu

I have talked calmly, I have screamed like a banshee I have pleaded and threatened and they turn a deaf ear.

Finally I decided I am going to have to just draw the line and let them decide what to do. I wrote an email to the kids tonight and told them exactly what I expect from them if they want to stay here. Part of that was Joel getting a job and cleaning up after himself, part was Katie acting like she appreciates what we're doing for her whether she feels it or not. She doesn't have to respect me, but she'd best act like she does!

I totally laid it on the line and gave them deadlines for different things along with the consequences of not cooperating. I reminded them that if they can't live by my standards, they are both of age to move out and make their own rules in their own homes.

I told them I hope they stay and straighten out, but I won't accept anything short of what I've asked for.

So now we'll see what results. I simply have to do something before I just lose it altogether. Thanks everyone for the support and ideas. I knew I could count on you all to be honest and upfront with me.

I will keep you posted as to how it goes. I also sent a copy to my oldest daughter so when they call her to whine about how unfair I'm being (or to have me committed), she will know the truth of the matter from my perspective.

HUGS

[highlans]

MY daughter who is now married with a family of her own said to me the other day " I am sorry I did not help out at home more I did not realize how hard you worked to keep the house, food on the table, working and us all happy".
Did bring a tear to my eye's, better late than never.

[Cribal]

Tink, I just saw this and I'm happy to hear that your doing something about it. Just be sure to STICK TO YOUR GUNS and don't let anything go. I think Janet and Blowery gave you some GREAT advice and I hope this all works out for you.

[Emmsmom]

Originally Posted by Tink

Thanks CChu

I have talked calmly, I have screamed like a banshee I have pleaded and threatened and they turn a deaf ear.

Finally I decided I am going to have to just draw the line and let them decide what to do. I wrote an email to the kids tonight and told them exactly what I expect from them if they want to stay here. Part of that was Joel getting a job and cleaning up after himself, part was Katie acting like she appreciates what we're doing for her whether she feels it or not. She doesn't have to respect me, but she'd best act like she does!

I totally laid it on the line and gave them deadlines for different things along with the consequences of not cooperating. I reminded them that if they can't live by my standards, they are both of age to move out and make their own rules in their own homes.

I told them I hope they stay and straighten out, but I won't accept anything short of what I've asked for.

So now we'll see what results. I simply have to do something before I just lose it altogether. Thanks everyone for the support and ideas. I knew I could count on you all to be honest and upfront with me.

I will keep you posted as to how it goes. I also sent a copy to my oldest daughter so when they call her to whine about how unfair I'm being (or to have me committed), she will know the truth of the matter from my perspective.

HUGS

You GO Girl ! You have gone above and beyond for Katie on numerous occasions! Even Berry and your mom know it. Even if Greg doesn't support you I am pretty sure they will. I would stick to it. If Greg doesn't like it what exactly is he gonna do? He isn't there much as it is becuase of work.

Say Greg gets ticked. I am sure he has room in his truck for at least one more. It might be good for Joel to get away.

You deserve to be respected and I agree if they can't they should leave. It really is too bad that you can't ship them off to the military. I think you are right about it being good for them.

Keep me posted. ((HUGS))

[DianaB]

I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself!! Just stick with it and they'll see that you mean it and hopefully things will change. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

[Janet]

I think it's great that you sent them an email. That way you can get your feelings out without them wanting to debate it. I just know it will work out somehow, just stick to your rules.

[Kimberley]

Ah, Tink! You've gotten some good advice. I was going to suggest going on strike...I've done it in the past because I didn't get help from hubby. You just hang in there...you've got a great group of friends here that will back you up and support you.

I was also going to suggest...If it were me??? I'd take about $500-1,000 and leave for a week. I'd find a cheap hotel somewhere and take a vacation just for me. I'd sleep in, eat meals by myself, go sight seeing, go watch an opera...whatever. But I'd live for ME for a week.

[khardy57]

Tink,
You've really had some good advice given here. I'm glad to see that you've taken the first step to getting control back from your kids. I am going to go one step further though. If the kids don't straighten up, I'd leave. You said your husband would choose them over you - so be it. You MUST have some kind of peace in your life and if you can't get it any other way then I'd leave. They've got to realize that you are serious.

I hope it works out for you. Please let us know what happens.

Kim

[cindy0721]

Good for you Tink! I was also going to suggest some of the above but what everyone told you is right on the $$... tell you what IF that hubby of yours won't respect you or your decisions.. show him the door .. tell him if he does not agree with how you run your house well"That door he sees right there, is wide enough for all three of them to leave out of!"

[Tink]

Thanks all. I need your suport right now to keep my spine stiff.

I haven't talked with my daughter yet, because she hasn't been home in several days. I doubt she's seen her email yet.

My son however, was quite unhappy with it. He did talk with a friend of his who has just signed up for the military and is now considering that for himself. He agrees he needs to make some big changes and did start straightening the house a bit today. He's a long way from where I'd like him to be, but at least he's talking rationally and sees a need for change.

I haven't talked with my hubby yet. I have no idea how he will react, but even with him I plan to just tell it like I see it and hope he's willing to see my side of things. I seriously won't be surprised if he doesn't, but that's a chance I have to take. I just can't continue like this.

[Emmsmom]

Good for you!! I think the military would be good for BOTH of them. At least you have one starting to think about going down the right path. I can't believe Katie has even bothered to call and check in. That would really tick me off!!I think you did the right thing. You have put up with so much for WAY to long.

((HUGS))

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by Tink

Thanks all. I need your suport right now to keep my spine stiff.

I haven't talked with my daughter yet, because she hasn't been home in several days. I doubt she's seen her email yet.

My son however, was quite unhappy with it. He did talk with a friend of his who has just signed up for the military and is now considering that for himself. He agrees he needs to make some big changes and did start straightening the house a bit today. He's a long way from where I'd like him to be, but at least he's talking rationally and sees a need for change.

I haven't talked with my hubby yet. I have no idea how he will react, but even with him I plan to just tell it like I see it and hope he's willing to see my side of things. I seriously won't be surprised if he doesn't, but that's a chance I have to take. I just can't continue like this.

At least your son is making an effort and sees that he needs a change in his life. I hope that you see efforts from the others as well. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Tink]

Hubby just called and will be home in a bit. Since both kids are gone tonight, it will give me an opportunity to talk with him about this before the kids do which I think is good. So cross your fingers and say a prayer if you will. I need all the help I can get.