TO SPANK OR NOT TO SPANK! That is the question

As a child I was BEATEN so bad that I would BLEED, I would wear a pair of jeans to school and the blood would get on them so I got it again I have been beat with a broom, saw my brothers hit with water hoses oh lord all the hell we my brothers and sister went thourgh as children. When I made up my mine not to cry when I got hit it just made it worse,I made up my mind NOT to spank my children and I haven't I would go outside when their father spank them and I would cry harder then they would, for many years this has when on. My daughter is out of the house and works 40 hours a week (but she hates me) My son thinks I can't do anything right he also hates me. My children does not repect me, but I still couldn't spank them if they where small again.