Hurt Feelings

[2tiredmom]

I am a little hurt right at the moment. My oldest daughter that just had the baby and got engaged and was living with us. She up and left to go down and spend a week and a half with her Dad and Boyfriend. We more or less knew she wasn't going to stay here long. But we have bent over backwards for her. I'm sure I would want to be closer to my intended but she could have let us know what
she was thinking or planning on doing. She doctors up here where we live.
I'm just afraid she will take the baby and never come see us. The boy she is engaged to apparently does not like us to well. But then he does not know us either. He lives just down the road from her dad and gets along with him just great. I just feel so left out. She had the nerve to ask before she left what we would be willing to spend on her wedding. Need less to say I told her we would have to talk about it seeing as to how we are paying for her college and her brothers college. I may just tell her boyfriend he get the college payment after they get married. Thanks for reading.

[Emmsmom]

WOW! I am sooo sorry to hear things are so tense right now. Let me give you my take on things...

First off.. I can understand you being hurt by it all. I know I would be. It sounds like you have done so much for her. I think that she should have told you what she had planned if nothing else but to show a little respect.
Second.. I am shocked that she is asking for money for a wedding! You are currently paying for her to go to college!

I would let her know that when she gets married that she will paying for her own college tuition. If you want to help with a small wedding I would tell her to start paying for her tuition fee NOW. I would also let her know up front that you only intend on giving her a certain amount of help or money. (Which ever you feel is right)

You know, she doesn't have to have a wedding. There are many other ways to get married. My husband and I never had a wedding. I went and bought a nice dress. It cost me about $45 . He went and bought a nice suit that cost about $80. We also bought plain gold bands.( about $120)We didn't get married in a church either. We got married in the preacher's livingroom. It was the preacher, his wife, and my granny. That was it. That was 12 years ago. Soo my wedding cost about $345. We also gave the preacher some money.

I can't imagine how you feel as I have not been down that road. Just do what you feel is the right thing to do. ((HUGS))

I am sos orry that your feelings are hurt. I'm not completely understanding the situation but I do hope that your daughter will learn to be more appreciative.

Good luck!

[khardy57]

I would be hurt, too! I really think that a lot of people today who have their children before the wedding look ridiculous having these big church weddings with all the frills. I think they should go to the courthouse and get married and then if they want a reception, pay for it themselves. You're doing enough by paying tuition.

I know this sounds harsh, but my 2 sisters had church weddings (no children ahead of time) that they paid for themselves. They knew that my parents really couldn't afford it and didn't mind it a bit.

[Janet]

Linda, I have to agree with the above advice. I can't believe she is expecting this of you. I can't remember exactly when you said they were getting married, but once married the money spring should stop flowing. If she's adult enough to have a baby and then get married..... it's time she paid her own bills.

I can't blame you for being hurt.....that would just break my heart! Was she planning on coming back after a week? Then what? Who will be taking care of the baby while she's in school? Who will be paying for the babysitter? I know you're working. I think you and Gary need to sit down with her and find out just exactly what her plans are. Let her Dad carry the load, you've carried it long enough.

You know I'm here if you need me. You have my email and my phone number so contact me anytime. I hate that your feelings are hurt!

[rivermom]

I am sorry for your hurt feelings. It is never easy when the children we love hurt us. I am hoping that the two of you can sit down and have an open discussion about everything and work it all out.

The best to you both.

[Janet]

Hey Linda, how are things going? I hope you were able to sit down and talk it out.