oh my god

[Lindsey]

I am still in shock and i feel like throwing up. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. A friend just took me out and I had a coffee and I shouldn't have because now i'll be up all night. How do I go to work tomorrow and act like there's nothing wrong?
Honestly he was my everything. I know it wasn't even that long, I dated one guy for 3 years and never felt this strongly about him. I loved this guy and I knew it from the first night I was with him. How does one person just stop when the other person feels stronger? Every relationship I've been in has been so bad, he's the first guy who didn't cheat on me, and i've been raped before, lied to constantly, laughed at and belittled by every guy. and it's not just that he didn't do those things, he treated me like GOLD. He brought me into his group and his friends were my friends, his family was my family. Now they're all gone. I don't have their numbers because we all hung out when he called them. I moved to this city for him. Now I'm all alone. He cried when he told me.
I need some girlfriends here so bad. The guy friend who took me out tonight just doesn't know how to handle this. We sat there while he talked about his friends and I shook and tried to hold in my tears. Last night I happened to get back in touch with my "sister", my best friend, whom I haven't talked to in months. I told her he had been acting weird and she told me "If it's not right it's not right. I've learned not to pray to fall in love with someone, just pray for someone to love you as much as you love them" For now I think I'll just pray for the strength to get through this, even though I haven't prayed in years.