oh my god

[Lindsey]

thanks gina. My mom and I aren't close at all and we never talk about things like this but as soon as I walked in the door last night i grabbed my phone and called her and i couldn't even talk, i couldn't even breathe. I got to work this morning and it just took one person to ask what's wrong and the tears came. They told me to just go home and get some rest and try to feel better by monday. I could deal a little better if I saw this coming, if I could prepare myself for it. but he kept insisting nothing was wrong, right up until the day before yesterday. He wanted me to go watch a movie and stay overnight last night and it would still be going on if I didn't call back and ask straight up what's happening to us. He knew for a month. He's had a month to pull himself away from me and when i felt him pulling away I thought it was my fault and I poured even more of my heart into everything I did for him until all of me was just trying to make him happy. There's memories and things of his all over my house and I just can't bear to touch anything yet. For some reason this morning I went through my camera and looked at all the cute pictures we used to self-take of us cuddling and smiling. I feel so dead.