How would you react?

[Janet]

Oh Tink....this is sad. I would tell her to check with an attorney first. She has stuck by her husband all this time and she needs to make sure she will be able to recieve what she is entitled to, I mean this is a lifetime that she has stuck by him. If none of that really matters to her...then I think she deserves to be happy. Does she want to remarry or can she settle for just as much time with him as possible? I don't see why anyone would think poorly of her, if they did, my personal opinion is they are just wanting their own needs met.

What are your thoughts?

[DianaB]

Wow, that's a hard one to have an answer for. I'm a firm believer in "til death do us part" but......I'm just not sure what to say to this. How does her family feel about it? Her happiness with this other man will depend on how they feel about it.

[Tink]

Thanks Janet, that's MY thinking on it too. She has sacrificed much of her life doing the "right thing" and for the most part hasn't even complained about it. She is really a wonderful lady and I think it's about time she has some happiness for herself. She could still have the same friendship with her hubby that she's had for the past 30+ yrs if it will help him, but wouldn't have to be lonely and depressed over the situation she's in.

She's taken her hubby home on weekends, holidays, etc as much as she can. He is incontinent, is a large man who she can't handle getting in and out of the wheelchair alone anymore, and I truly feel she's done far more than most would have already. I personally would be thrilled for her to finally be free to have some happiness for herself whether she remarried or not.

Sadly, people call her a saint for having been the loyal wife she has been. Yet people can be so cruel, and she's afraid she might earn the reputation of the complete opposite when news gets out.

[Tink]

It IS a tough situation.
Diana, that's the way the woman involved has always felt about it too. Which is why this is so hard for her. She has honored her vows, and part of her feels she should continue to... yet what they have is not a marriage in most ways. She still loves him, but it's not the way she should because he's not able to be there in any way for her. 30+ yrs of being his caretaker and facing life all alone has to have affected her.

She knows she could go from Saint to "heartless witch" in record time if she divorces him.

All 5 of her kids have told her they would love to see her happy and she's got their blessing. They don't see him as a father, because he's not been able to be one for so long. It's as if their father died long ago.

[Janet]

I would encourage her to find her happiness. I mean if her children are behind her, then she shouldn't worry about what others think.

[DianaB]

If her kids are alright with it I would say to go for it. I would hope that she would continue to check on her present husband and make sure that he's properly taken care of. This is a hard one for me because it goes against what I believe as a christian. I'm just glad that it's not me.

My Mom divorced my Dad after a very stressful marriage and she did it with my blessing. I have a hard time with divorce, but I knew that God had better things for her. She's been happily married to a wonderful man for about 12 years. He treats her like a queen and has really changed her life. So who am I to say that it's not right? As I said, tell her to go for it!

[Mandy]

Bless her heart! She has stood by hes side for 30 years, thats a very long time. It doesnt sound like that lady has had much of life, its about time she started living. Glad her children gave their blessings, that will make her feel better about the situation.
Tink, if i were you, i would encourage her.

I wish her a LOT of love & happiness!

[AngieDoogles]

Wow! What an amazing woman! I hope her children let her know how wonderful she has been in this situation and I'm glad she has you to tell her as well Tink. I think after all she has been through, she definitely deserves to be happy. If anyone looks down on her because of it, then they must not truly understand the situation. She has given so much of herself, I think it's about time for her to find happiness.

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by Mandy

Bless her heart! She has stood by hes side for 30 years, thats a very long time. It doesnt sound like that lady has had much of life, its about time she started living. Glad her children gave their blessings, that will make her feel better about the situation.
Tink, if i were you, i would encourage her.

I wish her a LOT of love & happiness!

I agree completely. I worked in nursing homes for almost 5 yrs. It is very sad to see what happens. MOST families drop someone off there & forget they exist. It's so nice to see someone who cares. I do think she should still check on him & I'm sure she would but she has been taking care of the body of her husband for over 30 yrs. I believe the soul can die with the mind long before the body does. She deserves happiness. She can't be miserable for the rest of her life because a tragedy took her husband's. & yes people may talk but he is basically dead. His body is still there but he is not the husband or father he was. Would anyone say something to her if she married 30 years after he had died? No...if people say something to her she just needs to remember that. No one else has walked in her shoes & most would NOT have made it over 30 years.