Feeling like a Loser

[Marilyn]

Ponyup, it's hard to make a judgment with the information that you provided. There is definitely a lot more to the story than we are seeing here. My suggestion would be for you to first find a good councelor who can help you with your self esteem issues. You have to feel good about yourself to have the confidence to in order to improve your situation. If you really want to stay in the family business, you must first realize your worth and the contribution that you have to make. Then you must convince your parents that there is more to you than they think there is. The best way to do this is to do more than your position requires, go above and beyond. It will be an uphill climb, and is not for the faint hearted. You can change even their perception of you if you set your mind to it and realize that you are somebody who they can depend on.

This means getting to work early, and staying late. Asking for more work to do than you are assigned. You have to be driven in your attitude and not lose heart when they criticize. It will take time and they will be critical of you and be watching you. You will have to do your job so well that they will be ready to give you more responsibility. They probably won't just hand you another more challenging position, you will have to work your way up to it over time.

If you are not ready to get the counseling that is needed and not willing to work hard to change their perception of you, then if you want to improve your situation, your only choice is to move on and work somewhere else or go back to school and try to get to a position to be able to work somewhere else.

Bottomline, you are in charge. You have control of your destiny and a huge part of it is building your self confidence so you are ready to handle the challenges that your work and life place in your path.

You are stronger than you think you are!!! You can do it, and we are here to cheer you on!!!!!!!! Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. We do care very much!!!

[goofywife]

I agree with what everyone said. I will add that everyone has different strengths and talents. There is a book called discover your strengths. I would recommend that you read it and take the personality test, to help you discover what would be the best position for you.

We give a test very similar to it to every applicant. This helps us with finding the person for each job (it takes a different type of person to do data entry than to do sales). Getting the wrong job can make you miserable as well as anyone arround you.

The same goes for going into management. Being the manager of a sales (or customer service) team is different than being the manager of a data entry, marketing or accounting. However; being a manager of any department means you have to have some management skills. You have to know how to motivate people, communicate, and lead.

Personally, I think its time for you to go to work for someone else in order to grow and gain new skills with out this thing at the family business hanging over you.

Once you have spent a few years working for someone else and hone your management skills with them (instead of at your family business where they will be watching you like a hawk), go back to work at the family business.

I do not believe you will be able to grow and become who you can be in that environment.

Good Luck!!!

[Ponyup]

Thanks you guys. I guess my big problem is I never had a dream. I never wanted to do anything besides being a mother, but things have changed in that area. I need to figure out what type of job would fit me. I have a book called finding your own north star that's supposed to help. I also might try the discover your strengths book. I do like to read. I plan to read the North star book over the vacation time I have coming up. Once I figure out the direction I want to go then I can set up a goal & work towards that goal. I know I am strong & capable. I just have trouble getting motivated some times.

My husband told me not to worry about it that my mom doesn't know what she's talking about. Goodness it would be so easy to be a man sometimes.

And I am relatively young I guess. I'm 27 now. Maybe I need to go back to school & get my teaching degree. That's what I started out in. I wanted to be a math teacher, but the math requirements got too demanding so I gave up in search of an easier major. I am capable just lazy. The more I think about the more I think I'd make a good teacher. I've always been a late bloomer so it just may take me a while to figure out what I really want to do.

Thank you all for the encouragement & advice. I'll let you know what I figure out.

[judy]

I can't think of anything else to add to what everyone else said!

Yes, I can - don't ever take anyone else's assessment of you too seriously; everybody has their own agenda. Your mom may need to defend your dad, who knows. It's your life and if you want to be lazy, or spend it skydiving, or become ambitious and move up, take control and do whatever you want.

I think the therapy idea is really a good one. Your self esteem needs a good kick in the butt, and that's too hard to begin by yourself.