i give up...well, i want to anyway...

Janet · 08-14-2007, 07:50 AM

Good for you. I'm happy that you've talked it all out!

judy · 08-14-2007, 08:40 AM

Dear Mandee,

Having been divorced twice, I have to commend you on being able to talk it out with your husband. It's the most important first step to mending things.

With my second ex, we went to marriage counseling. We cared a great deal for each other. I was the "love of his life," but he, too, was controlling. Val talked about abuse, and I have to say that I feel that control is the beginning of abuse. I didn't want that marriage to end at that time. We were great friends, I did love him, although I was never in love with him, we knew each other since junior high school as friends, and he's still an amazing stepfather.

The marriage did end. The bottom line was that I really was done being treated that way. The counseling showed me exactly what we both were about, we tried our best to keep it together, and I ended it with no regrets.

I am so much happier - and this is about 12 years later - than I was with him.
I don't believe in suffering. Life is too short and I'm not afraid to be alone.
But, that's me.

Nobody can tell you what to do. I would say that counseling, with the right counselor, might be helpful. We had the wrong counselor at first. She told me I had to compromise, this is who he is, blah, blah, blah. I just didn't want him!
I didn't have to compromise my own life and I didn't care for who he was.

Best to you. Prayers for the best outcome are coming your way.

Forgivenmom5 · 08-14-2007, 07:15 PM

Mandee sounds like you really communicated this time. Hope it helps. You could not have worked on the problem without you both truly realizing what the problem was.

Good Luck and try to remember that the love you have is worth working for.

toodles · 08-20-2007, 04:35 AM

things have been much much better lately. we have both been more loving and aware of when the other person is not happy with something. he has also taken more time and been aware of how he is acting with my daughter. she is seeing the benefit of our talk as well

AngieDoogles · 08-20-2007, 05:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toodles

things have been much much better lately. we have both been more loving and aware of when the other person is not happy with something. he has also taken more time and been aware of how he is acting with my daughter. she is seeing the benefit of our talk as well

That's wonderful Mandee! I'm so happy for you! YAY!

blowry · 08-20-2007, 05:09 AM

Hi Mandee, I just read this post. I am sorry that you have to go through this and happy that things are working out for both of you. When I read your post I was reading my life with my husband. I am 50 and this is my second marriage. We will be married 8 yrs in November. Only difference, I am living with a man that is bi-polar and has a mood disorder. NEVER in my life did I think I would end up like this. I love him with all my heart and am totally in love with him. I DO NOT want to leave him but, that thought had crossed my mind. The verbal, emotional abuse and controlling has got to end...I told myself (after divorcing an abuser) that I would NEVER let anyone do this to me again.....and I did....shame on me! He is in therapy right now and on meds however, he has a binge drinking problem as well and this is when the verbal and emotional abuse gets worse. I pray everyday that God gives me strength to help me, help him. If you ever need someone to talk to please don't hesitate....I certainly know what you are going through and how you are feeling and, sometimes just talking with someone that is going through it makes you feel better....You are not alone Mandee.

Big hugs to you

judy · 08-22-2007, 07:16 PM

Dear Mandee,

This is great news! I'm so happy for you. It takes work and you're doing a good job.

Judy

judy · 08-22-2007, 07:21 PM

Dear Brenda,

What you're doing through sounds really rough. I hope he finds the right meds soon. It does take time when you're dealing with medication. Hang in there honey, and we're here for you!

Emmsmom · 08-23-2007, 09:35 AM

I am so glad things are on the mend. ((HUGS))

08-14-2007, 07:50 AM	#1
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,625	Good for you. I'm happy that you've talked it all out! __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

08-14-2007, 08:40 AM	#2
judy Donating 4WT Yakker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Denver, NY Posts: 8,097	Dear Mandee, Having been divorced twice, I have to commend you on being able to talk it out with your husband. It's the most important first step to mending things. With my second ex, we went to marriage counseling. We cared a great deal for each other. I was the "love of his life," but he, too, was controlling. Val talked about abuse, and I have to say that I feel that control is the beginning of abuse. I didn't want that marriage to end at that time. We were great friends, I did love him, although I was never in love with him, we knew each other since junior high school as friends, and he's still an amazing stepfather. The marriage did end. The bottom line was that I really was done being treated that way. The counseling showed me exactly what we both were about, we tried our best to keep it together, and I ended it with no regrets. I am so much happier - and this is about 12 years later - than I was with him. I don't believe in suffering. Life is too short and I'm not afraid to be alone. But, that's me. Nobody can tell you what to do. I would say that counseling, with the right counselor, might be helpful. We had the wrong counselor at first. She told me I had to compromise, this is who he is, blah, blah, blah. I just didn't want him! I didn't have to compromise my own life and I didn't care for who he was. Best to you. Prayers for the best outcome are coming your way. __________________ *Judy*

08-14-2007, 07:15 PM	#3
Forgivenmom5 4WT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,409	Mandee sounds like you really communicated this time. Hope it helps. You could not have worked on the problem without you both truly realizing what the problem was. Good Luck and try to remember that the love you have is worth working for. __________________ ~Debbie~

08-20-2007, 04:35 AM	#4
toodles Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Nashville, Tn Posts: 243	things have been much much better lately. we have both been more loving and aware of when the other person is not happy with something. he has also taken more time and been aware of how he is acting with my daughter. she is seeing the benefit of our talk as well __________________ Give me coffee & I'll be your buddy 4ever "Toodles" Mandee...AKA-Pepe Mint on YT

08-20-2007, 05:09 AM	#6
blowry Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 450	Hi Mandee, I just read this post. I am sorry that you have to go through this and happy that things are working out for both of you. When I read your post I was reading my life with my husband. I am 50 and this is my second marriage. We will be married 8 yrs in November. Only difference, I am living with a man that is bi-polar and has a mood disorder. NEVER in my life did I think I would end up like this. I love him with all my heart and am totally in love with him. I DO NOT want to leave him but, that thought had crossed my mind. The verbal, emotional abuse and controlling has got to end...I told myself (after divorcing an abuser) that I would NEVER let anyone do this to me again.....and I did....shame on me! He is in therapy right now and on meds however, he has a binge drinking problem as well and this is when the verbal and emotional abuse gets worse. I pray everyday that God gives me strength to help me, help him. If you ever need someone to talk to please don't hesitate....I certainly know what you are going through and how you are feeling and, sometimes just talking with someone that is going through it makes you feel better....You are not alone Mandee. Big hugs to you __________________ Brenda

08-22-2007, 07:16 PM	#7
judy Donating 4WT Yakker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Denver, NY Posts: 8,097	Dear Mandee, This is great news! I'm so happy for you. It takes work and you're doing a good job. Judy __________________ *Judy*

08-22-2007, 07:21 PM	#8
judy Donating 4WT Yakker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Denver, NY Posts: 8,097	Dear Brenda, What you're doing through sounds really rough. I hope he finds the right meds soon. It does take time when you're dealing with medication. Hang in there honey, and we're here for you! __________________ *Judy*

08-23-2007, 09:35 AM	#9
Emmsmom Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 612	I am so glad things are on the mend. ((HUGS)) __________________ MICHELLE

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