i give up...well, i want to anyway...

[judy]

Dear Mandee,

Having been divorced twice, I have to commend you on being able to talk it out with your husband. It's the most important first step to mending things.

With my second ex, we went to marriage counseling. We cared a great deal for each other. I was the "love of his life," but he, too, was controlling. Val talked about abuse, and I have to say that I feel that control is the beginning of abuse. I didn't want that marriage to end at that time. We were great friends, I did love him, although I was never in love with him, we knew each other since junior high school as friends, and he's still an amazing stepfather.

The marriage did end. The bottom line was that I really was done being treated that way. The counseling showed me exactly what we both were about, we tried our best to keep it together, and I ended it with no regrets.

I am so much happier - and this is about 12 years later - than I was with him.
I don't believe in suffering. Life is too short and I'm not afraid to be alone.
But, that's me.

Nobody can tell you what to do. I would say that counseling, with the right counselor, might be helpful. We had the wrong counselor at first. She told me I had to compromise, this is who he is, blah, blah, blah. I just didn't want him!
I didn't have to compromise my own life and I didn't care for who he was.

Best to you. Prayers for the best outcome are coming your way.