My Dad

[katepoet]

I am so sorry about your father's death, Melissa. It is incredibly hard, I know. It was a tough fight against incredible odds. I am glad you had time to be with him, after his diagnosis.

My father died from pancreatic cancer also. It's been nine years this month. I miss him almost every day still but I don't cry often anymore. My mother's death from endocrine system tumors was harder as we didn't know she had cancer or was dying until the last day. It took me years to stop crying from my broken heart when I lost her. You are not alone.

I am imagining a hug and sending it to you. My shoulder is available for tears and I am listening to you.

One thing my mother always said about losing someone close to you is that the pain never goes away, it is just further from daily life as time goes by. When I lost her, keeping that in mind helped. Friends asked after 6 months or a year why I was still so sad about her death, wasn't I over it already?!? They didn't understand or share the experience. But knowing that it doesn't go away means I didn't have to fight my grief. If I felt sad and at a loss, it was the way I felt and I allowed myself to be in that space.

So my advice is that you do the same. It is OK to grieve, to feel such strong loss. Don't let them tell you differently. Some days it will be hard to get up and keep going. Please do, though. Your father would surely want you to find your way forward and to find joy in your life again. You will honor him with both your grief and your joy.

I am sorry you are worried about your husband being there for you. Maybe that is something to talk about with him. Sometimes, we have to ask for the greater commitment just to find out if it is there. It is a hard time for marriage, when we begin to deal with our parents' deaths, but your marriage will become stronger for going through the fire.

Love and hugs.