17 yr old daughter, need I say more?

[judy]

It sounds like you're doing everything right. I was a high school teacher for years.
I retired just about a year ago, and believe it or not, I loved my kids. Teens are fun when they're not yours.

I promise you will live through this, and so will she. How's that nervous breakdown working for her? Does she hate you more than anything else in the universe, are you the absolute dumbest person she will ever meet, do you not understand the first thing about her and her priorities, and, while you're at it, are you to blame for every single thing that has gone wrong in her entire life? If so, then you are as good mother.

I found that with my own daughter and with my students, agreeing with them on these points (where appropriate - you do want to have serious discussions sometimes) worked for me. I also took the blame for the war we're having now, poverty, all illness, and any forest fires and/or droughts that occurred. Yes, it's all my fault, I'm a terrible, horrible person - now do what I told you anyway, or you're still grounded. And have that nervous breakdown quietly please. I want to watch my TV show.

By the way, my students really, really loved their mothers when we would talk
about it. Thy also took a lot more responsibility for themselves than they let their parents know. It's their job to drive their parents crazy.