Going ballistic

[katepoet]

I don't think that's necessarily mean, Sheryl. It depends on the individual situation, of course. I have to agree that he sounds like he needs to live independent of Mom cleaning up behind him so he can wallow in his mess and see where that leads him!

[Tink]

Sheryl. I agree fully, it's getting dh to back me that's been the hard part. His dad was an abusive nasty person and dh has taken the absolute opposite approach in his parenting in an effort to never be anything like him. It just breaks his heart to think of being that firm even though he seems to know it's gone too far too.

I really want to set a deadline and stick to it. If he's old enough to be engaged, he's certainly old enough to move out of our house! He's been offered to move into the same house his fiancee lives in and split the rent etc... and he finds all kinds of excuses not to go. I think it's time we just put our foot down so he has to go somewhere. It's not healthy for him to keep living here... not for ANY of us.

Katie being pg, has renewed her resolve to move out again. Her bf tells me his Christmas gift to her is going to be the first and last months rent and deposit on an apartment for her. (Whether she's ready for him to move in or not at this point is still in question) So unless she refuses his gift, she will be moving into a place of her own soon.

I think whatever date we set for Joel should also hold for Doug, the "extra kid" we have living here. I can't see keeping him here if we make Joel leave.

If I have my way, we will have an empty nest before New Years. I pray it works out that way.

[katepoet]

That sounds like such a good plan - it's much easier for each one of them to face the move out date when each one is not the only one doing it. I think of the things we do to force growth as part of the job of making men and women out of boys and girls. If we don't, they will be like some of my students - unable to live independent of Mom and Dad, standing straight and proud.

[rivermom]

Thoughts are with ya Tink!!

[DianaB]

Good luck, Tink!

[Janet]

Best wishes and love to ya Tink!! I wanted to say so much what Sheryl said. It really is time he moves out. He needs to come home from work and go to bed, this crap of interrupting your sleep is bull! Put a chain around the fridge, maybe he'll get at least one hint.

You are just too good a person for him to treat you this way.

[rivermom]

Wouldn't it be great to have all the perfect answers on parenting? A guarantee that life would be easy with them? Sheesh, wake up Sheryl!!

Out of three kids - one is doing pretty well now. (trust me he had his moments) Another who I just found out doesn't believe in God, and my last one who thinks I'm a stupid mean idiot. It was soooo much easier when they all were young. I think the hardest time is when they are able to look you straight in the eye. Each inch of height means an inch more of issues.

I just keep hope that it all works out....Isn't that all we can do??

LOL - Tink. It would be easy if you could just spank his bottom and send him to his room. A little time out sorta say right?

A reminder to all us Mom's with adult kids....Deep breath, deeeep breath! *sigh*
A reminder to those with itty bitty kids....Deep breath it will only get worse! ha haaa *sigh*

[Janet]

So far, my son and I are very close and he gives me no problems.....but he's also smart enough to know I'd sell his car in less than a minute!!!.....LOL

[judy]

Sheryl - you are so right! The bigger they get, the bigger the problems.

Dear Tink,

You know I feel for you and certainly support you, both for your sake and for your son's. He does have to learn to live on his own.

I have to say though that dh (Greg) is a sweetheart. Although it's not working out, his motives are so loving. I'm so glad that you're married to such a kind man.

You'll work it out. Worst case scenario, change the locks or move, leaving no forwarding address! Seriously, it will happen.