i'm done trying !!

[judy]

Originally Posted by HALEY

Yes i have considered counseling, but he's been working now from 7 am to 9 pm. i don't know where we could squeze it in. plus my plate is full, with a full time job and taking care of Micah by myself. it's hard right now.. i'm just lost when it comes to my marriage, don't know what to do? it's draining me. just getting tired of trying and Mike's not.

Counseling for yourself might be a good idea. You can just take Micah with you.
He's young enough not to understand what you're saying and probably easy to
keep busy for the 45 - 60 minutes.

[HALEY]

I should at the end of June, when i get Mikes debt. paid off. Scraping now with the bills. sounds like a good idea.

[pope1982]

I will play devils advocate here, but there is a possibility he is just as scared of opening up to you for fear of being hurt as you are.
Men show emotions in different ways than we do, as I am SURE you have figured out!

This is a challenging time for everyone and mixed signals could be to blame for some of this.

He should have at least sucked it up and said "thank you" though. Although, we are all guilty of throwing ourselves pity parties and taking it out on innocent bystanders from time to time and most definitely saying things we don't mean... regretting it the instant it shows it's ugliness.

Hang in there, can you guys maybe try to get all your feelings out through emails to each other? That way you don't forget everything you have on your mind, and how it's made you feel. Could break the ice, if not for the marriages sake, you do have to remain in each others lives for your beautiful son.

I wish your family the best of luck!

[HALEY]

we'll we can't do the e-mail thing, he works construction.
so were just going to have to have a talk one night, when he is home, and that is never! He leaves at 6:30 am and is home 8-9 pm everyday !.
I don't know how to work on a marriage when i never see him anymore, it's getting close to summer and his hours have picked up at work and people are calling him like crazy to do side jobs.. By the time he comes home i'm in bed.
and its not fair to me, i have to run home everyday and get the baby, feed him, get him ready for bed, do all the house work, take care of two dogs.
When do i get a break.
He's also missing out on his son growing up.
One of the problems is we never have "us" time, always busy.. He needs to stay home a couple nights a week and spend some time with his son and take some of the burden off of me and give me a break once in awhile...

[DianaB]

It sounds like you're needing some quality time with your husband. I suggest that you read the book "The Five Love Languages" it's by Gary Chapman. My husband and I were having some problems and this book really, really helped. While your need is for quality time his probably isn't, but he has a different need. I cried through the first couple chapters of the book because they really addressed what I was feeling. It's pretty easy reading and not too terribly long. You can find them on e-bay for not too much.

[HALEY]

Originally Posted by DianaB

It sounds like you're needing some quality time with your husband. I suggest that you read the book "The Five Love Languages" it's by Gary Chapman. My husband and I were having some problems and this book really, really helped. While your need is for quality time his probably isn't, but he has a different need. I cried through the first couple chapters of the book because they really addressed what I was feeling. It's pretty easy reading and not too terribly long. You can find them on e-bay for not too much.

could you give me some highlights of the book? I really don't have the time to read a book right now, something i really miss, i read alot of book, before baby came along.

[judy]

If you want to spend more time with him, you might want to somehow really work things out. You split up when you don't want the other person near you, or on the same planet!

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by HALEY

could you give me some highlights of the book? I really don't have the time to read a book right now, something i really miss, i read alot of book, before baby came along.

Basically the book explains how there are 5 different ways of feeling loved.

1. Words of Affirmation (telling you that you look great, that you did something wonderful, etc)

2. Gifts (receiving gifts)

3. Quality time (Time spent one on one with no interruptions)

4. Touch (being touched, holding hands, getting a massage from your loved one)

5. Acts of service (This is where you feel loved by the things that your spouse does. Such as mowing the yard or doing things around the house for you.)

My love language is Quality time. I long to have one-on-one with my husband without interruptions. (That's why I hate cell phones) Since he's read the book he knows what makes me feel loved. However his love language is Touch. I know that by touching him his "love tank" gets filled.

We were having a lot of problems before I read the book, enough that I was about to leave. Neither of us quite knew what was going on. I just knew that I didn't feel loved, like everything was more important that I was. When I got the book I cried through two of the chapters because they really spoke to what I was feeling. My husband isn't a reader and we were hardly communicating during that time, I ended up leaving the book next to the toilet when I was gone for the weekend. When I got home we had a discussion about the book and he read it. Things have been soooo much better! It really helped to turn our marriage around. At first he did ALL of the love languages!!! I would get a lot of little gifts from him and he spent a little extra time with me. Of course, it's not one sided, I have to do my part as well, but when we're getting along Touch is pretty easy to do.

The book has ideas on how to incorporate these in your life. It really is a very easy book to read. I'd send you mine but I can't find it, my husband probably loaned it out already. I really recommend that you get the book. Check on e-bay or on CBD.com. I suggest that you make some time and read this. It could really help your marriage. Good luck!

Here's a thread where he brought home a bunch of gifts.

http://www.4womentalk.com/forums/sho...hlight=bouquet

[katcarasella]

Hang in there Haley, a year from now you'll back on this as just a bad memory.
I'm keeping you and Micah in my prayers.

[HALEY]

Thanks guys, i'm trying, it is very hard, especially with a baby involved, and him working all this OT, were going to Florida the first week of May, my mother paid for most of it, since it will be her last vacation due to her health.
Hopefully we have so time to talk when we go on vacation.
I just can't take the fighting anymore, he still says he's moving out in June. Maybe this is what he needs time by himself to miss seeing his son everyday, maybe he'll spend more time with him. I'm not going to stop him if he wants his freedom.
I been praying everynight on this.. So well see what happens.
Thank you guys for the wonderful advice, i'm going to try and save my marriage, but if he has his mind set on leaving, there is really not much i can do at this point in my life but let him leave.