Jessie is mad at me, and there's nothing I can do!

[Mandy]

Come here, you need a big hug
My thoughts are with you!

[Janet]

Oh Judy, I know you're not needing advice, just venting, but I sure wish I could give you a big hug.

You and Jessie sound like my mom and me only in reverse. I hope it helped some by typing it all out. Sometimes I feel it's better than talking it out...because I can reread what I wrote.

I hope you continue to be you and not let anyone or anything change that...you're a great friend.

[DianaB]

I think that you've had a great plan all along. Moving close but not too close to your daughter is a well thought out plan. You can be there in a jiffy for anything major and pick when you think that you're needed to be there for the other times. It sounds like your daughter's felling the effects of MS right now and is tired of everything that she's dealing with and is taking it out on you. I say that you should stick to your plan. You thought it through when there wasn't any pressure and decided what would be best for you.

[judy]

Originally Posted by DianaB

I think that you've had a great plan all along. Moving close but not too close to your daughter is a well thought out plan. You can be there in a jiffy for anything major and pick when you think that you're needed to be there for the other times. It sounds like your daughter's felling the effects of MS right now and is tired of everything that she's dealing with and is taking it out on you. I say that you should stick to your plan. You thought it through when there wasn't any pressure and decided what would be best for you.

Thank you all for your support!

Diana, I know she's feeling especially overwhelmed right now, and I should just take it as that, but she pushed some buttons. I'm so tired of her thinking that I don't do enough. It really hurts and then it turns intro anger on my part.

She also has a history of not calling me for a long time after one of us gets angry at the other, and I'm so scared that she'll go another 3 years. She's
also supposed to come into Manhattan tomorrow to the doctor and I was going to meet her in the city.

I really do need all of your hugs!

[Chandra Amaya]

Originally Posted by judy

Thank you all for your support!

Diana, I know she's feeling especially overwhelmed right now, and I should just take it as that, but she pushed some buttons. I'm so tired of her thinking that I don't do enough. It really hurts and then it turns intro anger on my part.

She also has a history of not calling me for a long time after one of us gets angry at the other, and I'm so scared that she'll go another 3 years. She's
also supposed to come into Manhattan tomorrow to the doctor and I was going to meet her in the city.

I really do need all of your hugs!

You know, it sounds to me like she may be having trouble accepting the changes and/or limitation the MS is putting on her. It is very common for people to be angry and take it out on those who love them the most. I'm so sorry Judy.

[teri88]

awww, you poor thing! Do NOT let her guilt you for living your own life. I'm afraid she would really take advantage of you if you lived closer and that is just not right. You've raised your children and there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself....you've earned it. I'm sorry your daughter has MS, that really sucks, but it doesn't mean you have to drop everything and wait on her hand and foot. I hope it all works out for you!

[DianaB]

{{{{{{Judy}}}}}}

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by teri88

awww, you poor thing! Do NOT let her guilt you for living your own life. I'm afraid she would really take advantage of you if you lived closer and that is just not right. You've raised your children and there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself....you've earned it. I'm sorry your daughter has MS, that really sucks, but it doesn't mean you have to drop everything and wait on her hand and foot. I hope it all works out for you!

Very well said!

Judy, you are an amazing woman and a great mother. It is evident in your posts how much you love your daughter and she is lucky to have you in her life, no matter how close or far away you are! I think it's great that you aren't going to let her take advantage of you, but you will still be close enough to be there if she does truly need you. Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself! (HUGS)

[Tink]

{{{Judy}}} I fully agree with the others. I know if she really needs you, you'll be there in a heartbeat. It's not fair of her to expect you to give up your life for her though. Having MS sucks, but your being there isn't going to bring it on or make it go away. Just do what you're comfortable doing and she will have to accept that.

[Taurus Babe]

Hugs to you Judy. You are in a tough situation. In the end someone will always be unhappy. I think 1.5 is a great distance, she's lucky to have you that close!! Obviously, my opinion isn't your daughters, but I hope she finds some peace in your decision, and I hope you can too....

[judy]

I'm so mad and hurt, I'm ready to spit fire! Jessie called this morning, which I was very relieved about. However, the discussion that we had did not turn out very well.

To make a long story very short - she feels that if I don't move near her and help her and the children, because she has MS, then I don't love her enough. She's offering me so much - to be a part of her life and her family's life - to be a hands-on Grandma instead of somebody who just visits. So what if I don't have a pool. Look what I'll be getting. I can come and pick Mackenzie up and take her to the library if Jessie needs to go lie down.

I told her that this has been a lifelong problem between us, and that she has always felt that way. I told her that she got the wrong mother and that I'm so tired of hearing about how I don't give her what she needs. I said that this is who I am, and always was, and that maybe it's time that she just stopped looking at her own expectations and see me for who I really am, and to love me for that.

I also told her that she cannot say that I don't love her enough - how does she know what I feel? Don't base my feelings on her expectations or what she would do.


I also asked her what would happen to our relationship if I decide not to move near her"? She won't end the relationship, but she'll be very hurt. It will mean that I don't love her enough because I'm not willing to sacrifice. All she wants me to do is to take my time and think about what she's asking me to do. She feels that our relationship has not worked in the past because of this issue and that I should change. I asked her why doesn't she change? She wants to, but can't.

Okay - I believe that this is how she feels. I also don't want that kind of relationship with her. I'll become her maid. How dare she tell me "so what if you don't have a pool?" She bought the house of her dreams.

I'm way too young at heart to live the kind of life she has in mind for me. I have and want my own life, my own time, my own choices, freedom and privacy. I do not want to become part of any body's life and family when they can say to me that if i don't, I don't love her enough, and so what if I don't have a pool.

I feel like telling her to forget the whole thing and that I'm staying right here where I live now.

Oh and she told me that id I move 1 1/2 hours away from her, I might as well move to North Carolina.

Sorry about the crazy typing, but my mouse broke.

[Janet]

Judy...I'm sorry she's behaving this way. I was going to say it's probably the MS, but you've said it's always been this way. I think you've made your plans and should stick to them. You are way to young to be a maid, nurse, babysitter..etc. You have a life too. It doesn't mean you don't love her....it could be turned around the other way....if she loved you, she'd want you happy. You've had your plans pretty much figured out...do what's best for you, even if it's staying where you are for awhile.

[Chandra Amaya]

if she loved you, she'd want you happy. (quote by Janet) ((the quote thingy didn't work for me))

Exactly!

[katcarasella]

I hope this helps you today Judy.

[Gina]

Your a wonderful mother , always remember that.