Joke of the Day

[katcarasella]

~Friday~May 16th~Jokes~

When I become old

When I'm a little old lady, then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy.

To repay all I've had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door.

I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed. And whenever they scold me, I'll hang my head.

I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away ..... the time to be spent doing chores every day.

I'll pester my children when they are on the phone. As long as they're busy I won't leave them alone.

Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer ... and never pick up what I drop on the floor.

Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish. I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish.

I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor. As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more.

When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry, kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.

I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then .. when they buy new ones, I'll take them again.

I'll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal .... Eat my banana and just drop the peel.

Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor. I'll break lots of dishes as though I were four.

What fun I shall have, what joy it will be to Live with my children....just the way that they lived with me!

[Janet]

That was cute..

[Tink]

A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his apartment.

She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom,
with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy
to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his sensitive side,
but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,
after awhile, she finds herself thinking,

"Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each others
clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
"Well, how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes, and says:


"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"

[Chandra Amaya]

lol I have seen this before but forgot the punchline. Such a man thing to say!

[Janet]

Well I hope the heck he has a high voice now!!!

[katcarasella]

~Saturday~May 17th~Joke

Husbands Faults

Husbands have only 2:

Everything they say and everything they do.

Husband: "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"

Wife: "No problem. I'll get you some that is."

You really have to feel sorry for husbands.

They were given a brain and reproductive machinery but only enough blood to run one at a time.

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by katcarasella

~Saturday~May 17th~Joke

They were given a brain and reproductive machinery but only enough blood to run one at a time.

Don't tell my husband that I laughed at this one!!!

Tink, I loved your joke too!!! I wondered what those teddy bears were for!!!

[katcarasella]

Sunday~May 18th~Joke


The teacher asked the children in her Sunday School class,

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

Again, the answer was "NO!"

"Well," she continued, "then how can I get to heaven?"

In the back of the room, a five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"