Joke of the Day

[katcarasella]

Sunday~May 25th~Jokes

Letters to a Pastor . . .

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert, Age 11, Anderson.

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly,
Annette. Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher.
Thank you.
Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph, Age 11, Akron

[Forgivenmom5]

This is great Kat. My neighbor and I were saying yesterday, maybe we all need to be more like kids. They are usually honest and say what they think.

[katcarasella]

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of our skating rinks.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Do you know?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on the "Start" button?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains.
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? (What a silly question!)
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

[Janet]

So funny! I love these!

[judy]

Subject: DON'T MESS WITH BROOKLYN GIRLS




> Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had
> given their new wives duties.
>
> The first man had married a woman from Illinois and had told her

> that she was going to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a
> couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house
and dishes washed and put away.
>
> The second man had married a woman from Michigan. He had given
> his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the
> cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he
> saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the
> dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
>
> The third man had married a beautiful girl from Brooklyn, New
> York. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned,
> dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table
> for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the
> second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the
> swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye,
enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
--

[Forgivenmom5]

Goiod one Judy. Go Brooklyn girls!!

[DianaB]

I've heard that one before and I still get a laugh out of it!!!! Thanks, Judy!!!!