sexless relationships

[DianaB]

Medicines do make a difference so you might want to check them first for any problems. I know that I've had medicine affect me like that and I changed meds.

I know that for me if we're not getting along I don't get in the "mood" either. I don't want to make love to someone that I'm upset with.

I think that Elaine gave some pretty good advice and I agree with her. A good counselor may be in order for you two.

[Janet]

Looks like Elaine and Diana have the answers here. Very good advice. If his answer is true..well, it would be hard to want to be with someone that you fight with all the time.

[DianaB]

Haley, something else you might want to think about is........your little boy takes a lot of your time and energy. Are you sitting aside some time for your husband as well. We like to think that they're grownups and that they understand that babies need a lot of care and our time, but husband's are more selfish than that. They like that time too. They like knowing that for a change they come before the baby does. In other words, they like to be babied too.

My husband was so green with envy when I got Reuger. We weren't getting along the best and he was so jealous of the attention that the dog was getting. It still annoys my husband when he's is paying attention to me and I pick Reuger up and put him on my lap. I've learned to ignore Reuger and make my husband feel special too. I think that the same can be said for men and babies. It's not that he doesn't love your son, it's just that your husband wants your undivided attention. Give it a try and see what happens.

[HALEY]

Originally Posted by DianaB

Haley, something else you might want to think about is........your little boy takes a lot of your time and energy. Are you sitting aside some time for your husband as well. We like to think that they're grownups and that they understand that babies need a lot of care and our time, but husband's are more selfish than that. They like that time too. They like knowing that for a change they come before the baby does. In other words, they like to be babied too.

My husband was so green with envy when I got Reuger. We weren't getting along the best and he was so jealous of the attention that the dog was getting. It still annoys my husband when he's is paying attention to me and I pick Reuger up and put him on my lap. I've learned to ignore Reuger and make my husband feel special too. I think that the same can be said for men and babies. It's not that he doesn't love your son, it's just that your husband wants your undivided attention. Give it a try and see what happens.

I would give him attention if he would help me with the baby after work and not sit on his butt and watch tv or drink beer.. that might help... He's just lazy and he's getting worse... Like back in Feb. we got new doors for the house, and one of them are still in the box, but if one of his friends call and need something he is out the door in a heartbeat and i don't think its fair, im busting my ass off to make our home look nice and he does nothing to try and help me... i use all MY extra money (bonuses) on the house,, and he don't appreciate it.. i should of left him in his crappy apartment with the lifestyle he had running to the bars everyday spending his paychecks....

[teri88]

awww, Haley I'm so sorry you are going through this. Was your husband like this before you had the baby, or is this a new behavior? Maybe he is overwhelmed by the thought of fatherhood. Some men also can't see their wives as a sexual partner after watching them give birth.

I know you say you don't have the time or interest in counseling, but I encourage you to rethink that. You married this man only 2 years ago....you must have loved him then. For the sake of your son, you need to work very, very hard to save your marriage. If you can't go for counseling right now, let me suggest an exercise that I learned from a parenting class I took years ago.

EVERY day you need to write down 3 things you admire or love about your husband. You don't have to share it with anyone, just write it down. Then, whenever you have a negative thought about him, you immediately replace it in your mind with a positive one. With the way you are feeling right now, it won't be easy in the begining. But you will be surprised how quickly it will become second nature.

You can't change him, but you can change how YOU feel about what is going on. Marriages go in cycles, you are juggling a child, a home and a job. (and I know Michal has been sick lately too) Try to take some couples time. Hire a babysitter and get out of that house with him. If you can't afford a babysitter then find a friend willing to swap sitting time. You don't have to do anything expensive. Take a walk in a park. Go for an ice cream cone. Go sit inside the church you were married in. Just do it together and do it often......no kids allowed.

The library is full of books with suggestions on how to improve your relationship. Don't give up yet. It will be worth all of the effort I know it will!

[HALEY]

Thanks Terri, it started right after we got married and found out i was pregnant!
Then the family came into the picture and there just terrible pushy people that wanted to rule my life and family, and i put my foot down after a year of there abuse and them telling me how to raise my son.
Lately he's been helping with with things, but the last couple of months he's gone down hill again, it's a fight everytime i even ask him to take out the garbage or even cut the grass, i actually have to tell him to cut the grass, That sould not be my job... he could see the grass needs cut.. He use to wash my truck he don't even do that anymore, i'm stuck with everything, he invites his friends over and they sit outside all night and drink beer. It's overwhelming to me.. i have a job and house a baby and two dogs to take care of, plus i have to pick up after him.
He cooked himself dinner last night around 9 when we were sleeping and you should have seen the kitchen this morning, and i had to clean it up before work..
I didn't even eat dinner last night. its just not fair....

[teri88]

Sounds like he needs an intervention! It sucks to have "two children" I'm sure. Maybe you need to use some tough love. Leave his mess in the kitchen and let him clean it up when he gets home. Don't pick up after him. Let the garbage stay in the kitchen, just start a new bag. Maybe, just maybe he'll catch on. Sounds like he is looking at you as "mommy" and not just to Micah! I'm really sorry you are going through this. Some guys never do grow up unfortunately.