![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|
![]() |
#1 |
Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Neosho, Missouri
Posts: 204
|
This is a very touchy subject for me bc Im going through it right now but in a different way then you are explaining. (this could be long)
Ive been with my hubby for a total of 5 1/2 years and weve been married for a little over a year. Well last year around christmas time, my brother in law met this girl...my bil is 23 and she was 19 at the time. Well she had a little girl already that was 1 at the time but she is now 2. Well Amber (my bil's girlfriend) ended up getting pregnant just shortly after they started dating. Well me and my hubby dont have children yet (we are only 21) so this will be the first grandbaby on my husbands side of the family. Well I have noticed a HUGE change in my mother in law since she found out that she was going to be a grandma for the first time. Let me go back to when Amber found out that she was first pregnant. They were at MY house and she told me that her and Kevin were goign to have a baby, and how she is soooo excited bc this will be the first grandbaby for his side of the family, and the first grandbaby is the most important ![]() Also last Sunday we were at my inlaws house and my mother in law bought them a stroller/carseat combo and they were putting it together. Well my mother in law told my brother in law that when they were done using it for their baby, to make sure to keep it so that I could have when I have a baby someday!!! I almost cried bc here she is spending 100's of dollars on the "first" grandbaby and she is already talking about giving me nothing but hand me downs. Dont get me wrong I dont think there is anything wrong with hand me downs I just think its unfair for her to be treating me like this when I dont even have kids yet. Ok and one more thing....(sorry its so long I told you this was a touchy subject for me) When me and Adam got married his family did not give me one bridal shower or a bachelorette party or anything of that sort. And now they are giving Amber this really nice baby shower next weekend. My feelings are so hurt over this and I'm not going to the baby shower bc of this reason! I have cried and cried over this whole situation. Will you guys tell me if I am being selfish about all of this. Im really hurt about it all ![]()
__________________
Heather |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#2 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 283
|
Quote:
![]() |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#3 |
Moderator
Donating 4WT 18K Club Member |
I just get so upset when I hear of favortism among children. Bless their hearts, it stays with them for life and it just breaks my heart. This should never be allowed to happen in families, sports, school, anywhere. They are all special and we as adults need to make sure they feel that way...I know, with some it takes a little extra effort, but they are going to be leading us one day and we'd better do something about it now.
__________________
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1 |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#4 | |
Donating 4WT 4000 Club Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Who cares!
Posts: 4,587
|
Quote:
I agree with you 100% A child never ever forgets, it stays with them and it's hard to shake it off, ive been there and still am, and it's a lousy feeling! ![]() I can't even favour one of my fur kids over the other, it's just not fair, and would hate to hurt anyones feelings!!
__________________
![]() ![]() |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#5 |
Moderator
Donating 4WT 18K Club Member |
I agree with you too, Mandy. Put on that brave face and attend the shower. My situation was a little different in the fact I couldn't conceive. All those baby showers were so hard on me, but if and when the Good Lord blessed me with a child (and he did) I wanted them to be sincerely happy for me too.
__________________
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1 |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#6 | |
Donating 4WT 4000 Club Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Who cares!
Posts: 4,587
|
Quote:
I'm sorry you are hurting, i totally understand you!! BUT, do YOURSELF a favour girl, and do go to that baby shower, as aweful as you feel about this all, if you don't go, you most probably will never hear the end of it! Show them that you are fine, put on a smile and be ever so happy, make her feel like she is the most important mother out there, you won't regret doing this i promise, sometimes we are forced to use reverse psychology for our own benefit ![]()
__________________
![]() ![]() |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#7 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 482
|
Quote:
I have typed and erased 4 seperate times and I'm hoping this won't be #5! Do I think you're being selfish? No, I don't at all. You have had this baby "thrown" in your face since it was first announced she was pregnant - she's "bragged and boasted" about this being the first grandchild, in-laws are bending over backwards to help her and do things for her, while you are sitting on the sidelines watching. Have the tried to include you in anything during the pregnancy other than to ask when you were having one? Maybe if they had been more thoughtful and included you in things, you might not feel as you do right now. And maybe, just maybe, your heart is speaking to you that the relationship may not last another year or two despite the fact they will have a child to link them together for the rest of their lives. If they split, she'll take the child with her and could very possibly make it difficult for the father and the in-laws to see him/her. I'm just guessing and having rambling thoughts on the situation. I do not blame you at all for your feelings. As for hand-me-downs, no one wants ALL hand-me-downs with their first baby, whether it's the 2nd grandchild or the 10th - you do want some new things for the new baby! Even though I kept all of TJ's clothes in case we had another boy (which we did), I still bought new outfits and toys for Taylor. You deserve nothing less when the time comes that you and your husband decide to start a family. And the decision on when to start is between the two of you, no one else. Trust me - enjoy life together as husband and wife, do things the two of you want to do, go places together, or just enjoy being with one another before you have kids - kids are a life changing addition to the family and you need to enter that phase of your life ready and with no regrets for not having done things as a couple before the baby arrived. Gosh, I hope this rambling I've done makes some sort of sense!!!!
__________________
Suzi "Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been"....Jimmy Buffett |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#8 | |
Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Neosho, Missouri
Posts: 204
|
Quote:
Thank you so much for your response you have hit alot of things right on! This girl does not, and I repeat does not take care of her child that she has now, she just wants someone to take care of her and her baby and unfortunatly my BIL got trapped into this! All my inlaws do is talk constantly about this baby and I understand that they are excited but I have had enough of it! Amber is going to let anyone and everyone in that birthing room when this baby is born, infact my sister in law is going to cut the babies cord so....they all keep saying to me that when I have a baby they all better get to be in my birthing room too. So its put alot of pressure on my part! And I dont even have kids yet. And my mother in law got to go to the first ultrasound and you are only allowed to have 2 people in there. So it was Kevin (my brother in law) and my mother in law in there bc her mom couldnt attend. So the first thing my mother in law said to me was I better get to go to your ultrasound when you have a baby! Well what about my mom??? She will want to be there. I could go on and on but I will stop boring you guys! I dont think they will be together for much longer, shes already left him twice and came back. She doesnt know what she wants!
__________________
Heather |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#9 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 482
|
Quote:
![]()
__________________
Suzi "Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been"....Jimmy Buffett |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#10 | |
Moderator
Donating 4WT 18K Club Member |
Quote:
WOW, that's some great advice..... ![]() ![]()
__________________
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1 |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#11 |
Moderator
Donating 4WT 13K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Kansas
Posts: 16,069
|
My MIL has her favorites too. It's very hurtful for my children. They're not very close to her at all and she just lives down the road from all of us. She has 2 daughters and 3 sons. The daughters all live away from her (one in a different state) and the sons all live very close by. Her favorites are her daughter's children. I used to have a problem with it but I decided that she is the one who is missing out on my children's lives.
She even told me this about one of her little grandsons... that there "has never been a child loved as much as he is!!" My mouth dropped open and I know that she saw the expression on my face! Of course she started trying to make things better, but it was too late. He is a darling little boy and a joy to be around, but to actually let something like this actually be said was pretty tacky, in my opinion. I have 5 grandchildren and would NEVER treat any one any differently than the others!!! My MIL has several issues in her life that I don't agree with. I've learned to keep my distance and to not hold on to any hurtful things that she does. As I said, I know that she's the one that's missing out and someday she's going to regret it.
__________________
*´¨) ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Diana Baker ✞ You and I are friends.......
Always remember that if you fall I will pick you up...... After I stop laughing!!! |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#12 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,367
|
That's happened in our family. One of my husbands sisters passed away a few years ago and left 2 girls under the age of 3. Needless to say they got everything. That's ok. But now they are 14 and 12 and are spoiled little brats.
They talk back and bad mouth everyone. But Grandma still thinks they are little angels. We just stay away and only get together with them when we have to. ![]()
__________________
The real measure of a woman's wealth is what she has invested in eternity. ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#13 | |
Moderator
Donating 4WT 18K Club Member |
Quote:
I can't believe they are that old already. ![]()
__________________
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1 |
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#14 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 258
|
We deal with the favoritism too, only instead of my mom favoring one of my kids, she actually favors my cousins kids. My mom is always babysitting for my cousin if she has a doctors appointment or if she just needs "time alone". My cousin is expecting baby #6 and it is a very high risk pregnancy and she has a control freak husband who will only trust my mom to watch their kids. So everytime they need a sitter, they call my mom. My mom never tells them no. My mom seems to forget that my cousins kids aren't her grandkids. She plays the grandma role for my cousins kids more than she does mine.
Now my Aunt, who is the real grandma, comes down on occassion to see her grandkids and she always makes a point of visiting us too. My cousin used to live 5 miles away...she has since moved...but my mom would be at her house everyday to visit and when she got home she would call me and say, "Oh I just got back from Amberly's. She needed someone to talk to." My mom is there for my cousin in everyway possible, which usually means she is unavailable to me. We will call and invite them over or ask them if they could keep the kids so we can go out and have a "date night" but it is usually, "We have Amberly's kids right now" or "well I promised Amberly I would come over." Then once when my hubby and I were having some issues my mom said "you guys should make time for yourselves without the kids around. Go on a datenight or something." I told her "we would like to, but we can't afford a sitter for 4 kids and you're always watching Amberly's kids so it makes it hard to have a datenight without a sitter." Her reply was "That's true." Last year my daughter was crowned Princess of our local fall festival. We were so proud of her! Immediately after her crowning my parents took off for my cousins house. They didn't even congratulate her. I figured they watched her crowning, that was better than nothing, but Katie was hurt that they didn't stick around and celebrate with her. My Aunt did though! She took the kids down to play games and win prizes and bought them funnel cake. I will never understand WHY people have favorites. |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
#15 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 258
|
oh and I should add, my cousin and her husband bought a house one block away from my mother so they see eachother everyday. We live 11 miles away.
|
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
Bookmarks |
|
|