Divorces

[Passionfruition]

Divorce is sad, no matter the circumstance...

But contagious? Seriously?!

When I went through my divorce, most of my friends were young married couples from church...and they just stopped calling, stopped hanging out, even stopped acknowledging me in the church hallways. Once good friends, who all the sudden avoided me. I always said I guessed they thought I had the divorce disease.

That's SO short sighted. Please don't be one of those people. Divorce hurts, and treating divorcees like they're contagious makes the hurt worse.

[DianaB]

What I meant by saying that divorce is contagious is that if I'm best friends with someone and she and her husband are having problems and she's complaining about her marriage then I'm likely to complain about my marriage too. It makes me look at my marriage differently. I've know women who were good friends that have gotten divorced about the same time.

I didn't mean that as friends we should avoid people who are getting a divorce. We do have to safe guard our marriages so we don't join in and think that we're unhappy too.

Val, I'm sorry that your friends didn't support you during that time. Please don't think that I was telling people to avoid those that are going through divorces because that isn't what I meant at all.

[Tiramisu]

Do you think TV, movies, and/or talk shows have anything to do marriage decline? I just feel that some people put more effort into shafting their spouse in a divorce than they did in the marriage. Terry did and does most of the caretaking of the boys and Heather just wants to spend the money. Her latest thing on stalling the divorce is that she wants him to pay her medical insurance. She's keeping him on the string as long as she can because he's paying her house rent ($1800) until the divorce is final.

[Janet]

I don't know Sandy if it has helped with the decline, but I think it makes everyone think it's so easy with no one getting hurt...and that's bull.

[blowry]

Originally Posted by Passionfruition

Divorce is sad, no matter the circumstance...

But contagious? Seriously?!

When I went through my divorce, most of my friends were young married couples from church...and they just stopped calling, stopped hanging out, even stopped acknowledging me in the church hallways. Once good friends, who all the sudden avoided me. I always said I guessed they thought I had the divorce disease.

That's SO short sighted. Please don't be one of those people. Divorce hurts, and treating divorcees like they're contagious makes the hurt worse.

I agree....I was married to a local man/boy, for 19 years (was with him for 4 before we married). Where we were from the same town people knew both of us. He was an abusive alcoholic and I felt after 19 yrs it was time for me to leave. My girls were 18 yrs and 14 yrs old. It was very very hard on them. Even though I was the one that wanted to divorce, it was the hardest thing I had ever done..I just couldn't take it anymore. Of course I didn't go around telling people what went on in my house and, when I finally asked him to leave my "friends" (I use that term loosely) were not there for me. Some were but, most of them walked away from me. A really "good friend's" (I thought I had) husband wouldn't let her visit me or even talk to me on the phone..... When you go through something like this you find out who your true friends are and....they aren't always who you think.

[judy]

Originally Posted by blowry

I agree....I was married to a local man/boy, for 19 years (was with him for 4 before we married). Where we were from the same town people knew both of us. He was an abusive alcoholic and I felt after 19 yrs it was time for me to leave. My girls were 18 yrs and 14 yrs old. It was very very hard on them. Even though I was the one that wanted to divorce, it was the hardest thing I had ever done..I just couldn't take it anymore. Of course I didn't go around telling people what went on in my house and, when I finally asked him to leave my "friends" (I use that term ldoo oosely) were not there for me. Some were but, most of them walked away from me. A really "good friend's" (I thought I had) husband wouldn't let her visit me or even talk to me on the phone..... When you go through something like this you find out who your true friends are and....they aren't always who you think.

I know what you mean when you say "it was the hardest thing I had ever done."

I also asked him to leave and it broke my heart to do that to him. My first ex left me and it was just easier. It wasn't easy, just easier.

I lost a lot of friends like you Val and Brenda. I felt that some of the females who I thought were my friends did not want their husbands near me. I was that lonely, vulnerable, divorced woman who would (in their minds) go with anyone out of desperation. Yeah, like that would ever happen! Although, quite a few of the husbands in our group did come to visit me without their wives along. Some men are pigs.

You do find out the true nature of people at a time like that.

I do, however, find that most of my married friends are in very good marriages now. I think you have something there Diana. I don't think it really pertains to divorce only, but if you surround yourself with positive people, you will also be a positive person and vice versa.