Growing Pains....

Janet · 10-07-2006, 04:53 AM

Kimberley, I think, since you're friends with the other mother and you've already talked, that it is time to get the two girls together with their mothers present. Even if there are tears, maybe that is what this other girl needs to see in order to understand how hurtful her actions are. It would have to be not confrontational, but ask the other girl if your daughter has done something to have her treat her this way. Then the ball is rolling. If things start to slow down, then encourage your daughter by saying, "well you have said this happened, why not ask her about that." Have the girls tell what they like about each other and what they don't. You may get a clue as to the real problem by asking that question. Have the girls talk with each other with both mothers there to keep things moving, but not interfering. This will also teach the girls to talk about their problems not only with each other but with others as well.

These years are so hard for our kids and it is so heartbreaking. If nothing is settled or things don't get better then it is time for your daughter to move on to bigger and better things...and friends.

Kimberley · 10-07-2006, 07:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

Kimberley, I think, since you're friends with the other mother and you've already talked, that it is time to get the two girls together with their mothers present. Even if there are tears, maybe that is what this other girl needs to see in order to understand how hurtful her actions are. It would have to be not confrontational, but ask the other girl if your daughter has done something to have her treat her this way. Then the ball is rolling. If things start to slow down, then encourage your daughter by saying, "well you have said this happened, why not ask her about that." Have the girls tell what they like about each other and what they don't. You may get a clue as to the real problem by asking that question. Have the girls talk with each other with both mothers there to keep things moving, but not interfering. This will also teach the girls to talk about their problems not only with each other but with others as well.

These years are so hard for our kids and it is so heartbreaking. If nothing is settled or things don't get better then it is time for your daughter to move on to bigger and better things...and friends.

Thanks, Janet! I SOOOO agree!!!

RLC12345678 · 10-09-2006, 08:20 AM

I have a 16 year old sister and she ALWAYS calls me crying over this type of drama. I always tell her that all her friends are immature and that Haley just needs to kill everyone with kindness. I tell her that even though these girls may "seem" like they are her best friends, when she grows up, she will probably never talk to them again. I am not friends with anyone I went to high school with anymore. I tell her that even though it is hard, kill everyone with kindness. Brush it off. Try not to take anything anyone says too seriously. THey obviously have personal issues they need to take care of. Tell your daughter these things and tell her that these girls DO NOT MATTER. She needs to know that her FAMILY are the ones that will always be there for her...not these girls...so try not to take them too seriously. Be kind. If she is kind, it will be VERY VERY hard for other people to be mean to her. Tell her not to stoop to their level of he said/she said. Tell her to be the bigger person. That is what I've always told me sister and it seems to really help. She really doesn't care anymore about what people say. In a few years, she won't ever talk to them again anyway.

SweetCuteness · 10-09-2006, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

Kimberley, I think, since you're friends with the other mother and you've already talked, that it is time to get the two girls together with their mothers present. Even if there are tears, maybe that is what this other girl needs to see in order to understand how hurtful her actions are. It would have to be not confrontational, but ask the other girl if your daughter has done something to have her treat her this way. Then the ball is rolling. If things start to slow down, then encourage your daughter by saying, "well you have said this happened, why not ask her about that." Have the girls tell what they like about each other and what they don't. You may get a clue as to the real problem by asking that question. Have the girls talk with each other with both mothers there to keep things moving, but not interfering. This will also teach the girls to talk about their problems not only with each other but with others as well.

These years are so hard for our kids and it is so heartbreaking. If nothing is settled or things don't get better then it is time for your daughter to move on to bigger and better things...and friends.

Janet, great advice!

You're good! Maybe you were meant to be a psychologist.

Necee419 · 10-09-2006, 02:15 PM

Kimberley, I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. I remember when things like this happened to me as a young girl. You feel like your life is over. The best thing you can do is continue to be supportive of her. My mom always used to make me feel better by telling me how great I was and so much better than the girl who was causing me trouble. The upside to these kinds of dramas is that they usually blow over quickly, as soon as some new gossip story emerges and lots of times the girls make up. I hope your daughter is feeling better. Those other girls are just jealous of her. It sounds like she is a kind hearted, good girl and she will grow up to be a kind hearted and good person. Unfortunately, i can't say the same thing about those other little brats!!

10-07-2006, 04:53 AM	#1
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,625	Kimberley, I think, since you're friends with the other mother and you've already talked, that it is time to get the two girls together with their mothers present. Even if there are tears, maybe that is what this other girl needs to see in order to understand how hurtful her actions are. It would have to be not confrontational, but ask the other girl if your daughter has done something to have her treat her this way. Then the ball is rolling. If things start to slow down, then encourage your daughter by saying, "well you have said this happened, why not ask her about that." Have the girls tell what they like about each other and what they don't. You may get a clue as to the real problem by asking that question. Have the girls talk with each other with both mothers there to keep things moving, but not interfering. This will also teach the girls to talk about their problems not only with each other but with others as well. These years are so hard for our kids and it is so heartbreaking. If nothing is settled or things don't get better then it is time for your daughter to move on to bigger and better things...and friends. __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

10-09-2006, 08:20 AM	#3
RLC12345678 4WT 500 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,614	I have a 16 year old sister and she ALWAYS calls me crying over this type of drama. I always tell her that all her friends are immature and that Haley just needs to kill everyone with kindness. I tell her that even though these girls may "seem" like they are her best friends, when she grows up, she will probably never talk to them again. I am not friends with anyone I went to high school with anymore. I tell her that even though it is hard, kill everyone with kindness. Brush it off. Try not to take anything anyone says too seriously. THey obviously have personal issues they need to take care of. Tell your daughter these things and tell her that these girls DO NOT MATTER. She needs to know that her FAMILY are the ones that will always be there for her...not these girls...so try not to take them too seriously. Be kind. If she is kind, it will be VERY VERY hard for other people to be mean to her. Tell her not to stoop to their level of he said/she said. Tell her to be the bigger person. That is what I've always told me sister and it seems to really help. She really doesn't care anymore about what people say. In a few years, she won't ever talk to them again anyway. __________________ Rebecca "To whom much is given, much is expected." ~Luke 12:48

10-09-2006, 02:15 PM	#5
Necee419 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Bronx, NY Posts: 283	Kimberley, I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. I remember when things like this happened to me as a young girl. You feel like your life is over. The best thing you can do is continue to be supportive of her. My mom always used to make me feel better by telling me how great I was and so much better than the girl who was causing me trouble. The upside to these kinds of dramas is that they usually blow over quickly, as soon as some new gossip story emerges and lots of times the girls make up. I hope your daughter is feeling better. Those other girls are just jealous of her. It sounds like she is a kind hearted, good girl and she will grow up to be a kind hearted and good person. Unfortunately, i can't say the same thing about those other little brats!!

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