Repairing a Friendship

[SweetCuteness]

Originally Posted by Janet

This is a very hard situation I think so I'm going to try and go one paragraph at a time. Remember that it is always okay to agree to disagree. Even if you do not agree with her life or lifestyle choices...she was your friend. If you were trying to change her into believing the way you do...then you were in the wrong. IF her or her childrens lives were in danger, then yes...you could repeatedly let her know, but in the end, it's her life. Opinions are great....when asked for. That's one thing I always try to remember...and believe me it's easier said than done.

We can't know what truly goes on behind closed doors. He may have been a cheater, may still be...when she has had enough...she'll know it, hopefully. No comments from you or anyone else will really matter to her. We want what is best for our friends, but if things turned out bad because the took our advice, where would that leave the friendship. It's best to say what/how we feel ONCE, then it is their decision.

Kids do need structure, you're right there. As long as they were in your home, they needed to follow your rules. I feel that you, as her friend should have told her the kids needed to go to bed, not your husband. She is your friend. If she wasn't willing to comply with your wishes and rules, then help in getting her home would have been in order.

I would have been worried too about Max after having dropped off Bay. But considering you knew her home life before hand, no matter how close you were with each other...I would never have let her have one of my puppies. But that is in the past now, you have him back. Life lesson...find better homes for puppies, should be a high priority and with a lot of thought.

If you miss her, let her know. She doesn't have to be welcome in your home to be your friend. Lunches, evenings out, whatever...can still build a wonderful friendship. Your husband would rather not be around her and that's his choice, but he should never be allowed to pick your friends. Honor his request that she not come to your home, but he should also honor your feelings in wanting to maintain the friendship. Communication is so key here.

I hope in some way, the friendship can continue, but it will have to have boundaries. We can't change our friends nor should we want to, we accept the things we love about them and try to overlook the things we disagree with.

GREAT suggestions, Janet! You give some awesome advice.

[Willow]

Thanks for the advice ladies. I do really appreciate it. For now I am letting things be.

Also, I think I may have caused some confusion. I had told her kids to go to bed first, and I had laid out the rules before she came over, and it was only after her kids had ignored me that my husband told them to go to bed.

As for her husband, I let that go after I gave my advice to her, and she kept throwing it back to me. I had known he had cheated for two weeks before he told her. I only admitted that I had known when she confronted me about it. I didn't feel it was my place to tell her.

I think that at this point, I am willing to let her know I miss her, but there has been a lot less drama since I haven't had contact with her.

Thank you everyone, for the great advice and insight. and i am sorry I haven't replied...had some computer troubles this week and had to get a new tower. LOL

[rivermom]

Letting go of a long time friendship is like going through a divorce. Not only is it painful, the other emotions that follow are at times extreamely difficult.

One of my friendships of over twenty years is recently over. It's been so horribly difficult and I do miss her. But...right now I feel it's best that we are apart for many reasons.

Friendships like marriages take work. They can never be taken advantage of or ignored.

I hope everything works out with you and the choices you make regarding your girlfriend. I personally can relate to what you are going through and realize how difficult this is on you. I don't really have much advise for you but do want you to know that if you follow your heart I bet you will know what is best for the two of you.