Mamograms.....

[DianaB]

Ode to a Mammogram:

For years and years they told me, “Be careful of your breasts."

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, and give them monthly tests.



So, I heeded all their warnings.....and protected them by law....

Guarded them very carefully, and always wore a bra.



After 10 years of careful care, the doctor found a lump.

He ordered up a mammogram to look inside that clump.



"Stand up very close," the nurse said, as she got my tit in line,

"And tell me when it hurts," she said. "Ah, yes....that's just fine."



She stepped upon a pedal....I could not believe my eyes,

A plastic plate was pressing down....My boob was in a vice....



My skin was stretched and stretched from way up by my chin,

And my poor tit was being squashed to Swedish pancake thing......



Excruciating pain I felt, within it's vice-like grip,

A prisoner in this vicious thing.....My poor defenseless tit......



"Take a deep breath" she said to me. Who does she think she's kidding?

My chest is smashed in her machine, I can't breathe and woozy I am getting!



"There, that was good" I heard her say, as the room was slowly swaying.

"Now let's get the other one."........"Lord have mercy," I was praying.



It squeezed me from the up and down, it squeezed me from both sides,

I'll bet she never has this done to HER tender little hide.



If I had no problem when I first came in, I surely have one now......

If there had been a cyst in there, it would have popped Ker-Pow!



This machine was made by a MAN, of this I have no doubt.....

I'd like to get his balls in there.....for months he'd go WITHOUT!

Author Unknown

[Tiramisu]

All are so true!

[Janet]

Oh Diana....you made my day.....hilarious!!!

[Blueyes]

Those were really funny!! Makes me look SO forward to my mammogram next week

[Gina]

Diana

[DianaB]

Originally Posted by Blueyes

Those were really funny!! Makes me look SO forward to my mammogram next week

Read post #2 to prepare yourself!!!!!! I had a friend that had a list like this once but I thought that it had more things on it, but I couldn't find it.

Actually I had a good experience, the girl that ran the machine was a friend from church and she was very gentle. You can tell a man made the machine because the corner of the place where you put your arm pit pokes something awful. If it wasn't for that it wouldn't have been so bad.

[Janet]

I remember when my mother-in-law had a mamogram once. She was so upset because she ended up black and blue clear up on her neck and down her sides. She looked like someone beat the crap out of her. I don't think she ever had another one done.

[judy]

I'm so glad your mammo wasn't bad.

Those are hysterical! Thanks for the laughter Diana!

I just had one, and am glad to say that they are much more relaxed than in the city. Down in NYC, they are much more into pulling your breast as well as your belly button into the plates, which they also close as tightly as is humanely possible. I guess they are in torture mode down there due to the stress of living in the city.