New daughter in law woes

Thanks everyone for your support, I appreciate it so much!
I did get Iz a web cam before she left and we downloaded it into there computer, I web cammed tonight for about an hour, she was a lil sad, her mama was to come get her for the night and did not show up, typical, thats why my son has custody.....she has already had so much dissappointment in her lil life, thats why I want NO MORE!
I had Iz for 6 weeks this past summer, so that was fantatic, and we will continually do that each summer. I am hoping my son took heed in what I said, it has been just him and Iz since she was 2, and he adores her, I know if he sees anything he will be on it, it is the not seeing I worry about, ya know?

[judy]

That is a sad situation for your granddaughter. Since you get her for the summer, do you think you could have her for school holidays, like Christmas vacation and Easter vacation? Maybe you could go there. Even if you don't stay in their house, maybe you could find a reasonable place to stay and visit with her.

My daughter went through a similar situation with her father. Although she did live with me, when she went to visit her father (summers) in LA, she was treated like a second class citizen. They both hurt her so many times! If her stepmother's son got a Sony Walkman, she would get one too, but hers would be from Walmart and certainly not a Sony! This kind of thing happened all of the time. Then, there was the time her father came home from rehab. They called my daughter, who was about 15 or 16, to fly out so that "the whole family"
c//ould be together when he came home. I could not talk her out of it, and didn't feel that I could forbid her from going. This was her father, and she had to go through everything she did with him to get to the point where she could judge him for herself. That's the kind of person she has always been.

She finally stopped talking her father a few years ago.

Can you share your concerns with your son? If this woman does not have custodfy of of her child, what did she do to only have visitation rights?

It is a very rough place for you to be in, but with your love, your granddaughter will always have you to turn to.

O she will be here, or we will be there for every school holiday, or vacation, I told my husband....till I KNOW everything is alright....

When you said about your daughter getting walmart brand gifts for christmas, and other girl got name brand, that hit home for me, my son came here on christmas eve just with Iz, cause same thing happenedwhen girls opened christmas gifts, he was soo upset, but fiancee followed him down to our home and who knows what she said, but they were back on, to be married....I am so sorry your daughter had to go through this also, it is all so sad.

I am so surprised my son does not see it all, since he is such a good daddy, I am in shock, to tell the truth, he does everything with Iz, weither the new wife likes it or not, he will still do things with her and take her places, then there is an arguement, between new wife and son but he still follows through with IZ, so I am confused why he would put up with it, and not send her packing.

I have loads of friends in the area where my grandaughter lives, so I will have my girlfriends stop in unexpectedly also, as matter of fact my one good friend is picking her up tommorrow to go shopping and to lunch with her....

I wonder too why she does not have custody of her daughter, I see why but do not know any facts wish I could find out.

[Gina]

The women have given you excellent advice. Like Janet I to do not have any grandkids as of yet. I can only imagine what you are feeling. First I am sorry to say this, but how long did your son date this woman before marrying her ? Didn't he see the red lights, my first concern like Judy mentioned is why doesn't her daughter live with her?. That is strange a judge usually has the child live with his or her mother..


If I were you I be on my son's case 24/7 your not interferring at ALL. This is your granddaughter his child.. I am sorry but she sounds like the wicked stepmother..You continue to be the loving grandmother I know that its hard for she is young , let her know that you are there for her and that she can always talk to you about anything..

Good luck, I hope that your son will take care of the situation soon.

[Marilyn]

You've got some good constructive and supportive communication going with some of the ladies on here. All I can do is say that I'm here to listen too if you need another shoulder. No experience in this area, but will pray that your granddaughter feels your love for her every day and that your daughter-in-law matures some and realizes what she is doing and decides to do the right things.

Thanks so much, to all of you, I really appreciate your good thoughts and advice...I am relieved to hear no one thinks I am meddling cause I really try to stay out of things with my children and there spouses, but red flags were flying up everywhere, and I could not dismiss them.

My son dated this girl for 2 1/2 yrs. with living so far away, I would only see her when they came for a visit or we went there, and I never noticed anything amiss, but since they were here for 3 weeks, there was No hiding her true self for that long. While my son worked her maternal grandmother watched her till recently, then fiancee took over.....I have told my son since Iz will be in all day kindergarden, why doesnt she go back to her other grandmas after school so they can spend a lil time with her..(my thought to keep the one on one to a minimum with new wife) I also but a lil bug in other grandmas ear on how nice it would be for her to have Iz a lil bit through the week, without going into detail, and I think it may happen, I will be in seventh heaven if it wworks keep your fingers crossed for me and Iz...

Thanks again everyone!

[Mandy]

Hey Maggie welcome!! Great to have you with us.

Sorry you are having to deal with this situation, i dont have grandkids... but can imagine your frustration.
It's pityful that a grownup woman is reacting to a little child this way, you would think she has more between her ears!!
Talking with her on skype is a great idea!
Hopefully your son will see exactly whats going on soon, im sure he will as soon as the "honeymoon weeks"wear off.

Crossing fingers for you girl, keep us posted.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by lovePINK

Thanks so much, to all of you, I really appreciate your good thoughts and advice...I am relieved to hear no one thinks I am meddling cause I really try to stay out of things with my children and there spouses, but red flags were flying up everywhere, and I could not dismiss them.

My son dated this girl for 2 1/2 yrs. with living so far away, I would only see her when they came for a visit or we went there, and I never noticed anything amiss, but since they were here for 3 weeks, there was No hiding her true self for that long. While my son worked her maternal grandmother watched her till recently, then fiancee took over.....I have told my son since Iz will be in all day kindergarden, why doesnt she go back to her other grandmas after school so they can spend a lil time with her..(my thought to keep the one on one to a minimum with new wife) I also but a lil bug in other grandmas ear on how nice it would be for her to have Iz a lil bit through the week, without going into detail, and I think it may happen, I will be in seventh heaven if it wworks keep your fingers crossed for me and Iz...

Thanks again everyone!

Brillant idea!! Let the maternal grandma get involved.. After all why should she be shunned out... I am sure she is hurt if she does not see her granddaughter and this way you can communicate with her. Just don't give too much infor on your daughter in law to be fair, unless you see mistreatment of your granddaughter of course.. Good luck and keep us posted!