Disappointed in my mom

[Blueyes]

I'm so glad she's trying! You know your mom better than anybody. Maybe she just needed that extra push from you. I wish her all the best

[Lindsey]

Thanks Betsi!
I called her last night to see how the patch was working and she said she was surprised she has to keep them on for 24 hours, and that she got a headache, but she'll keep using it. She is using the first step, but I think it may be too much nicotine. I told her maybe if she's getting headaches today too, she should try using her other ones (she has a box of step three as well, but no step two).

[Lindsey]

By the way, I think it really hit home when I told her that I'm so scared she won't be around to see me get married or have kids. She still has her mom, she had someone for support when she was married and pregnant. My mom is only in her 50's and has already been hospitalized for a stroke. I'm not ready to let go yet, and she knows how much it scares me now. I don't think anyone has said to her straight "If you keep doing this, you're going to die early" I don't think she told the doctor she started smoking again.

[Gina]

Lindsey that is a good sign that she is trying..Sh is an adult and knows right from wrong. You cannot make someone do something unless they truly want to do it themselves.

Putting the patch on is a big step I am sure for her. I was a smoker but I quit when I was a young girl like you. So I do not miss it , actually I hate it now.. You know your mom better and I think you did put fear into her, for every mom wants to live and see their children married with children.. So I hope she progresses with the patch and stops.. Good luck to her..

[gja1000]

Lindsay - please caution your mom NOT to smoke while wearing the patch - especially the stronger patch - doing both (patch and smoking) can be deadly!

[Shada]

I am sorry you are disappointed in your mom.

I understand exactly. Your side.. and her's. I am trying myself to quit smoking. It is a horrible disgusting habit. But it is a habit that is so hard to break. I want to quit for myself. I can't quit for anyone else. Nor can your mom. Support her. She knows how you feel. She knows smoking is bad for her. She knows she is taking a high risk with already having a stroke.
She knows you are disappointed in her. She knows you told her you will never see her again unless she quits.

But bottom line is, its not your choice. Its her choice. If a family member told me they would never see again because I smoke, I would be very upset and disappointed in them. I have friends and family who don't smoke. I respect their feelings and don't smoke when I am with them. Thats my choice. Its also my choice if I smoke when I am not around them.

Heart problems run in my family. So should I be smoking? Of course not. I know that. Does it help? No it doesn't.

If you have never smoked then you have no idea how hard it is to stop. I hope someday I will be able to quit completely. My smoking has gone down considerably. In time.. I hope to never smoke again.

I have had friends pass from heart attacks, cancer, that have never smoked.
I have a friend who had a stoke when she was 45 years old, yet she is not a smoker.

Alcohol is also bad for us. Yet many drink. Can cause cancer. Can cause death.
Do you drink? Does your mother approve?

All I am trying to say here, is that please don't cut your mom out of your life. Support her in whatever she decides to do. Let her know you are there for her. That you love her.

All of us have a vice. Smoking, drinking, eating.. we all have something going on in our lifes that we would love to change. But change is hard.

[Lindsey]

Gayle, I told my mom that tonight and she said she knows I asked if she's had an urge at all to smoke yet and she said no, and she didn't get any headaches today.

Shada... I have not smoked, nor will I ever, but I know many people with many different addictions and I do realize how hard it is to stop. Nicotine is a drug... even more addictive than cocaine or heroin... but it is legal. Nonetheless, it's still a drug, and it kills more people than alcohol, car accidents, suicide, AIDS, homicide, and illegal narcotics combined (according to the american cancer society).

I need my mom to know how much better she can feel without the cigarettes, how much more energy she can have, how she doesn't have to rely on nicotine to get through her day.

It's not like I've blocked her out of my life completely. It stresses ME out to have to be around her smoking and knowing what she's doing to herself. It stresses HER out to try to hide it from me whenever I'm around. We talk on the phone almost daily. I'm still supporting her. We don't live anywhere near each other so I'm not going out of my way to avoid her. I'm just not making special trips to see her unless she's making a real effort to kick the habit, which she now is.

To answer your question, I rarely drink. I never drink at home unless I have friends staying from out of town and I'll have a drink with them. The only other time is if I'm home visiting my parents. I don't go to bars anymore, and I start to get tipsy after 1 beer anyway so that's about my limit! So no, my mom has no problems with any alcohol consumption by me.

Since I was 17 I've known I have kidney problems... one of my kidneys is damaged and doesn't quite function at normal capacity. Because of this I am VERY careful about what I put in my body, I try to eat as healthily as I can and I avoid second-hand smoke. I've never touched drugs in my life. Since we figured out my kidney problems, my parents have stressed the importance of living a healthy life. I just want to stress the same importance back.

My mom's life is full of people who just say "Okay just go smoke then if you want to" but I'm never going to be one of those people. I understand she's probably going to take a few tries before she quits for good, but I want to be the one who can always encourage her to stop, that it's not okay to just keep smoking because it's too hard to quit. If that's how the world worked, there would be no rehab for anyone.

Just my thoughts.

[Janet]

I hope you're letting your Mom know how much you love her and that you're not too harsh. Smoking is such a hard habit to break. I've been smoke free 2 years the last of August. I won't ever smoke again, but there are times I want to so bad. That urge never goes away completely. I may not think of a smoke for a few days and then all of a sudden...the urge is there.

I hope your Mom can quit. Life is so much better without the smokes and I didn't realize how much it stinks. She'll quit when she is ready, but being bullied to quit won't help....I know. Just support and love her.