Disappointed in my mom

[Lindsey]

Gayle, I told my mom that tonight and she said she knows I asked if she's had an urge at all to smoke yet and she said no, and she didn't get any headaches today.

Shada... I have not smoked, nor will I ever, but I know many people with many different addictions and I do realize how hard it is to stop. Nicotine is a drug... even more addictive than cocaine or heroin... but it is legal. Nonetheless, it's still a drug, and it kills more people than alcohol, car accidents, suicide, AIDS, homicide, and illegal narcotics combined (according to the american cancer society).

I need my mom to know how much better she can feel without the cigarettes, how much more energy she can have, how she doesn't have to rely on nicotine to get through her day.

It's not like I've blocked her out of my life completely. It stresses ME out to have to be around her smoking and knowing what she's doing to herself. It stresses HER out to try to hide it from me whenever I'm around. We talk on the phone almost daily. I'm still supporting her. We don't live anywhere near each other so I'm not going out of my way to avoid her. I'm just not making special trips to see her unless she's making a real effort to kick the habit, which she now is.

To answer your question, I rarely drink. I never drink at home unless I have friends staying from out of town and I'll have a drink with them. The only other time is if I'm home visiting my parents. I don't go to bars anymore, and I start to get tipsy after 1 beer anyway so that's about my limit! So no, my mom has no problems with any alcohol consumption by me.

Since I was 17 I've known I have kidney problems... one of my kidneys is damaged and doesn't quite function at normal capacity. Because of this I am VERY careful about what I put in my body, I try to eat as healthily as I can and I avoid second-hand smoke. I've never touched drugs in my life. Since we figured out my kidney problems, my parents have stressed the importance of living a healthy life. I just want to stress the same importance back.

My mom's life is full of people who just say "Okay just go smoke then if you want to" but I'm never going to be one of those people. I understand she's probably going to take a few tries before she quits for good, but I want to be the one who can always encourage her to stop, that it's not okay to just keep smoking because it's too hard to quit. If that's how the world worked, there would be no rehab for anyone.

Just my thoughts.

[Janet]

I hope you're letting your Mom know how much you love her and that you're not too harsh. Smoking is such a hard habit to break. I've been smoke free 2 years the last of August. I won't ever smoke again, but there are times I want to so bad. That urge never goes away completely. I may not think of a smoke for a few days and then all of a sudden...the urge is there.

I hope your Mom can quit. Life is so much better without the smokes and I didn't realize how much it stinks. She'll quit when she is ready, but being bullied to quit won't help....I know. Just support and love her.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Janet

I hope you're letting your Mom know how much you love her and that you're not too harsh. Smoking is such a hard habit to break. I've been smoke free 2 years the last of August. I won't ever smoke again, but there are times I want to so bad. That urge never goes away completely. I may not think of a smoke for a few days and then all of a sudden...the urge is there.

I hope your Mom can quit. Life is so much better without the smokes and I didn't realize how much it stinks. She'll quit when she is ready, but being bullied to quit won't help....I know. Just support and love her.

Janet I have quit smoking 28 yrs. ago the urge DOES go away completely at least for me it did. Give it time.. I find the smell offensive and disgusting now and wondered how I ever smoked...

[HALEY]

i quit over 5 months now and i could smoke one right now... the urge will never go away, its a daily fight for me.. and sometimes i don't know if i have the passion to keep going.. i smoked two packs a day, and i liked to smoke only quit cause i couldn't afford a 600 per month habbit!

[pope1982]

Support her and encourage her.
It is sad she felt she had to lie to you in the first place, she was probably afraid of your reaction so I think it was a low blow to threaten her seeing you.
You are going to have to find the strength to be around her, even if it does bother you because you cannot get the time you choose not to see her back. Running away is not the answer.

I agree that the truth of the matter is, she needs to find the strength within herself and this is her battle to conquer, she doesn't need to take you on as well.

I wish both of you luck. Her the ability to drop this nasty habit and you to have the patience, tolerance and unconditional love a wonderful mother deserves.

[Lindsey]

I don't want to keep beating this over the head because I know a lot of people think I'm wrong, but I KNOW that if I didn't say something that extreme that she wouldn't even try. I know my mom better than anyone, and she is the most stubborn person I know. Nothing would make her try unless it was something drastic. Even on the boat with my dad, he agreed it's the only thing that would work. My dad stopped smoking while my mom was still a smoker. My grandparents all stopped. It's NOT impossible.

She's now 3 days in, we have called each other every day (twice today) and she feels fantastic and hasn't even had a craving for a cigarette. My dad went to the city today to get her another package of patches, and they're following them to a T. My dad is all of a sudden being really supportive of her too. He's sharing with her what helped him when he stopped smoking, and what helped my grandpa (mints!), and I don't think he's going to back down so easily and say "Okay just go buy some cigarettes" this time like he did last time. He might say "Let's try putting on another patch until you're ready" And I know it has only been a few days but she is already feeling better. She's not having the extreme ups and downs that you get while smoking... going down down down until you get your dose of nicotine and then straight up.... then down down down until your next smoke. Even in her voice she seems happier and more upbeat. She and my dad have gone to the lake to golf every evening this week!

I guess the patches are supposed to last for 3 months. So by Christmas she will hopefully at least have herself out of the habit of having a cigarette in her hand, and going out to smoke a few times a day. I think it's really good for helping her get a new routine without also dealing with the intense withdrawl symptoms.

I can really say now that I AM proud of my mom. I have total faith that she will beat this. It wasn't the first try, it might not be the second try, but she WILL quit.

[Marilyn]

Lindsey, you know what is best for your family, and sounds like it's working. YAAAAAA!!! So hope she sticks with it and you have a wonderful Christmas together!!